My daughter stopped all meetings in the spring.My wife and I went to only a few meetings in the early summer and haven't been to a meeting in over 6 weeks. My elder friend stops by my work every so often and recently has asked, "Am I going to see you at the meeting tonight, Min?" I have said now on 3 occasions, "Not tonight......" The other day another elder friend called me out of the blue and asked me how things are going.He said,.he'd like to come by my work and talk a little. I told him to just call me ahead of time so we can schedule things. I know this guy. I recently told him that I resigned as an elder. (He moved away from the area and just came back this summer). He gave me that "concerned" look.....My wife has read Franz's books almost in its entirety and knows this isn't the truth. Meanwhile she's developing stronger family bonds again. She didn't turn in a report for 2 months now. This will be the first time I become "irregular". (I've turned in fake time so as to not arouse undue suspicion)........So what do you think we now can expect from the "brotherhood"?
Now That We've Stopped Meetings, What Should We Expect???
by minimus 47 Replies latest jw friends
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ignored_one
Well. Either:
1. You'll not hear from any of them for 5 years when suddenly an elder of two will show up after being told about your no longer showing at the hall.
or
2. Elders will be round almost every week wanting to 'talk' to you.
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Ignored One.
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shera
I expect,they are going to want to have a chat with you with a few other elders in tow...heheh Min,I think you know.
When I started to fade before I DA myself,I had an elder and the CO visit me and I reacted too upset and yelled."GET AWAY FROM ME!!" Gesssh,I wish now ,I never acted that way...but I was a depressed wreck,with a 5 yr old daughter who was loosing her self to this crazed religion..
I think your ither going to have DA yourself or get DF...even just tell em to get away from you and your family and you don't play by JW rules any more.
Resistance is not futile.(heh)
Heather
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minimus
I plan on telling them , as Sgt. Shultz would say, "N O T H I N G "...............I plan on saying, "Sorry, but I'm not answering any questions. Period."
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shera
Yep,that sounds good.wished I acted like that,just went on with my life and showed no reaction.
After I behaved that way,they probley were saying between one another I was in satans hold.Probley gave them want they want to help them feel they have "truth"
Take care Min
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gumby
So what do you think we now can expect from the "brotherhood"?
Wow min.....it's really happening eh? Good for you and family!
You being a likable Elder......as I'm sure you were......there will be more talk about from the publishers than action from the elders...............if you play it cool. I wouldn't tell them shit if they begin to ask whats up, and they probably will real soon. Don't put a monkey wrench in your life by telling them what you think about the Organisation as it will do no good for the cause other than self satisfaction and that isn't worth the repurcussions of being DFed and shunned by any loved ones and friends.
Now then.........give your wife a big old kiss from Gumby and tell her I still want to run off with her
Gumby
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minimus
Gumby, she was dreaming the other night and all I could hear her saying was "Gumby, Gumby".
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greven
Well, it really varies alot.
Some don't see anybody for years save the occasional 'hi' at the supermarket
Some are instantly shunned by everybody.
And some have the elders practically camping on the front porch.
I for instance am inactive but hear very little. Next sunday some elder will come by to 'talk'. We'll see what happens. I suggest yo do the same. Just see what happens and prepare for anything.
Good luck!
Greven
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blondie
Since you are an ex-elder and you and your family were "good" JWs, I figure you will have a flurry of calls. Thank goodness for Caller ID and the answering machine. You can screen out the JWs.
Some might drop by at work, but be too busy to talk and do just like you said, tell them to make an appointment, but be unavailable.
Some you may meet at the stores and they many smile and say hi, "miss you at the meetings." Just smile and wave, like Queen Elizabeth does.
It will die off. We haven't had a call for a month now, yes! We will be inactive officially by the end of this month, yes! The CA is coming up in a couple months. That may prompt a call.
Blondie (fading fast)
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Amazing
Hi Min,
This is where you need to make an important decision. Since your family is coming out with you --- good job --- you need to decide whether you care if you and/or your family want to leave quietly, fading away, or get DF'd or DA'd.
If you want to leave quietly, then there are seven things you can do, and expect:
1. Keep your trap shut! This is what got me into trouble over time. I was careful, but not careful enough. Yet, for me, I did not like the restraint on my freedom to speak honestly, openly, and to help some who doubted the Watchtower. In time it cost me, and I was forced out. To fade away you need to buy time by stalling, evading, avoiding, and keeping a LOW profile.
