I need advice quick...and a hug.

dmouse

I'm in a bit of a state at the moment, my wife has just left me about 30 mins ago and took the kids...I don't know where...

OK, some of you long-timers may remember the problems I had with my son Ben, who decided that the JW religion wasn't for him about a year ago. I supported him as best I could through that and he's developed into a fine young man with a more healthy spiritual attitude, investigationg a number of Christian Churches in the area and finally settled on Church of England, which he really likes now.

Although no longer a Christian myself I have no objection to them pursuing whatever religious path they choose (obviously within reason). That has been the case with all of my children: Ben, 15, Charlotte, 14 and Chloe, 12. I have NEVER attempted to stop my wife taking them to the meetings although I have voiced to them privately my concerns about the religion. But I have had nowhere near the input into their spiritual development that my wife has.

She is a devout JW and this morning things came to a head. Charlotte has for some time been expressing to me that she doesn't believe the JW religion is the Truth anymore and really hates going. This morning, out of the blue, she told her mum that she will not go to anymore meetings. My wife got really angry. She was screaming and shouting at Charlotte, physically forcing her to get changed for the meeting, and shouting at me for 'killing the children' and how much of a bad father I was and she hated me.

I didn't know what to do

Eventually I could see that Charlotte was getting really distressed so I stepped in and told my wife that it was OK to take Cahrlotte to the meetings if she could be pursuaded through normal means but I was not going to allow her to be bullied, either through emotional blackmail or physical intervention.

My wife went ballistic and told me that if I didn't back down she would take legel action against me! She told me she had been recording things, writing them down!! (I don't know what). She was going to get me kicked out of the house.

Anyway, I stayed as calm as I could for the kids, I didn't even raise my voice even though my wife was screaming at me.

But I stuck to my guns and said that I would not let her force the children to go to a place they hated day after day week after week.

So she grabbed the girls, who were sobbing, and left in the car. Charlotte didn't even have any shoes on...

I haven't a clue where she's gone (I'm hoping her JW mother's), I didn't dare physically intervene, I just don't know where I stand on this and didn't want to make things worse.

So I'm left shaking and bewildered in an empty house wondering what the hell is going to happen and I don't know what to do.

Dean.

moonwillow

Oh Dean gives you a big hug I hope it all works out for you if you need someoen to talk to pm me.

Scully

((((((((((((( Dean ))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Would they be going to the meeting? As much as I hate the idea of setting foot in a KH ever again, in this instance I think it's worth going there to make sure your children are safe.

Since it's obvious that she's taking steps to eventually get the marriage dissolved, you had better start documenting incidents (like this one) and get yourself to a lawyer and get some advice. You shouldn't have to tolerate her saying things like "You are killing the children" nor should the children EVER be subjected to those opinions of you.

Love, Scully

minimus

Dean.....I feel SO bad for you. Your wife is losing CONTROL. It's even slipping with her children. She's angry and doesn't know what to do and probably got some "advice" to do these things. Try to reason with her and you might need to compromise. A judge could see it that way too. Try to find out why she's so angry. It seems that everytime another family member leaves, she feels more by herself. Coddle her, if you can.

frenchbabyface

((()))

gumby

Well dean......your wife has lost it......not you........please remember that.

JWism has a way of making a person feel they are the blame for things........enen though YOU know it's the religion that is the root of the problem.

Your wife has no recourse against you to "take action" as she has stated. Take action for what?

Everyone of your kids can testify you have been passive with your wife and her religious freedom ....as well as your children. I think this last little stint of hers will solidify your kids attitude about her ......and her beliefs. I think that you have stayed cool through all this is Amazing and you deserve a pat on the back.

I don't know how long you two have been together and love each other but hopefully you can work this out without legal battles and solve it somehow.

A big hug from gumby........PM me if you need to talk more to someone.

Gumby

Scully

(((((((((((((( Dean )))))))))))))))))) another hug because I think you need it!

You are a teacher, so you must know what the rules and regulations are regarding child abuse in your jurisdiction.

I think you and your wife need to meet with a counsellor from Family Services / Child Welfare (or whatever the official agency is in your area). Your wife is totally out of line being verbally and physically abusive with the children. She is being unreasonable in insisting that the girls continue to go to the KH against their will. It will only make the girls dig in their heels and resist even more if they see their mother getting even more insistent and unreasonable.

I agree with Minimus that she is terrified that she is losing control over the children. To her mind, it reflects on her own inadequacy to "bring them up in the discipline and mental regulating of Jehovah". Rather than admitting her own inadequacy or even worse to her way of thinking the inadequacy of the JW belief system to retain its youth, she chooses to use you as a scapegoat.

Bottom line: she is being abusive. To you, and to the children. Deal with her the way you would if she was the mother of one of your students who was confiding in you about things in their own home.

Love, Scully

DannyBear

Dean,

Iam with Gumby on this. In fact keep a printed copy of this story, it should work wonders with any Judge worth his robes.

To allow religion to upset children in this manner is worse than anything she may have written down about your supposed sins.

Sometimes fanatics bury themselves, without even realizing. My ex jw wife did so in our divorce. She acted like an ass, and the judge saw through it. He ended up giving her nothing she asked for, then proceeded to award the minimum amount of child support. All because she thought she was on 'gods' side.

So take heart my friend, its not always as bad as it seems.

Danny

dmouse

Thanks so much for all the support friends, it means a lot to me.

Scully, I'm going to walk round to her mother's now and see if the car is there, so at least I know they are somewhere safe. If not then I'll have to get my bike out of mothballs and go up to the hall.

L8r

Dean

Aztec

(((Dean))) Wow! She is being emotionally abusive to you and your children. Emotional abuse is even worse than physical abuse! Trust me on this, cause I know. Document everything. Write it down while it's still fresh in your mind. I don't know what the laws are like there so I'll refrain from giving any kind of legal advice but, make notes of everything. Much luck to you!

~Aztec

I need advice quick...and a hug.

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