28 years

PLAYGROUND

Earlier I posted about my loveless marriage. I was baptized at a very young age, and during that time period I was having sex.Yes I made a dedication knowing I was still practicing fornication. I had raging hormones since my youth. Later I had sex with random people, less than 6 one them on a regular basis, while maintaining a good standing within the congregation.Most of the individuals I had sex with was just to release needed pressure. I have been leading this double life for 28 years and I am tired.I have death sentence I know. This world end is fast approaching and I will be killed and everyone will know I was not faithful.

I got married because I hope my need for sex would be put in its needed place. That marriage was so wrong, I guess I got what I deserved for living a double life. However during that period I was faithful, although the marriage was abusive.I had privileges within the congregation at that time. Since we haven't been together I tried to remain faithful, however I've been keeping another secret, I'm gay. I married to get that out of my system too. This person was suppose to be my all to end all, who knew they were literally a sociopath. I never saw that coming. I guess Jehovah was punishing me for my double life. During that time period I did want to commit suicide.

Here I been unfaithful to Jehovah and the congregation for years since my youth. I married someone and its trouble. I lost privileges, although I shouldn't hadn't them. How do you not want to walk in front of a semi-truck? Who want to disgrace their family.

I want to confess it all, I know I will be disfelllowship. The elders would think I'm not repenting because I should had confess years ago and more recently.I am repenting, I am so sorry. I love my family, I love them to death. Is that funny, because they will be seeing my death.

Jehovah is going to kill me and I won't be a thought to my family. I messed up, I know and I don't need anyone to tell me. I want to make it right, I do. My worst fear is being disfellowship. How many times I can I go to the hall, assemblies, regionals, memorials and gatherings and put on this pretense?

And now I have met this person and I want to be with them but I can't. The sex, conversation and the way they treat me is unbelievable. I can't continue this I know. I must be the worst JW in the world right now. I have to get this out of my system soon.

Am I the only witness that have live this way for so long? I just need to put my thoughts down.

Finkelstein

Sorry to disappoint you PLAYGROUND but Jehovah the god of the ancient Hebrews doesn't exist.

So your not going to killed by him or any other god for that matter.

Your going to die just like every ordinary human being that ever lived..

If you now think screwing around with people and playing games with their emotions and their psychological well being, then stop it and acknowledge it was wrong to yourself and others who might need this bit of information from this kind social behavior..

Landy

Oh dear.

Are you still married? What family have you got that are witnesses and how would you feel about cutting contact with them.

The reason I ask is for the sake of your sanity I can only see this ending one way.

And the sooner the better as you can then start living your life the way that you want to.

Freeandclear

Start here jwfacts.com it will open your eyes to the fact that you are in a cult. I'm sorry to be so blunt.

All the guilt you are feeling is needless. You can live the life you really want, NOW. So read that website and do some research. The JW religion is NOT God's one true channel for mankind. Please check it out. Once you know the real truth you can get on with your life.

I too had huge sexual desires like any normal human being and I fought against them for so long denying myself and all for what?

I too was suicidal and depressed and burdened by the most intense guilt. No longer. Once I woke up all that was gone and I started actually living my life. Now I have no guilt, no shame, no depression and never a suicidal thought. Life is good! Life is NOW.

Please please do yourself a favor and get the facts. Jwfacts.com

Landy

If you now think screwing around with people and playing games with their emotions and their psychological well being, then stop it and acknowledge it was wrong to yourself and others who might need this bit of information from this kind social behavior..

A bit harsh. I'm assuming the people he's been seeing are men. Growing up as a witness for a gay man must be purgatory.

PLAYGROUND

I don't want to play around with anyone emotions. We have talked and I have explained that I am not in any position to be in a committed relationship. So we hang with each other like we are friends to the world but behind closed doors its different. Jehovah knows, this something no one needs to tell me.

I can't continue to have my cake and pie too. This is killing me, you don't have to believe me but it is.

Landy

Is the person you're with a witness?

Finkelstein

Am I the only witness that have live this way for so long? I just need to put my thoughts down.

My bother was a closet gay and married a woman to uphold his presence in the congregation, they even had a son together, but after 10 years of marriage he couldn't hold back his own inherent sexual desires and identity so he left his wife, divorced and he went on to live a happy gay lifestyle.

Actually there was another guy who did exactly the same thing in are Hall but he had 3 children out his previous heterosexual marriage.

No need to feel guilty about a certain way your born PLAYGROUND follow your own path to nature and don't be worried about what other people think, JWS or otherwise. its 2016

PLAYGROUND

They are not a witness, that's why I was up front with them eventually when I started having feeling for them. They didn't speak to me for about a month afterwards. Little by little they came around and now we are at a good point.

Finkelstein

You need to knock out the brainwashing ignorant old religion out your head , once that's accomplished you can proceed on with your life in a honest, intelligent and forthright manner.

These guys that I mentioned subsequently badly screwed up the woman they married and perhaps the children they brought into the world.

28 years

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