I Guess That I am not a Christian Afterall (page 2)

Maverick

Dear Robdar: My heart goes out to you. You are feeling raw emotion, in it purest form. This hardly makes you unchristain! Don't read too much into this, and don't analyze it! With the aid of those scum-bag lawyers, ( I know scum-bag lawyer is redundant, but I love how it sounds) the other party will hit you at your most vulnerable spot. You have a right to feel as you do, this is normal and natural, don't fight it, work it out. You have much to offer as a loving person, your strength has been used to hurt you. You will prevail. Take the high road like the winner you are! Your servant, Maverick

Robdar

Lady Lee, Maverick, Mouthy and JG, you have shared some interesting thoughts and I thank you. But I cant help but feel as if I am sliding into a deep, dark, tar pit of hatred. I don't see how I can compromise what I know to be true with how I am feeling. I am not sure that I want to. I have said some awful things to God today about Mike and I wouldn't forgive me, if I was him.

Ravyn, thank you for your pm. You are so right in what you said.

With all that I am feeling right now, I am having a hard time in letting it go. I can feel it gathering in my chest and I feel as if my heart will burst with grief and anger. I am taking a valium and going to bed. God, I wish I had a big, fat joint.

Edited to add: Okay, which one of you is praying for me? I can feel you doing it. Thank you, whomever you are.

R

Brummie

Robyn, here's my take on forgiveness....take your tablet, have a good rest and sleep, tomorrow you will feel a lot better in yourself and then you can go and kick the shyte out of him.

mwah

Brummie

gumby

"Those who ask for forgivness will be forgived for things they can't forgive for."

I know I didn't quote it right but there's one like that and a couple of others. Anyway...it's good advise.

Gumby

Thunder Rider

Robdar,

Evil deeds done soley to hurt another are not worthy of forgiveness. Relish in your rage. Hating some one isn't wron, acting out that hate against them, now that's another matter. Efforts wasted on revenge that bring no closure are will only compound your hurt and anger. Think things through, and see the benefits of being out of a less than healthy relationship. See the things lost, including the dog, as necessary, reminders of a relationship that is no longer.

I'd skip the sedatives if I were you and accept things with a clead head.

As far as hatred and anger being unchristian, I seem to remember a certain carpenter who got so mad he tossed a mall!

==}>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Thunder

Yerusalyim

Robyn,

I'd like to second what Lady Lee said, unless Mike is READY to be forgiven..i.e. admits he's done wrong and apologizes, etc, he can't be forgiven.

Sure, it's important what you feel in your heart...but it's more important what you do with your actions...you haven't shot Mike in the head or taken a knife to his car tires.

What you're feeling is absolutely normal...and the bright spot is you know this doesn't square quite as evenly with the teachings of Christ as you'd like them too...that's a good thing...it means there's room for you to grow too.

I can fully identify with you considering my divorce almost 13 years ago...it took over four years just to have a civil conversation with my ex and we were fully 10 years divorced before we could really start cooperating on the kids.

Keep your chin up...keep praying...and keep taking care of yourself.

Michael

Lady Lee

Yeru

You reminded me that after I left my ex it took 10 years and the birth of my grand-daughter to be able to be in the same room with my ex without feeling intense rage and wanting to throw up.. And during those 10 years I did a lot of growing and healing.

It takes time and I really believe God knows that and gives it to us.

Robdar

take your tablet, have a good rest and sleep, tomorrow you will feel a lot better in yourself and then you can go and kick the shyte out of him.

Brummie

I do feel alot better this morning. But the depression is pretty heavy. I wish I could kick the shyte out of him, but he is 6'3" and 270 lbs. Since he knows he has it coming he will not be an easy target. Especially if he sees me first.

"Those who ask for forgivness will be forgived for things they can't forgive for."

Gumby, it is good advice. I hope you are right.

See the things lost, including the dog, as necessary, reminders of a relationship that is no longer.

Oh, Thunder, I didn't need to lose the dog to be reminded that my relationship is over. Before we went to court yesterday, I had almost healed emotionally. I could even look at my ex and be glad it was done. I had a slight emotional response to him but that is only left over from living in fear of him for many years. But losing the dog cut me to my soul.

Pwca is a living, breathing bundle of love. He has so much personality. I loved walking him and buying toys for him. He was the best little dancer and would come up to me when I was playing my CDs and ask me to dance. The experiences that I have had with him have been some of the sweetest in my life.

My dreams and pictures of him got me through these many months by giving me hope that I would see him again. I even offered Mike a settlement of not giving me alimony in order to have the dog. Mike refused. I cannot believe that I will never see Pwca again. These emotions that I am feeling are as if my little one had died.

Thank you for your good advice, but I cant look at losing my dog as necessary.

Keep your chin up...keep praying...and keep taking care of yourself.

Yeru, it is hard to find the presence of God in my heart right now. When I pray, I try to visualize that God is right in front of me, listening and responding. I can't even get to that point. I look for God and cannot find him. Who can blame him for not wanting to listen? The Bible is very specific that God is love. I have no love in me. I'm burning with hatred and a desire for revenge. I do not mean to sound dramatic when I say that I feel that I am in the grips of the devil.

It takes time and I really believe God knows that and gives it to us.

Lady Lee, I hope that you are right. I so hope that you are right. If not, I am certainly damned.

Well, time to try to compose myself. Athanasias, from this forum, is coming to KC today to continue research on the book he is writing about Rutherford. I need to make sure that he has a good time while in town.

Wish you all were here for a big ol apostafest. I tried at the last minute to arrange one with the local apostates but nobody took me up on the offer. Maybe next time.....

Robyn

teejay

>>>> It is my understanding that Christ said a couple of things were required for forgiveness. The person had to acknowledge what they had donne and ask for forgiveness. Seems to me neither has happened. -- Lady Lee

I must respectfully disagree with this. I'd like to know where Christ said any such thing.

I know the bible doesn't say this, but it's my belief that we are admonished to forgive not so much for what it does for the forgivee as for what it does for us, the forgiver.

There have been people who have done me terrible injustices -- even recently -- and have demonstrated not one whit of sorrow or indication that they did a single thing wrong toward me or my family. Still, I have forgiven them. In doing so, I firmly believe I've done myself a huge favor and freed myself of negative, counterproductive energy.

Carrying hatred and bitterness for someone who is totally unaffected by it is one of he worst things we can do to ourselves. If you were his boss... well, that would be different -- make his life a living hell. Outside of that, I recommend you let it go. You'll never forget Pwca but, from the sounds of it, there's nothing you can do about getting him back. Remember the good times you had and always hold good memories of your little friend? Sure, but other than that...

I know it sounds easy and I really don't mean it to sound that way, but what else can you do?

Forgive.

(((((( Robyn ))))))

Kenneson

Here's my recommendation. Do what Jesus says in Luke 6:28 and see what happens: "...pray for those who do you injury." Now if you pray everyday for your husband and wish him blessings and happiness, how could you continue to view him as your enemy? At least on your part, you will have a different attitude. Although I must admit it might not change him one bit. You will be changed. If not, this will eat your clock. Your thoughts of hatred will live in your mind rent free. He may or may not even be aware of them. Do you really want to be free? Then let it go.

I Guess That I am not a Christian Afterall

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