We had some fierce arguements with my mom 10 years ago. It was more us venting and her being a Robot, this will pass. It means and accomplishes nothing. My mom has blood cancer and every fight seems a waste of time.
Fading is never 100% successful is it?
by nicolaou 38 Replies latest social family
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jookbeard
I think you've got to a level where you can draw a line at and thats good that you still maintain contact with your mum but there will always be a issue with the discussion of so called "spiritual matters" I tried,god I tried to keep my mouth shut and I think my folks would have been content with that but it didn't work, I showed my true apostate colours again and again, you've done well to get to this stage, its never easy, they dont make it easy. My last contact on a one to one with my mum about 10 years ago resulted in her asking me to leave her house. -
zeb
As the writer Bernard Shaw said "the more I know people the more I love my dog".
You are quite right they don't make it easy and what is the out come? They can go to the kh and cry on someones shoulder doing the 'poor pitiful me' act and have their 5 minutes of glory once again. Tragedy is there are so many that wallow in such behaviour they never tell of the fine weaving, crotchet or other creative thing they have done.
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Zana
Simon wrote:
One thing I've realized though is that it's not unique to JW families and upbringing. Sure, there are JW specific elements to it but most families are messed up and dysfunctional in some way it seems but everyone pretends that everything is fine and puts on a good show for public consumption.
I think there are things that are important to us and it's our choices to make. We think of our dog as part of our family and have friends who are the same so know exactly where you are coming from. At some point parents stop having the right to push their viewpoints on us - it's as simple as that.
THIS.
In most cases in any family (JW or non-JW) at some point parents will stop pushing their viewpoints on their children. It seems though that percentagewise in JW families they do it longer and more often they never stop, compared to non-JW families. It's up to the (adult) children to teach their parents abound boundaries, because the WT will not.
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punkofnice
It's never really over is it?
No. Not while they think Jehovah(tm) will lovingly murder you soon. Although that magic sky daddy will take away the pain of your murder from their minds, they still can't quite bear the thought. CogDis is a biatch!
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Xanthippe
One thing I've realized though is that it's not unique to JW families and upbringing. Sure, there are JW specific elements to it but most families are messed up and dysfunctional in some way it seems but everyone pretends that everything is fine and puts on a good show for public consumption. - Simon
I'm glad you said that Simon. I've tried to say this before and some get very angry on here with me. Yesterday in my work I was helping a lady well over 70 print out a map to go to her sister's funeral. She didn't know the way to her sister's house. I didn't say anything because it's none of my business of course, but this happens more than you think.
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KateWild
Sorry to hear about this nic,
My parents were never JWs and I had someone to run to when I was Df'd, my daughter faded too and my son is out too.
It sounds like even though I have been out two years I am more out than you due to my circumstances.
I am so sorry this cult has put such a terrible strain on your relationship with your mum, and you still feel there are things left unsaid. It's so frustrating for me as I want to stop you feeling so restricted.
Sorry Nic
Kate xx
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No Longer a JW Brother
Man I feel you. That is why I decided to just go cold turkey and be done with it and DA myself. I've seen others do the fade thing successfully but they're still always just looking over their shoulder and wondering who they might bump into.
A friend of mine did the fade cause he learned TTATT and he wanted to just celebrate his own damn birthday with his family but he didn't want to be DF'd so he faded. Then someone who he **thought** was his friend ratted him out to the elders and the fool got DF'd anyways. See how that works. JW's are only your friends if you play by the rules set forth by the old angry fools in Brooklyn. But their loyalty always sides with the club, not you. There is no such thing as unconditional love in the JW club, only love which is shallow and superficial. I don't think that is the kind of love God was talking about.
I've also seen others who started to do the fade thing and lost courage so they went back to living their life of pretending. Man that's definitely not me. For a while I considered doing the fade but I'm not going to give them the pleasure of knowing that I might come back one day. I won't. Peace.
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MarkofCane
This is the price we pay to have contact with our families, I've come to the realization that my fade will not be complete until my mom and my wife's parents pass, I don't give a rats ass about anyone else. Ive looked at every scenario unfortunately they are prisoners of a cult. The guardians of doctrine have complete control over them, time is my only out.
There very old so I don't debate or disagree on hardly any level, I just let them be and try and enjoy what time is left. Don't get me wrong there are plenty of times I want to tell them off for raising me in this cult and because of the shit they try to instill in my kids "fog", but instead, I leave the room and find something to distract me, otherwise I Will Storm into the room with apostate eyes and unleash hell on them. Life's to short, I just come here and unleash on you good people. Haha
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theliberator
I didn't fade. I didn't disassociate. But I cut myself off immediately. My mom called me an apostate at a time when I just discovered TTATT and when I was truly hurting. I let the cat out of the bag. I told her I discovered that the Watchtower had been lying and I can prove it. The fact is, whether you DA or get Df'd makes no difference. The family, "friends" abandon you. You are treated like a barrel of toxic radioactive waste. Since then, I have let her have it with both barrels. I sent her a text saying that it doesn't matter what I say to you anymore, you will not associate or treat me normal until the day you or I die. She is in her early 60's. In short, I agree with No Longer a JW Brother. Like the Watchtower's illustration of surgery, it will hurt and immobilize you, but you will arise with the strength of a lion. It is like a pregnant woman. Doesn't like the thought of giving birth. But by the ninth month, she is miserable and now just wants to get this thing overwith. You are in the ninth month.