May you have peace!
I must admit, I am not "above" wishing that what you say is true, that I have no choice in the matter, and all that I do, I do because I was predestined to do it. I cannot tell you how easy that would make my life: I wouldn't have to figure out how to do my full-time job, attend law school... and still tell those with ears to hear about the good news of the Christ. Which would take priority? Well, believe it or not, the first two are easier, as I have much less humiliation associated therewith, much less stress and don't have to defend my hope a fraction of the amount. But... it is the latter that brings me greatest joy, so the other two will be worked around it.
But, as I said, your position intrigued me. So... I did what I always do when I lack wisdom: I asked my Lord regarding the things you have written here... and whether it is indeed true that I had no choice. I will share with you his reply, which I do not doubt:
He: "You have been chosen because of your faith, which faith, I gave to you. True, you had faith, but I gave you more, so that if you exercised that which I gave to you, you would hear my voice when I called you."
Me: "It is true, then, that I had no choice in the matter, that it was YOUR choice to give me such faith?"
He: "No. I gave you such faith because it was what you ASKED for. You did not ask me for riches. You did not ask me for creative talents. You did not ask me for recognition and fame. You asked for me... to know me... to have faith in me... and so the Father sent me to you. You know this."
Me: "Yes, but based on what this one is saying, you were coming anyway, for I had been chosen even before the founding of the world. And it is written in the Bible about such choosing. According to him, I was chosen for the purpose you have used me, even before I was born. How then could my asking have played any part?"
He: "Are you not Israel?"
Me: "Yes, of the tribe of Jacob's son, BenJahMin."
He: "And was not ALL of Israel chosen and set apart as a people for a special possession? Was not ALL of Israel to be a "holy nation"? And yet, all did not hear, did they? They did not hear... because their hearts were hard. I begged them to soften their hearts and return to me... but they did not choose me. And so, I did not choose them. While it is true that all of Israel WILL be saved, not all... will sit on my throne."
Me: "But did you not KNOW that their hearts would be hard?"
He: "Yes."
Me: "So why hold out something to someone you KNOW is going to reject it?"
He: "Because there is one who says that you will ALL the Father, and thereby reject me, the cornerstone. Do you recall the man, Job? What occurred with him? Did not the Father ask his Adversary, 'Have you set your heart on my servant Job, that there is no one like him in the earth, a man blameless and upright, fearing God and turning aside from what is bad?'"
Me: "Yes, I recall."
He: "And did not the Adversary challenge Job's loyalty?"
Me: "Yes. But if the Father knew Job would not give up his loyalty, why even allow the challenge? According to what this one is saying here, Job had no choice and so COULDN'T have been disloyal."
He: "You are incorrect in your thinking. For did you not hear my voice when I said to you that the false christs and false prophets exist to mislead IF POSSIBLE... EVEN the chosen ones? Your thinking removes the possibility. And with God, ALL things are possible, even that He will LET you be misled. Did not my servant Ezekiel himself prophesy this, when he said, 'If someone righteous turns BACK from his righteousness and actually does an INJUSTICE... and I MUST put a stumbling block before him... he himself will die... because YOU did not warn him, but that in case you DID warn him that such one should NOT sin, you will have delivered your own soul?"
Me: "Yes, I recall those words."
He: "Then, it is like the man, Judas, the son of Destruction, who PROVED himself such a son and so able to be used for the purpose of my Father's will... and the man Jonah... who chose NOT to warn Nineveh... until he was made to do so. Do you wish to become like these men, one who was loving what is bad, and the other, who had more love for himself than for his neighbor so that he disobeyed, which disobedience would have resulted in his destruction AND theirs... so that rather than obey and be exalted... he was humbled, to the saving of THEIR lives?"
Me: "No, of course... no one WANTS to be like either of these."
He: "Do not be too sure, for you are not knowing the heart of man as I know it."
Me: "Yes, Lord. I am not sure I still understand, though, whether we have a choice or not. And I wish to, because for some reason it seems quite important."
