Some Questions; Civil Answers Please

by Swan 26 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  badolputtytat

  I lurked here for a long time... after that I posted under a different name a year ago..... from everything I have read on this board, my perception is that the board 'grew' much more than was ever expected when it first began.

  I think it is an excellent place for research. I spend a lot more time than you might think researching various topics. "a meeting of the minds" sorta. If nothing else, it gives me a "starting point" for many of the issues that I am dealing with, concerning my JW family that I left many years ago. Sometimes I follow a link, and spend hours hopping web-sites from there. I have met my share of good people here. A year ago, someone said some things to me on here that changed my whole perspective on life, (another story) But thanx anyway Big Tex.

  I question whether this is really a safe and nurturing environment for people trying to recover from cult mind control

  I think at times it can be a very nurturing environment. MOST of the time, if someone posts a thread with a problem, or the loss of a family member... you will find so many kind words. But when it comes to the "fluff" threads... I think you can't take everything too seriously. If you notice... the threads about Gays, or race, or sex, or other controversial things... are never really centered around JW doctrine. Even if they start out that way, they just sorta fall into ..... "fluff"?

  But as a WHOLE... I wouldn't put too much into being "nurtured" on this (or any other) public site. Not from EVERYONE anyway.

  I guess, just "consider the source". You are going to meet pecker-heads no matter where you go in life.... and when you do..... just say, "hey... this guy is a pecker-head.... I am not going to listen to that"

  I kept telling my wife (an intelligent corporate buisness-person) what a great group of people I had found on here.... I finally got her to check it out. But when she saw some of the latest topics, and read the threads..... she just looked at me and said, "nothing new about this... posting a bunch of pictures of 'tits and @$$' and a bunch of horney people talking about nothing" ..... she was NOT impressed. So I think it is a matter of when and whom, you choose to pay attention.

  JMO----- puttytat
• 

  Valis

  There once were three dudes and a evil ruler with a whiffle ball bat...Shizznatz, Meshackedup, and Inbedwego....see...these three bros were old school and they all believed they be chillin and gellin and tight w/ Jehovnatz like a villain!....Then there was the test of fahr...and yeah...Nakedbutdidn'tcare showed up and made them test their faith....

  Nakedbutdidn'tcare: Walk on thru...see if yo dog is all that Shizzle!...

  Shizzle: Yo man...peeps got my back...I ain't ascared...

  Shizzle walks though the fizzle unhizzled!

  Nakedbutdidn'tcare: So, your mighty Gizzle is the Shizzle!...we'll see!...Meshakedup...come on now!..

  Meshackedup: Dudue...I got fam and kids in the org...WTF?

  Meshackedup stomps through and gets on quietly, but unscathed...

  Nakedbutdidn'tcare: Well, I never!...I need better incense!..One left....he will be assimilated...Let's go chief!

  Inbedwego: Um, OK...when's the next Apostafest?

  Swan...maybe nonsensical, but just to say lots of reasons people are here and the more reasons they are here means the less reasons there are to be a JW....Just do what feels best for you and be cautious in your dealings with people. Just becuase people used to be JWs doesn't mean they are all that now. Take care of yourself and please do stick around...

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  xenawarrior

  (((((((((((((Tammy))))))))))))))))))

  With the internet, it's easy for some folks to spew that which they never would face to face. Some find a sense of courage that they don't really have in real life so they hide behind their screens and throw venom out onto others they'd never have the guts to in real life and they probably wouldn't want to anyway.

  Or, there are some who are totally full of crap and most everything out of their mouth is a lie from what they believe to what they do for a living and the only way they could possibly have done all they say they have is to be 100 years old and have been in perpetual motion the entire time. They figure out just what it takes to gain the attention of others and that is who they become. And that changes with the tide. Whatever seems to be popular is what they suddenly have an interest in and know so much about and they always seem to have been thinking about you recently. It's not real and neither are they but there are no real consequences for their actions on the internet- as it would be in real life. They can disappear for a bit, sometimes with a great deal of drama attached, including being suicidal and then come back to seek even more attention about their absence. And as long as they continue to get people to fall for it, they'll continue to do it.

  Not really people who you'd want to be getting support from for a real life problem.

