Some Questions; Civil Answers Please

by Swan 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  Swan

  I am questioning whether the internet is a good place to hang out. Last month I was scammed by an impostor who took advantage of me while I was depressed and vulnerable. Even this discussion board has become very vicious lately. I am beginning to question whether it is that beneficial to my deprogramming and recovery or not.

  I have met some really good people there, and some like Lady Lee and OldCrowWoman are rather exemplary in their recovery, but there are others with, what seems lately, an agenda to start trouble. Some have a "my way or the highway attitude" and if you disagree with their opinion, their black and white response is to say "Jane, you ignorant slut!" (reference to point-counterpoint debate skit on Saturday Night Live where the debate never stuck to the issue; it just degraded into name calling.)

  While I do not always agree with others opinions, I read them and consider them; at times I even learn from them. I don't need to attack the person while debating the pros and cons of a subject, but many do. I am more concerned with respecting people's beliefs, but am starting to feel animosity toward those who resort to personal attacks. I don't want to be like that. I am the kind of person who would rather win a friend than an argument.

  I am also especially concerned after a recent attack on women was quickly dealt with, but similar attacks on gay people in the last couple months were allowed to continue. I see this as an unfortunate double standard. Why is NAMBLA always brought up on threads about homosexuality, and it isn't considered as posting off-topic or as threatening or provoking language and removed? If someone posted about Lolita groups on a heterosexual thread, all hell would break loose.

  So you see, I have had lots of questions lately. Maybe it is part of the depression I have been going through lately, but the questions are still there, nonetheless. I question whether or not I would want to risk posting here if I was a lurking JW. I question whether this is really a safe and nurturing environment for people trying to recover from cult mind control. I question lately whether it is healthy for me.

  Can we discuss this civilly?

  Tammy
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  Pistoff

  A person needs a thick skin here, that is for sure. I wonder if in the congregation we used to develop an unrealistic view of how people really are or should be; there probably are a few wonderful congregations out there but the one I left a few years ago was a snake pit.

  Regarding this board, overall it is a good place. There are some real meatheads here too, though; I don't need to name them I am sure you know who I mean.

  Don't let the bastards get you down; you deserve to be here, your opinion matters and stick to the pleasant and sincere people here.
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  JeffT

  I go to a lot of message boards on the net, most of them not related to JW's. This one generates more flame wars than all the others put together. My personal theory is that some ex-dubs, discovering the freedom to say whatever they want, can't stop talking. This quickly turns into inanae arguments about free speech vs disfellowshipping. In my opinion both sides are missing the target. It is in fact possible to agree to disagree. I just think that this is an alien concept to many ex-dubs.
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  run dont walk

  I am questioning whether the internet is a good place to hang out. Last month I was scammed by an impostor who took advantage of me while I was depressed and vulnerable.

  this can happen anywhere, internet, on your street, local bar, etc.

  I am beginning to question whether it is that beneficial to my deprogramming and recovery or not.

  it is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I have met some really good people here

  it's like that anywhere you go, even the Kingdom Hall, there are some good people and there are losers, anywhere in the world it will be the same, no where is perfect.

  While I do not always agree with others opinions, I read them and consider them; at times I even learn from them. I don't need to attack the person while debating the pros and cons of a subject, but many do. I am more concerned with respecting people's beliefs, but am starting to feel animosity toward those who resort to personal attacks. I don't want to be like that. I am the kind of person who would rather win a friend than an argument.

  I don't always agree, I try to respect them as well, but I do have a short temper for the JW apolgists that frequent here, so I'm not perfect either.

  So you see, I have had lots of questions lately. Maybe it is part of the depression I have been going through lately, but the questions are still there, nonetheless. I question whether or not I would want to risk posting here if I was a lurking JW. I question whether this is really a safe and nurturing environment for people trying to recover from cult mind control. I question

  I think it is a safe and valuable site, everyone has different needs and ideas.

  Hope you stick around !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• 

  Lady Lee

  (((Tammy)))

  I think you are struggling with issues that most of us who have been here for a while have to deal with. Only you can decide if what you get that is positive outweighs some of the negative.

  Personally I have had to find my own path as we all do. I try my best to stay away from certain types of discussions and only go into the ones that appeal to me. And if I inadvertently open a thread that is not to my liking I leave.

  When I do get involved in something as I did this week I find I need to sit back and think about any response I make - if I make one.

  Just as in real life we need to assess how involved we get, so too I think we need to constantly assess how far we go in here. I am not willing to risk my emotional well-being for the site. I will defend certain values and beliefs though.

  When I read a recovery book it is rare that I find every thing in the book is useful to me. In fact most of the time only a small portion is useful. I ignore the rest. I do the same when I go shopping or when I am with friends. If the topic of discuss among a group of friends turns to something that doesn't interest me I tune out. If it becomes distateful to me I leave.