2. The Elders will keep bugging you for a while ... and I suspect that nowadays they are more aware of those trying to fade away than they were in the early 1990s when I left. So, I recommend going to a meeting once in a great while for the next 4 or 5 months ... this will help reduce suspecion ... but stay in among a group, do isolate yourself where a confidential conversation can happen. And if an Elder asks to speak to you in the back room ... avoid this by avoiding eye contact, and if he still manages to try and pull you away, suddenly be distracted by someone else who you want to talk to as you move toward the door and your car ... don't get pulled over!
3. Avoid the Elders like the plague ... equally fear the busy-body nosey goody-two-shoes. Don't agree to sheepherding calls or so-called friendly visits. Also, be sure to have caller ID to avoid them when the phone rings ... and disconnect your voice recorder. Then get another unlisted phone -- keep the original phone just for the JWs -- and use your new phone for personal business and voice messages. Elder visits and inquiries are rarely friendly, and shepherds do not show up. Rather, they are almost always an investigation and entrapment call ... they are suspecious that you and your family are now not involved and they suspect apostasy ...
4. Do NOT get lulled into thinking the coast is clear when they seemingly leave you alone. Just about the time you feel you can have a Christmas tree, or talk openly at the grocery store, they will be there, showing "concern" and wanting to "help" ... it is never safe unless you move about a 1,000 or more miles away in any direction ... and never at any time ever identify your past ... a sort of modified "witness self-protection" program.
5. After all your effort to avoid Elders, you are eventually bound to be unexpectedly confronted. You will be questioned. "Min, why are you not at the meetings anymore?" or "What are you doing for your spiritual health." and so on .... but, the big question that will be asked is: "Do you or do you not believe that this is God's organization." I faced these kinds of questions at the park, the store, and in my home during a 'shepherding' visit. I successfully evaded by tossing the questions back at them, like saying, "Well doesn't everyone believe that this is God's organization?" ... or ... "Well, I don't question God's organization, do you.?" This second style works well as it sounds like you are still loyal as you put the onus back on them - a good evasive tactic. If you are at the store, get distracted real fast, and act like you didn't pay attention to the question ... "Oh, just a second brothers, I just saw my wife wave at me ... we are in a rush ... let's get together sometime ... nice talking to you ... bye now." Then be sure to never get together.
6. If you, or your wife or children, have slipped up, you can expect that the Elders will without fail learn about it ... I mean that you are seen at a church for a wedding or funeral ... or you are seen buying Christmas gifts and they are wrapped in Christmas paper ... or you trust a JW friend who seems to have doubts, but is really a do-gooder wanting to report something to the Elders ... this happened to me with the do-gooders. You will be summoned to a meeting ... hint, a judicial hearing. So, your first line of defense is to be careful who you trust. But if something does slip, then you can take a number of actions ... demand and insist on evidence that they are not likely to give, this may create a stalemate for a time ... just don't go and suffer the consequences ... or get ill and reschedule until they forget ... or go, and then lie like hell if you want to avoid DFing.
7. After all your care and avoidance you will likely get a letter ... a certified letter either from the Elders or the Watchtower Society. This is doom. However, you can write on the letter, "Return to Sender, addressee unknown ... or addressee has moved, no forwarding address." NEVER sign for the certified letter unless you are ready to be DF'd. However, you then need to move real fast ... if you own your home, sign a listing agreement with Century 21 , get a sign in the yard, and get out of town in a hurry!
Hope these steps help ... there is a chance that you will succeed in quietly escaping ... be happy ... but the above are things you may experience along the way. For more ideas on what NOT to do, that is things that will fail you and NOT work for you ... but are easy traps to fall into ... let me know and I will repost my exit series ... yes, my 18 chapters on how an ex-JW can screw up in every possible way, and make a big mess out of everything ... you will see how to stay out of the minefield.
Finally ... since you were an Elder ... and you have been a JW for a long period ... you know the drill ... you instinctively understand what to do ... your inner voice will normally warn you that a certain action or statement is risky ... your life and a quiet ex-JW is a prison, and the temptation to be yourself and do as you wish will constantly rub against you desire to stay quiet ... this will never end. Eventually, the Elders will get you ... and once you are DF'd or DA'd ... then they will likely leave your family alone.
PS: Take lots of notes, you will need them for your posting experiences ... or if juicy enough, writing a book.