  The thing is, there are also a great many folks who are real and whom these cats are copying so it's really hard to tell. Meeting folks in person is a good way to see how they live in real life and who they really are. However, since that isn't always possible, it's still a slippery slope and weeding through and finding the "gems" is tough.

  You'll find nastiness on any board you go to. Well maybe not- I'm trying to picture the folks on the quilting bee forum fighting- something doesn't fit in my mind about that.

  Any time you have a "support" forum, there is something behind it for which the folks there are needing support. And with that will come issues and how that has affected each individual and each person's personal coping (or not, as it were) methods about all of that. Emotions enter the picture and things get heated and then you have the folks come out whose bravery only exists behind that computer screen. It comes with the territory.

  One of the things I find on this board and others like it is that when someone brings up a problem they are experiencing- there is a great deal of support. Lots of hugs and such. That is very important and much needed and the kindness of others is wonderful and will make a person's day. But what about a solution? Okay, what are you going to do about it? What worked for you when you had this type of triggering situation or how did you stop doing this or that? Sometimes it's good to get that nudge or kick in the ass that says "hey, remember- stop that!!" and that is much needed for recovery too.

  But only the person who is recovering can decide whether they want to recover and move on to a better life more whole than they were before. And for that, I don't believe an internet board is the answer. I think it takes something more personal and more structured and this realm can provide an extra boost to that and a place to vent and share commonalities.

  Geez, sorry for the ramble - don't know where this all came from. Just my own thoughts.

  XW
• 

  avishai

  (((tammy))) I don't know if this will help, but......you have definitely helped ME in my deprogramming. So, if the negativity gets you down, which sometimes it has to, this is a negative cult, that causes all sorts of problems with all of us. It is'nt always happy. The losses it has caused all of us in our lives, family, education, normalcy, & in some cases our very lives, are horrible. It sucks. It's awful. People on here with almost no exception, are angry & screwed up. You hear, everyone? Otherwise, it's highly unlikely anyone of us would be on here. It's a choice, though, whether you choose to perpetuate the negativity, or try to help. I'd like to think I've made the latter choice, although I occasionally lash out at folks I'd hug & make dinner if I met 'em. I'm pretty damn sure you're of the latter class. Remember, you to are a part of others healing, not just your own. No guilt trip intended, by the way, if you need a break, take one. Pm me, I'll call you, O.K? Or ya can call me.
• 

  frenchbabyface

  TAMMY as Swan : all what I see here (all the responses you've got and it's also mine) is about POSITIVITY and NON POSITIVITY - it's not easy to deal with - as human we are all sensitive in DIFFERENT WAYS but still SENSITIVE. I won't tell more on this because I guess you've got the point (I'm talking too much already and it doesn’t help me at all - I know why but you don't ...)

  For my part it's the end of the holidays, it was nice or interesting anyway to meet you all ... I've had more expectations ... but … Do people get only what they deserve ? … I guess NO ... Are people always like they think they are to deserve it ?... I guess NO. WE ALL HAVE TO DEAL WITH.

  For example

  Being STRAIGHT can be very RUDE, but it depend on who gets the message and why
  some might want to have the TRUTH about what people are thinking, some just want have a HUG and forget about it (in a forum you can get both and even CRAPS - it's not your choice - since you've said something you take the risk to get any kind of answers)

  Being NICE can also be very RUDE …, again here it depend on who get the message and why would you believe me for example if I’m telling you I LOVE you very much ??? FOR NO SPECIFIC REASON in knowing that I DON’T REALLY KNOW YOU … I GUESS not. TO BE TRU somewhere it will have to depend on the subject : an answer or an topic of you that pleased me for example

  Why should you be depressed (because you're human a being, I know) but TAKE OVER, KEEP COOL As I've noticed (AND THIS IS THE TRUTH) YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF REAL FRIENDS HERE ... Isn't it NICE ? SOME PEOPLE are NOT THAT LUCKY maybe they’re fault … maybe not ? It always depend on who and why (chemistry and connection in the way of being - and by the way even in being different it can work very well). Fortunately we are enough people here, to make sure that everyone can get at least, a PEACE OF CAKE.

