by Hurting 34 Replies latest jw experiences
Having to choose between 1. family love and living a lie in captivity or 2. freedom seems like a hard choice- at first. A cruel choice.
After 25 years in and now 6 month out, I can tell you, in all honesty:
I wish I had the courage to disassociate immediately and without hesitation at my first doubts and early discovery of the cult and TTATT.
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I imagine it to be a bit like skydiving. That first leap out of an airplane must be chest-pounding, anxiety overload... until you survive.
Welcome!
You are NOT a bad person!
You are very valuable and worthy of love and respect!
Please remember this.
Just because you have been smothered and dealt with poorly, DOES NOT define who you are.
Give yourself permission to let go of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) that has been ingrained into you.
Feel free to vent here. This is a genuinely warm and supportive community of sincere people.
Sincere support to you!
Hi Hurting! Welcome.
As an ex elder and long time jw (50 years plus if you count childhood) I have come across many strange characters, vulnerable people even crazy and twisted people within the walls of the Kingdom Hall.
But the description of how your twisted and crazy mother treated you kids is up there with the worst. I dread to think what happened in her life to make her such an awful parent.
I mean getting sisters to come round and beat you? Am I reading that right? Sounds almost (but not quite) like the lovely "Eunice Spry" from Gloucestershire, England who was able to hide her wickedness form other jw's and "worldly" authorities for so long.
She's even got her own wikipedia page bless her ...
Anyway I've gone on a rant. I am sorry and I would like to say you are very brave posting here and we on this forum wish you all the very best in your future life.
Welcome Hurting, First of all I want to give you a virtual hug (((((hurting))))
I am so sorry you have suffered so much abuse. When a child is born into an abusive household it becomes your "normal". It's all you know and makes you even more susceptible to cult indoctrination. The person reasons that conditional love is better than no love at all.
My hubby and I had mothers who falsely complained to all who would listen how difficult and disobedient we were. We have come to understand that it was a ploy for sympathy and attention. (a form of Munchausen by proxy) It worked beautifully too- our families avoided us and still do. Since most loving parents don't talk smack about their own child our mothers were believed.
Sad to say, these people have no natural affection are are toxic. In order to preserve your own mental health you must set firm boundaries possibly even avoiding them altogether.
You have come to the right place to receive understanding and support. Take care and keep posting.
People that can switch off their feelings like a light are not the kind of people that you want to fill your life with.
That's the kind of people that WT breeds.
The watchtower is a witch's brew.
((Hugs)))
I am so sorry you had to go through this. It seems the religion attracts people with issues in their life like your mother, and it doesn't really help them as much as gives them different ways to be mal adjusted. If this was a good religion they would have helped your mom to be a better person, but it's not a good religion.
But you have escaped, so don't feel guilty about your family, you can't help them, they will not listen to you, so be strong and take care of yourself so you can help your own children. Be proud of yourself for seeing through the lies and deceptions, not all are able to do that.
Lisa 🌹
Let me get this right. Did your mother have people come round to your house to beat you? That is criminal.
Sounds like she had terminal attacks of wt FOG fear obligation and guilt and dumped it all on you.
Please keep high inn your mind that the best answer to FOG and the FOG purveyors is to lead a normal productive life.
and welcome aboard you are now surrounded by loving people who have all had similar experiences
Hi and welcome, Hurting.
You sound like a beautiful and loving person. I am so glad you found your way here to us.
Here you are among kind and caring people.
The nicest people you can imagine are here and now you are too!
Im so glad and look forward to getting to know you.
@Hurting......wow.....um....yeah wow....welcome. Please read and take in as much as you can from here. One more thing......your words were clearly heard here......☺.
Mad Puppy
