Frank,
I need not say that you and I rarely agree, but as my daughter naps next to me here on the sofa, I can say that you nailed it this time, my friend.
It may not happen with every father, but I can assuredly say that seeing my daughter come into the world forever changed my life the instant it occurred. Some changes I sensed immediately. Others became known to me later on -- sometimes months later. I can say that, for me, my being entrusted with my daughter's care caused me to look at things differently, and when I say "things," I mean EVERYTHING. For years I thought I knew what love was, only to find that I hadn't had a clue.
And you are quite right where you said: I would not have hesitated - when the nurse put Rachel in my arms, nor at any time since - to instantly give my life for my little girl. No questions asked. I have lived a life, and she should be able to live hers. And if it cost mine for her to be able to have her life then so be it.
Beautifully written, Frank. I will go a step further and say that from henceforth, living my life without my daughter in it would be no life at all.
Having children later in life........my dilemma
by logansrun 27 Replies latest jw friends
-
teejay
-
tinkerbell82
teejay and francois, those are some truly touching sentiments there. your children are lucky.
will one of you adopt me please??????
-
Soledad
I'm in no hurry, if at all. my father was 48 and my mother 36 when I was born, and I'm not the only child!
I think older parents make better parents.
-
ballistic
Logansrun is thinking about this at the right time of life. I am now 32 and feel the same way, and although I've been content so far, as each year passes, you feel like your chances of having children is slipping away.
I was supprised by Francois questioning why this is so. Regardless of a 'body clock' Francois, there are other issues at stake. Not only based on memories of family, grand parents and so on, but basic down to earth, even materialistic concepts such as, who do I leave my house and belongings so hard worked for to?
Perhaps there is not enough discussion on why a man would want children when the subject is dominated by 'maternal' instincts. I guess part of the answer is to do with perspective.
-
Prisca
even materialistic concepts such as, who do I leave my house and belongings so hard worked for to?
y'know, I was thinking about this yesterday, but more along the lines of "why bother striving to acquire possessions, when I have no one to hand them on to?"
I'm at the stage where I'm ready to have kids, and would like to have at least one or two of them. But it's a bit hard to become a parent when I don't have a regular bf, nor any prospective ones hanging around. Maybe I could ask one of my male friends if they'd like to be a sperm donor, LOL!
BTW, my parents were 44 and 43 when I was born and I turned out ok
The only thing I didn't like about having older parents was that they didn't have enough energy to play with me when I was little.
-
LDH
Good question.
I think, more important than your AGE is the STABILITY of the relationship you are in. The mechanics of the relationship will change your decision.
You may marry a wonderful woman who still has some growing up to do, or you may be the one who needs to grow up. Whatever age you are (not too late) make sure YOUR relationship is rock-solid.
Scientists are finding out more and more that the man's age is also a determining factor in the health of the baby; like women's bodies, men's go downhill in their 40's. It's not just a factor of your wife's health, but also of how well you treat your body until you are READY to make a baby. Get my drift?
The other option, which I'm not sure was brought up, is adoption. A wonderful way to welcome a child into your life.
By the way, I had my daughter when I was 21 and I had my son when I was 32. (I'm 34 now). Any "loss of energy" in my parenting style is MORE than made up for by my intense focus on the baby. My husband once described me as a "laser beam"--so intense is my focus to be a great parent. I didn't have the maturity for that when I was 21. I don't lose my temper with the baby, and I probably did with my 13 y.o.
(Thank God I never spanked either. I was an active JW when my daughter was a baby, and it was bad enough she was subjected to weekly punishment sessions; thank god I never struck her.)
Regarding "loss of energy"-- when my daughter was 5 or 6, I would take her every day after work to Long Branch State Park in Syracuse NY, and she would ride her bike while I rollerbladed for 6-8 MILES. She loved it. Now it's a challenge because the baby obviously can't do that with me. I find that in order to exercise (which I like to do, but like lots of moms feel guilty about taking even more time from the baby) I came up with other solutions. I bought one of those bike thingys that I pull behind me, like a little trailer. The baby LOVES to go for bike rides.
Where there's a will, there's a way. I'm sure you will find the time and the woman that's right for you. You'll make a good dad; I can tell because you aren't rushing into it headlong.
Lisa
Mom Class
-
Carmel
Geeze man, who ever said you can't go to school, work, travel and be fecund at the same time? My first born came during spring finals my senior year of college. # 2 while I was teaching school in Montana, # 3 adopted when working in Seattle, #4 and #5 in Alaska. Meanwhile, I and spousy have been to at least a dozen countries, seen most of the states and have never slowed down,,, well, seems were stuck here for the next four years, but hey, you can do it all too!
carmel of the multi-tasking class
-
jgnat
Logansrun, from a woman's point of view, hormones and the biological clock usually resolve this dilemma. When you are in love with the woman of your dreams, and she wants children, just watch your priorities do an adjustment. Babies, in turn, adjust your entire life. I am convinced those little bundles of vulnerability and neediness are designed to set us up for a lifetime of self-sacrifice. Ah, well. Being a parent is worlds better than being a dedicated witness. There are some advantages to being a man, and this is one of them. You can postpone and do the fatherhood thing later.
http://www.canoe.ca/JamMoviesArtistsE/eastwood.html Steely glint masks sharp Clint
By LIZ BRAUN
Toronto SunNEW YORK -- He's tall. He's cool. He's old.
Those are just three of the things we always forget about Clint Eastwood -- some of the others being that the wooden whisperer of the big screen is actually an articulate, amusing man, a veteran of 40 years in showbiz, a father of seven.
He'd like everybody to forget that last detail.
But out with the old and in with the new. At 66, Eastwood has a new wife, 31-year-old Dina Ruiz, a TV reporter in Salinas. My last wife, he calls her, cheerfully. "I found the woman I was nuts about."
And he has a new daughter -- "Yeah, I change diapers," says Eastwood -- Morgan, who's almost a year old.Monday, November 17, 1997