  BE HAPPY TAMMY ...
• 

  Ravyn

  Dear Tammy,

  If it does not feel right to you, then maybe you need to take a break. I was also a member of an Exit-Fundyism group on yahoo and there was just as much contention and flaming. In fact i quit that group after the war started becoz I was tired of that being the only subject. I am on other groups with other themes and there are not as many flames and petty maliciousness. But you have to remember the source and the fact that we all came from a much worse place. The KHs I have been in would have treated you much worse than people on this board treat you--only difference is the KHs tell you it is 'agape' and use it as an excuse to control and get in your business. On a discussion board it is up to you how much you share--big responsibility for a bunch of people who were told how to dress and cut their hair just a little while ago! You don't have to read every thread and you certainly do not have to respond or argue back. It is amazing how fast you can kill a thread by telling someone that you have nothing to 'prove' to them and don't care what they think or do!

  The internet has changed my life. made me a different person thru education. I met my husband online.

  but a JWD-fast may be in order. we all take breaks from time to time. just hang the do not disturb sign on your door and let us know you are ok and will be back later. You can't go backwards tho--and once you have been here(the Internet and JWD) it is only forward from now on. Kinda like Windows XP....

  Ravyn
• 

  gambit

  Swan --

  Great question... It's like the one in the classroom that everyone wants to ask but feels stupid asking it. Then the person that asks it is recognized as a brilliant observer of the simpler facets of the situation.

  I do much more lurking / studying / deprogramming on my own, here and other links that show up here, and any number of books on recovery (not just all JW). I think your question shows how much you have healed and/or deprogrammed. You are beginning to recognize what is good for you and what is bad for you. Don't feel bad about making a decision that is in your best interest.

  I don't have a lot to offer here myself, but I still reach out from time to time. I have thought long and hard about the reason for this and have found that when I feel I have to contribute, I do, but when the topic is simply interesting and my feelings aren't pulling me to say something, I make the choice not to... At first I felt shy, timid, incapable, worthless, and so on and so on, but now I feel like I give and take in equal proportions and don't need to respond in order to feel good about myself or to help others.

  You have added a lot of wonderful insights, thoughts, and feelings to this board. I have appreciated that and I am sure a number of others do to. Know when enough is enough... It may be time for you to begin growing in new directions, sharing in other ways, or simply experiencing some of your current state of being... Only you know, and everyone that cares about you will encourage you to take whatever steps you choose.

  gambit
• 

  Simon

  I think there are a small group of people who instill a lot of negativity and feed flame wars. With people's help, they won't have much impact as they otherwise could and of course we'll continue to take action when this happens.

  Also, remember that people are angry - they have been hurt and abused and sometimes need to vent. This can be a bit difficult to cope with sometimes.

  We do our best to strike a balance between having a board that's friendly and informative and allowing people to post with a lot of freedom.

  Obviously, it won't always be perfect and it will swing from one side to the other but we do our best.
• 

  Panda

  Tammy, I understand your depression and suffer from that too. I also did quit , almost right after I'd started posting here because I felt that somehow I should be able to answer every unfair statement. I also especially took offense at NAMBLA being considered a homosexual issue. That's like saying rapists are really into physical relationships... NO not even close, right? So, sometimes it's good to take a break. And you, of course you know you can start posting again or not. No one will DF you or shun you. Everyone has their own way of overcoming their borganization. So check out some new places on the net or maybe write a journal of your own for awhile..no one can be ON all the time.

  Big Panda Hugs {{{Swan aka Tammy}}}
• 

  Robdar

  Last month I was scammed by an impostor who took advantage of me while I was depressed and vulnerable.

  Swan, this is one of the reason why animals do not cry out when wounded. When you are vulnerable, predators come about for the free meal. What happened to you could happen anywhere, not just on the internet.

  I have met some really good people there

  There are some fine, caring, loving individuals here. Now having said that, we do not always agree with each other. Sometimes emotions run high but for the most part everybody forgives everybody else.

  Why is NAMBLA always brought up on threads about homosexuality, and it isn't considered as posting off-topic or as threatening or provoking language and removed? If someone posted about Lolita groups on a heterosexual thread, all hell would break loose.

  I saw that thread. It is my opinion that those with opposing viewpoints gave as good as they got.

  Stick around, Swan. You can help enlighten those who are coming out of a dark, dreary, intolerant existence.

  Robyn