I don't know your pain because I was 22 when I got baptized. But it didn't take too long before I knew something wasn't right. But I thought perhaps I wasn't worthy enough. When I quit reg.pio. rather than being offered a hand to help me out of depression the CO's wife asked when I'd get back into pio service full time (I tried to aux every month) so then I felt worse. A few years later in another state as my hours were becoming nil another co's wife came and asked the same question. At that point I didn't need excuses and didn't feel guilty (college and a good psychiatrist will do that) I just said "no, not me I don't see it." As the conversation took the guilt trip phase I realized how unaffected I was by then and man alive it felt good to breathe. So I don't know your pain but I do understand the guilt trips.
Were you psychologically abused into going to meetings/service ???
by run dont walk 25 Replies latest jw friends
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Nickey
I went through a few guilt trips and still do.
"If you love Jehovah, you'd go..."
Otherwise, I'd feel lazy and evil with the way things were said.
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Nosferatu
I think that was the complete ruining of my belief in the JWs. My mother used the satement, "Don't do it for me, do it for Jehovah" over and over again. I remember when I was 15, it was a Saturday morning when I was supposed to go out on field service. I wasn't getting out of bed. My mother told me "Don't do it for me, do it for Jehovah". Well, this morning I didn't feel like doing it for Jehovah, so I didn' get out of bed. My mother comes back 5 minutes later and says, "Let me put it this way, do it or else you're going to GET IT". I didn't want to get a beating, so I had no choice but to do it for Jehovah. My mother's name should have been Jehovah.
There was another time when I had my first athsma attack, and ironically it was on a meeting night. My mother was convinced I was faking it just to get out of going to the meeting. She went to the meeting all pissed off while I stayed at home barely breathing. When she got back, I still wasn't well. I ended up going to the hospital later that night.
There were so many other times where I tried to get sick quickly so I wouldn't have to go to the meetings.
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KiraNOTKaren
yes I was too. I got all the threats and quilt trips, Dad shaking his head and that low tone about how MOM was never wanting to go <sortof like if I didn't I didn't love him either like SHE didn't cause you know MY DAD WAS JEHOVAH! I even hated the name. I was also FORCED to answer atleast ONE question per meeting. I feigned sickness yes until I REALLY WAS SICK! out in the service was a horror to me, I did NOT want to go up to strangers door and say ANYTHING! I mother never said a word out in the service, always had the other person do it but I could not get away with that.
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Bendrr
Oh it's absolutely abuse. The way so many JW parents raise their kids.......it's sickening.
I had no choice, go to every meeting, comment at every meeting, go out in service and talk at the doors. My stepdad's favorite line was "I know how you are". Thursday afternoon had to be the worst. All that studying on top of homework. And of course when done, I had to be grilled by my stepdad about whether I'd really studied everything.
Me: "I'm finished"
Him: "Everything?" (always in a stern tone and with a mean look)
Me: "Yes sir"
He'd then list every item to be studied, implying I'd skipped something, to which I'd answer "yes sir" (the only thing I was allowed to say in times like that). Then it would move to whether I'd looked up every scripture. "Yes sir". At the time I was genuinely trying to be the best little Witness I could. After the interrogation, he'd give me this hateful look and say "mmmm-hmmmm....well I know how you are!" and stomp out of the room. And I'd have to sit there feeling guilty at being accused of lying.
The family Watchtower study wasn't any better. Invariably it would always turn into a "gripe session" about me that would last for at least two hours. I'd have to sit there and be told everything I'd done wrong in the past five years or so. Five years you say? No exaggeration. I can remember at age 16 being berated for something that had happened in the fifth grade I didn't even remember.
And then they wondered why I left.
Assholes!
Mike.
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Francois
Why, yes, I found going to the meetings and out in service to be psychologically abusive. Emotionally, too. I just hated it right down to the core of my being.
francois
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Charms
In some ways, my mother was pretty relaxed. I was allowed to have worldly friends (the other jw kids were pretty unfriendly) and she didn't discourage me from college. But I remember being beaten for not wanting to go into field service. And she was adamant about me attending those boring meetings, even though we both slept through them. I will never forget the first time I refused to go to a Memorial service. She told me that Jehovah would have all of the witnesses gather at the KH for safety from Armageddon and that I might end up being destroyed if I kept missing meetings. After she left for the meeting, I had an awful feeling of dread and contemplated suicide. In my mind, I felt that I had failed Jehovah miserably, even though I was already living a double life. This freaked me out and I started having Armageddon nightmares. Who the hell knew that passing around wine and crackers that no one could eat would be so important? I am so happy to be free of the guilt and mind control. I made a personal vow never to be a part of a religion that holds people hostage with guilt and fear and strives to keep its members in darkness. Sorry to ramble, y'all.
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Phantom Stranger
uhhh waiting for the rambling. Nicely said, Charms. Welcome.
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mustang
Well, thinking back, having to go meetings and HAVING NO CHOICE in the matter...
We are talking about being "raised in the Truth(tm)". It didn't seem like abuse at the time; maybe I won't call it that now. But I'll agree with: "Just reinforces the fact that meetings and service, to most kids ARE *punishment*. "
I have learned that the whole experience may be described as "Intentional Infliction of Mental Distress" or other "Tortious Conduct".
I am gathering ideas here. A JW has been "warming up to me": he is trying to preach. I will tell him that I was forced to go to Church as a child, that it was punishment and I can't sit still through that situation longer than 10 minutes any more.
Mustang
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nelly1
oh boy :(
yeah i understand all that..and yes it comes back to guilt.. ya know it was my experience that when they were studying with me they were all over me until i got baptised.
and then after that i noticed that unless u were related to an elder or a co...you were a pioneer..or did heaps of hours and volunteered for everything, or had tons of bible studies or were a brown tongue..meaning a kiss ass then you were a nobody.
it seemed your status in the truth all depended on some or all or one or 2 of those things, u know in all my time in the org..i was never asked to do demos..once an elder went off his face at me when another sis asked me to help her with one and thats only because someone else didnt turn up to the meeting.. and my skirt had ridden up and i didnt know...and on stage the split was to high.
he went beserk dragged me outside after the meeting and went off his face..he said how dare u humiliate me like that ..it was his part on service meeting.
i will never forget that..most of my experiences with them has been them yelling at me for nothing..bunches of ass holes. il never forget that..me poor solo parent bringing up kids alone :(
no help i even had to move house on my own..might as well have been invisible. god when i look back..it was a stint in a concentration camp.
anyway thats what i noticed ,,,ohh and my kids were ignored like they were no bodies oh but elders grandkids etc oh man they r the be all and end all..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr GOD THAT USED TO PISS ME OFF. and if my daughter volunteered for a talk it was oh umm oh no sis such and such will do it.
ohh grr i could go on all day
but in answer to your ???
HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!