He: "It is. For it is the meek who shall inherit the earth, and not those whose hearts are hard so that their heads are like that of bulls and goats so that they must be MADE to do what is pleasing to the Father... rather than do so of their own desire. It is a choice, child, to obey or disobey. It is true that whatever my Father's will is... will be done. If He NEEDS to make one do something so that HIS will is carried out, He will. But... it does not go well with you if it must be done in this way. Your heart will harden, because He will draw me away from you.
But remember the man Abraham, who was commanded to sacrifice his son; had the Father truly wanted such sacrifice, it would been done. He wanted... to see if Abraham would obey. And the man Abraham did obey; he was not MADE to take Isaac up, but he himself went willingly.
I understand the flesh and its hold on your spirit. I have existed in such a vessel. However, I also under the spirit... that it, too, has a will... and if it WANTS to, can overcome and conquer much more than it does. Yet, because you have so little power, I grant you more. Why? Because you have asked me to. You asked to have your heart made over, and your prayer was heard... because it was a RIGHTEOUS request, one to benefits others as well as yourself. Why should I withhold from you the desire of your heart, particularly if such desire will lead you to closer to my Light?"
Me: "Okay, Lord, but YOU said of us, 'You did not choose me; I chose you.' I cannot see the choice there."
He: "By what means did I choose you? Did I not see you, as I saw Nathaniel? You are not hidden from me. I saw that you are a treasure, hidden in an earthen vessel. But what identified you as such "treasure"? Was it not your heart, which you have guarded all these years, so that it did not become hard, tarnished by hatred and hypocrisy, covered over in darkness?"
Me: "But didn't YOU make my heart in such a way that it could BE seen? As the man has said, didn't I have NO choice in the matter, that my heart was made as such before I even came into this world?"
He: "Yes. But it is you... who guarded it. You did not have to. You could have given yourself over... just as the man Job could have done... just as the man Judas did. Just as many others do. They do not love, because they CHOOSE not to guard what was planted in their hearts."
Me: "But the man here, your servant also, is saying that I had no choice - what was going to be was going to be."
He: "And why would I want those with me, who are such out of no choice of their own? Who are not with me because they WANT to be, but only because I chose them to be? Did I not love you? Did I not choose you? Why is that? Because 'all things you want men to do to YOU, you must do to them.' I have given to you what I wish to receive FROM you. Your love. I do not want you to follow me because you only wish to be fed. I do not want you to follow me because you only want to see someone raised from the dead. It is your love that had you called. For by such love, you have PROVEN that you are son of God. Had I MADE you love, the proof would have been mine... not yours, and the reply to him that taunts us... mine... not yours."
Me: "Then why all the verses regarding us having NO choice, that we are indeed predestined to this choosing. Why exert ourselves at all? Why not just sit back and wait for the Father's will to play itself out? How are we to understand this?"
He: "Have you entirely forgotten the caution I once laid upon you, that all the things I tell you are written, but not all of the things written are what I will tell you? Are you yet trusting in earthling man, so as to hear his voice and follow him? Or are you still looking to me as the Light that is to guide you to the face of the Most Holy One of Israel? Or are you looking to the Law... and ITS followers? Are you still trusting in what earthling man tells you is the word of God? Or have you not made up... in your mind and heart... that I am that Word? Is it now that you wish to shrink back... or will you continue to follow me? Choose for yourself."
And so, dear Ellderwho, I have to say that I must leave you with your thinking... and your trust in the Bible... and that is fine with me. I do not judge you. However... I cannot follow you. Truly. It sounded good, quite good, actually... but... it is not my Lord's voice, as evidenced to me by the above. I have shared it with you here, just as I heard it, whether YOU hear... or refrain.
I bid you the greatest of peace... and love... and want you to know that am not "against" you, for I will not divide the Christ for the sake of being "right". But... as I said to the leaders of the WTBTS when I parted ways with them, "I simply cannot follow you" on this. For doing so would lead me away from the voice of the Fine Shepherd, and back to the writings from which he has released me. I have been set free... to love... and to listen ONLY to him and be led ONLY by him. He has not "steered" me wrong thus far, and so I am grateful. However, listening to earthling man and their adherence to the Bible... has enslaved me more than I care to admit. I cannot go back.
Again, I bid you peace, and I am...
YOUR servant, as I am a servant to all those of the Household of God and those who go with them... but a slave... to Christ,
SJ
