Confusing Good Sex as Love (page 2)

Xena

Believe it or not, falling in love is a decision. You DECIDE to fall in love, it's not something that happens to you, like falling into a river or something. It's a decision. Problem is, too many people make that decision with too little evidence on hand.

Execllent point.

Yes you can have ~~good~~ great sex without love....but I have to admit great sex WITH love can be much more satisfying

leddfootdja

Now, in my younger days, I made the same mistake. But the men that I dated, who didn't "love" me in return, got me out of that habit. I don't know, maybe I became callous or colder because of my youthful experiences.

Robdar,

It appears we have something in common.

Six years ago, I allowed myself to get hurt terribly by someone I developed feelings for who didn't return them.

It was great fun when we got together but otherwise he was a jerk.

Never made that mistake again......

czarofmischief

yeah. But for some, sex is a possession - an identifying mark of a relationship, and they can't conceive that somebody could love them and still have sex with others...

Strange concept, really, when you think about it.

CZAR

This topic definitely opens the door to discuss COMF's position on polyamorous relationships... Since most poly relationships (vs swinging, cruising, etc) have a primary and one or more secondaries, it goes with reason that many of these folks feel the same way... Although, funny thing is, most poly's would only consider sex if there was an established emotional relationship that included trust and friendship... Thus, many loves...

Yerusalyim said it very well... Love is not an emotion, but a decision. This is a mature emotional commitment that instills feelings... vs falling in love which is a psychodymanic bonding of filling in holes in the soul...

When your partner starts filling in those pieces your missing, especially once a sexual relationship has been established, it is real easy to rationalize the feeling as "love"... its not... it's your own emotional crisis being assuaged... It's my belief that this is why "in love" sex is so wild and special... extreme highs and extreme lows... and very enjoyable !!!

But this is not the same as loving someone in the way a marriage would work.

happyout

This ties in with the whole Indecent Proposal thing (at least in a way). I can separate sex and love, and when I was single, I had a couple of bed buddies where the understanding was made at the beginning that it was just for fun, nothing serious. This was something so different from the JW mindset, that it took me a while to get over the guilt, BUT I DID!!

As long as it's open and honest, there is nothing wrong with good (safe) sex.

Happyout

Maverick

I am guilty of practicing casual sex among friends! When I was married I never touched another woman. Now I do not have that requirement. I can not get intimate with a stranger or someone I don't like. But if a friend needs a "tuneup" I will do my best to be a GOOD friend! I have my own life, home, schedule. And getting married again is not in my current plan. But the regular, closeness and touching of a woman is a great gift. And I do appreciate it. I worry that the "friend" might get stronger feeling that I have though. I have no wish to harm, but when you get to a certain age, you should know what you are doing. When they call, I have always been right up front about the relationship, they know the terms. If they move on to a solid arrangement with someone else, as a friend I am happy and stay out of the way.

In time I may find a person I want to be special with. But for now, I try to be an accommodating guy!

And ladies, you can't tell by the size of the guys feet or hands or nothing, trust me! Maverick

COMF

I am quite confused regarding this issue.

You don't seem confused to me.

Robdar

I have also had guys seem to fall in love after a single date without even a goodnight kiss.

Stacy, who can blame them for falling in love with you? You are beautiful. If I remember correctly, psychololgists refer to this kind of love as eros.

BUT, if you are emotionally suseptable, then this can make you feel like you are falling in love, when you are not.

Abaddon, I agree. But then it is easy to confuse passion or strong emotions with love. They both cause a stimulating effect. I think that this is why many people stay in abusive relationships. They confuse the emotional highs and lows with love because the feelings can be similar. Something, I guess, about pleasure and pain.

Don't take this wrong, but I like the way you think

TeeJay, don't take this wrong but I like it that you like the way I think.

Love...the kind that makes marriage last...is a decision...a commitment...the thing that sticks folks together even when the emotion waxes and wanes

Yeru, thems some wise words, my friend. I am glad that you posted them.

Because many people mistake the loss of passion for each other and the lowering of the sexual flames to be a sign that the fire is going out, that they are no longer loved by their partner. They typically move on to another relationship to find that passion again.

Skipper, if only we could find a way to keep those passions stirred. Whereas I do no think that sex is the end all of a relationship, I do think that happiness among partners can be measured by how much they have sex with each other. IMO, if one partner starts witholding sex, there are problems.

This especially can happen if the person's personality type is NF.

Skeptic, care to elaborate? Bradley and I wish to know more.

Problem is, too many people make that decision with too little evidence on hand. And an ability to engage in gymnastic sex isn't evidence enough.......When I figure out what is enough, I'll let you know. But I'm not entirely sure I'm the guru in these matters.

Frank, I tend to agree with what you said. We do make a choice to fall in love. Hey, if you finally figure it all out, I would love to hear about it.

Very painful, but very nice at the same time!

Syn, I am glad to hear a man say that nail marks on the back can be very nice. I always worry that I will hurt the one that I'm lovin but I still grab on as tightly as I can.

I have confused love with good sex.

Beryl, Ironic, yes? The feeling is so right only to be so wrong.

Huh? Hehehehe

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the lovely SP.......

but I have to admit great sex WITH love can be much more satisfying

Oh Xena, you are sooooo right about this one.

It appears we have something in common.

OMG, Leddfootdja!

Hey, sorry to hear that the guy was a jerk. I hope that you found somebody better?

an identifying mark of a relationship, and they can't conceive that somebody could love them and still have sex with others...

Czar, isn't it amazing how fast people are to try to mark their territories?

But this is not the same as loving someone in the way a marriage would work.

Gambit, since you brought it up, I did want to mention that there are 6 recognized styles of love. They are:

1. Eros---love of beauty. The lovers delight in the sensual, the immediate. They love the lines of each others bodies and are fascinated by each other.

2. Mania--obsessive love. For these lovers, satisfaction from love lasts only a few moments before the feelings must be renewed. They will lose sleep and not be able to stop thinking about the object of their affection.

3. Ludis--Playful love. Love is a game, something to play at rather than become too deeply involved in. Love is for fun, casual and often careless, nothing serious.

4. Storge--natural affection or love between companions. It usually starts in friendship and develops into something deeper.

5. Agape--brotherly love. It is abstract and ideal.

6. Pragma--Lovers are business like in looking for someone who meets their needs.

As long as it's open and honest, there is nothing wrong with good (safe) sex.

Happyout, yes! I agree. But it astounds me how quickly a lover will start playing little games, making little deceptions. Some of them are not so honest with what they really want.

But for now, I try to be an accommodating guy!

*is thinking new and unusual thoughts about Maverick*

You don't seem confused to me.

But Comf, I really, truly am confused. If there is anything that you could do to help end my confusion, please do not hesitate to offer.....

Rob

Confusing Good Sex as Love

berylblue

StinkyPantz