The Invisible 'Ones'

uriah

I had an insight the other day, you know the type of thing - you walk past something everyday and suddenly you become aware of it.

Well, many on this board probably have come to the same conclusion so if I am repeating it - sorry. What is it I hear you shout. Ok.

In my experience, I hardly saw any JW's except at meetings or meetings for FM. Between that time they did not exist. It was like emerging from a fog when going into the KH, the babble, brightlights - familiar things etc., and on going home it was like going back into the fog until the next time.

Many (all in fact - sorry WT habit) who have been irregular I spoke to, spoke of no-one contacting them, as though they had never existed and on going back to the hall it was as if they had never been away. No-one noticed whether they were there or not.

The other thing is I saw a JW we know today and, as she could not escape me nor me her, I said 'hello' She asked how we were and I said 'Very well thankyou, everything is bubbling along splendidly' and I was pretty up-beat. I caught a flicker of some expression that I cannot define, but what she heard and saw was not what she expected or maybe hoped for. In her mind I should have been all down in the dumps, dishevelled and hollow-eyed and suffering some great 'thing'. Why? Because when you leave 'Jehovahs People (tm)' that is what you are supposed to look like, after all you go into satan's world of debauchery, vice and gross uncleaness where my wailing and gnashing of teeth is supposed to be. But I wasn't, I couldn't have felt happier nor looked it if I tried. Puzzlement - that is now what I recognise the expression to be. She was puzzled and her brain was saying 'zzzggrrrrzzz does not compute ggzggzgzgzgzzzz should not gzgzgz be happy gzgzg does not have Kingdon Hope(tm) gzgzgzgzzzzz'

Well, that is my insight for the day, make of it what you will.

SanFranciscoJim

I had a similar experience, actually. When I was a JW, my congregation was extremely cliquish. I did not fit into any of the cliques because I (a) was a proselytized JW instead of being born into it, i.e. "new money", or (b) was the only member of my family who became a baptized JW; my parents were strong opposers, or (c) I did not have an elder, pioneer, Gilead graduate, Bethelite, or Overseer in my family. There was an elitist bouregois mentality in my congregation, which seems to have been common among the JWs from what I have heard from others. My presence was tolerated at the meetings and out in field service, but I was always made to feel like the proverbial outsider looking in. I was rarely invited to JW social functions (after I was given private reproof, I was never again invited, thanks to a blabbermouth elder's wife). Eventually, I was squeezed of my zeal and discarded like an old dishrag.

After I was disfellowshipped for homosexuality, I only once ever received a visit from an elder. He showed up on my doorstep in casual clothes, with no Bible or book bag, and began asking me very intimate questions about what two men do in bed. Although I cannot prove it, I am convinced he was trying to seduce me. Fortunately, a "worldly" friend arrived, the elder left, and never returned. That was 23 years ago, and I have never had a "shepherding call" since. Bottom line: they didn't want me in the first place, and they now most certainly don't want me back.

Victorian sky

Interesting Uriah, I haven't been ignored by anyone I knew but I've been given that look. The 'why the hell do you look happy/good/at peace look?' It is such a lie the society tells, that non dubs are miserable when it's the other way around. Some of my friends can't figure me out. They think I've got a man hiding under my bed or I'm popping happy pills. What they don't understand is that anyone who is truly free has a lot to smile about. - V Sky

Country Girl

I know the look and feel of that "stare." Through the site www.classmates.com I contacted some of my old JW girlfriends. They had actually registered there. They sent me an informative first email, but then when I answered that I was not in the The Truth <tm> anymore, no subsequent emails, even though I responded to their first ones. I was not ever baptized, nor did I ever have any intention to. My congregation was okay, they weren't mean or anything. I was always invited to the social functions. But now.. it's different. Once you say that you weren't interested then, and never would be, they drop you like a hot potatoe. Just the same ole same ole conditional love (if it can be called that). Even my Mother, now that she knows that I have contact with apostates and have challenged her religion in the past, informs me of my brother's dire illness by *email.* Sure, that's what *I* call loving.

CG

Special K

I noticed that too...

they just assume that you have a sickness a "spiritual sickness"..