  Now with my firiends there may be some things I really like about them. But there are also things I don't like. Hey they aren't perfect and neither am I. So I take the best they offer and offer the best I have. It works pretty good and I have a few wonderful friends as a result.

  I guess I apply the same in here. Not everyone likes me. Fortunately for me I think most do. And I guess I am old enough and have matured enough to realize I don't need everyone to like me. I take what is offered in friendship and offer my best in return

  Personally I think it can be sad when some one leaves even if it is for the best of reasons. And that is pure selfishness on my part. I will miss them. But people come and go. Some leave for a while and get on with life. And when things crop up again for them they come back. Some don't come back. I wish they are well and happy. and well some old fogeys like me just become part of the furniture

  But you can make your own decisions about what is best that works for you.

  (((Tammy)))
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  onacruse

  ((Tammy))

  As you know, I've only been on the Net for a year, and I'm learning a lot. imho JWD is as good as it gets, but (as IRL) not without its flaws. All said and done, it's far far better for me to be here, and share here, than to leave on account of that relatively small part that is counter-productive.

  And you are one of the wonderfully honest and thoughtful posters that makes me want to stay.

  Craig
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  Stacy Smith

  Swan I would say that if you take things written here personally then I would say the internet is not a good place to seek support. I don't blame just this site but the majority of forums are pretty negative. I do visit other forums that aren't JW based and some are very supportive, the type where you feel as though you are among friends.

  Swan I also think that in the real world people are much more respectful towards each other.

  I'm lucky in that I spend my days away from a computer. I have lots of friends and we try to keep each other laughing througout the day. What is cool is that most of my gay/bisexual friends have way different political views than I do but we are able to express differences without insults being exchanged. On the internet it's pretty easy to attack strangers.

  I hope you do have a core group of good friends that you can rely on. It sure has helped me through some confusing times and I'm certain they'll continue to help me. Do you have good friends too?
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  Prisca

  I tend not to read the homosexual threads so maybe I've missed something, I don't know... I haven't seen that much hostility on the board recently, things are alot quieter these days compared to previous times.

  Swan, if you saw things that you felt went against the forum's guidelines, did you contact Simon or any of the moderators?
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  teejay

  it's like that anywhere you go, even the Kingdom Hall, there are some good people and there are losers, anywhere in the world it will be the same, no where is perfect. -- run dont walk
  
  The Net, like the Mall, means different things to different people, but Run summed it up well, I thought. It all depends on what you want to get out of it.
  
  It takes a while to figure out who your faves are, but I've found that most people have good things to offer, if I keep an open mind and work at not being judgmental. In that regard, I've found this a very good place to be. There is remarkable potential for growth in a place like this as we consider views that are different from our own -- even though the behaviors might be the same that we see in everyday life.
  
  I hope you stick around, Swan. You're good peeps.
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  SanFranciscoJim

  .....but similar attacks on gay people in the last couple months were allowed to continue. I see this as an unfortunate double standard. Why is NAMBLA always brought up on threads about homosexuality.....?

  As a gay exJW, let me try to field this portion of your question.

  As you know, Jehovah's Witnesses teach that homosexuality is "an abomination", "detestable", and other similar synonyms. As recently as 1997, Watchtower publications have said that homosexuality is caused by demon possession. Other Watchtower articles continue to propagate the myth that homosexuality is somehow associated with pedophilia and/or beastiality. Unfortunately, the majority of the flock are drawn into the Society's homophobia simply because "it says so in the Watchtower".

  As exJWs, many who have exited the Organization retain a certain degree of their old belief system, simply because no one has shown them an alternative view in a reasonable, logical manner. It is not that such explanations aren't out there - they are! The "A Common Bond" web site at http://www.gayxjw.org/ contains a wealth of information regarding gay & lesbian former Jehovah's Witnesses, as well as explanations on what the Bible really has to say about homosexuality.

  Nevertheless, there are those whose mindset remains behind the walls of the Watchtower. Others, having exited the Witnesses, have simply joined other religions which teach similar misconceptions about homosexuality.

  I have engaged in innumerable private discussions over the years with heterosexual exJWs regarding homosexuality and the Bible. Those with an open mind are willing to leave their homophobia at the door and engage in reasonable discussion.

  Sorry to say that there are still too many out there who take Biblical mistranslations at face value and are unwilling to listen to reason. I find that these people fall into one of two categories:

  (1) They have traded the JW belief system for another equally restrictive system which demands condemnation of those not willing to conform to their ideologies.

  (2) Some individuals suffer from internalized homophobia. Unable to come to terms with their own sexuality, they lash out at those of us who have achieved self-acceptance.