I have a friend trying to exit the religion. And anyone who calls, this trying to exit person.. want to know if they are better YET?.. as if they are sick..... DAH?!!

and they ask.. How are you? and wait for you to say "I'm so sad, I feel awful""

and then you said something like wonderful and upbeat..

Yeah,, that screws with the mind set of how it is supposed to be to them..

special k

undercover

I know what you're saying. I remember when I first started fading. I had doubts but was still struggling over whether I was right or wrong. On the rare occasion that I went to a meeting, I was miserable. I felt it and I'm sure I looked it. I avoided talking to people so as not to be "encouraged" by them. I avoided the elders, walking opposite of where they were going. But then one day it hit me. These people at the hall aren't happy. They're miserable. The world is gonna end any day now and they're not sure if they'll survive. I, on the other hand, have realized that the world is not ending and no longer have that hanging over me. The relief, the weight, the pressure that was removed when I came to my senses made me a happier person. Since then, when I go to the very rare meeting, I'm the happy one out of the crowd. I actually go up to people and iniate conversations and when someone trys to "encourage" me, it usually backfires because they are expecting me to be sullen, depressed and embarrassed. It confuses them when they see that I'm relaxed, happy and carefree. It actually blows a circuit in their WT circuit board brain.

Loris

Many (all in fact - sorry WT habit) who have been irregular I spoke to, spoke of no-one contacting them, as though they had never existed and on going back to the hall it was as if they had never been away. No-one noticed whether they were there or not.

Yes, I was an invisible one for most of my 37 years "in"

I could be deathly ill or suffering from major depression and miss a couple of months of meetings. The first meeting I went to I was greeted with comments such as, " I thought you moved." (which meant they noticed I was gone but really didn't care where.) or "How you been?" (which meant they never even noticed my absence and the time interval went unnoticed,too.) Of course the elders rarely looked in my direction anyway so they didn't acknowledge their failure to come knocking on my door to inquire about my absence.

I (a) was a proselytized JW instead of being born into it, i.e. "new money", or (b) was the only member of my family who became a baptized JW; my parents were strong opposers, or (c) I did not have an elder, pioneer, Gilead graduate, Bethelite, or Overseer in my family

Me too. It was as though no one could relate to my experience so there was nothing to talk about.

Loris

Nosferatu

I love this subject.

Bro: Hi Nos! How are you doing?
Nos: <enthusiastic> Oh hello brother Soeffingreat! I'm doing fantastic! I went to college, I got me a nice certificate, and now I have an easy sitdown job in a big cushy chair, my own computer, and a little ghettoblaster so I can listen to any music I want while I work. I met an absolutely wonderful woman in a bar one night, I married her, and I'll tell you, she's the greatest woman in the world! She gives me a massage whenever I've had a hard day sitting in my cushy chair, she cooks me the tastiest meals, and we have 2 well-behaved children!
Bro: Oh, I see <puzzled look>. Well, I'll see you later.

shotgun

Hey country girl is that you in your avatar pulling your dress over your head?

mustang

What is that saying: "Living well is the best revenge" or something like that??

So, I move across country, do the "slow fade(tm)" and it is years later. My parents decide to visit me during the summer. It is COINCIDENTALLY time for a District Assembly!!! [NO, how can that be!!!]

Well, the next weekend, the parents insisted that I go to a cookout with their JW host family there. I purposely haven't seen these people in YEARS. It just so happens that an old ex-girlfriend will be there (with her not-so-ex husband).

Uhh,,, no way, like NO WAY IN HELL!!!

OK, OK, I'm finally persuaded...

But, now comes "last laugh" time: I'm still in touch with an Old Buddy from the original KH. He is a few hours away. I had phoned him anyway, so that he could come visit with my folks.

Now, Old Buddy was the girl-chasing, trouble-making scourge of the KH.

He shows up, with some girl nobody has ever seen in tow, and we make the "reunion".

And we turned the occasion on its ear. After the usual talk of "what we are doing these days", it is obvious that Old Buddy & I are HAPPILY on our way to various successes. One of the other girls from the "old days" is there and the three of us had some real rip-roaring, cut-up reminiscing!!! The ex-girlfriend, hubby & mother were either stone-faced or steaming. Old Buddy & I had a hell of a time

Mustang

The Invisible 'Ones'

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