Handling anger badly (page 2)

Billygoat

Thank you all so much. *deep breath* This has been such a hard day. I haven't gotten squat accomplished. And for once I am going home ON TIME. Not staying late tonight.

get some counseling. It will be worth it in the long run. Whether abuse from a high control group or parents, when you feel you are out of control, there are some hidden issues that must be addressed.

I have. For years and years. Tens of thousands of dollars that I haven't paid off. But I haven't been in almost a year and a half. I've not felt like I really needed it, but after last night, perhaps I should reconsider? I've got a great counselor I know I can go to when I need. But I have no health insurance right now. I won't probably until January. We can't afford it, but we make to much to get state aid.

I found it hard to access anger for a LONG TIME.. because one person in the whole house claimed all of that emotion and nobody else had access to it. (Dad had dibs on the Anger emotion)..

Wow. Did this strike a chord. Growing up, anyone getting angry was just asking to get the crap beat out of them! What did we have to get angry at? We had food on our table, clothes on our backs, toys to play with, and cars to take us field service. What on earth gives us the right to be angry EVER?!?! (That's me remembering...I don't really think that.) But yes, nowadays I sometimes fly off the handle because I'm a bit like a colt new to standing up. I don't balance it very well.

Andi, the level of anger you felt should tell you there's something else bugging you (though the cat pissing on clean clothes is certainly worth a bit of a fit, in my opinion!).

Nina, I'm tired right now. I'm working more hours than a person should. That alone makes a sane person snippy. But most of you know that I'm not very sane. LOL! I believe you're right. I have been feeling a lot of resentment regarding my family situation and I fear it's built up quite a bit. Just acknowledging that I have a RIGHT to be angry at them is a struggle for me. I can't quit crying long enough to get angry. I think perhaps me getting angry is good...I just need to learn to focus it in the right place I guess.

Thank you all so much. Truly. I appreciate y'all more than you know. Nobody...nobody understands me like y'all do. And still love me for it.

Love you,

Andi

willyloman

...our cat pisses on a pile of clothes ... His litter box is clean, but for some reason he likes to piss on clothes. Yes, the lesson Andi needs to learn is pick up the laundry and don’t let it lie around.

No, the lesson Andi needs to learn is: Get rid of the cat!

Piph

Billygoat-

I don't know you very well but I just wanted to give you a (((((HUG))))).

Thunder Rider

I know my cat pissing on our clothes and loveseat is trivial.

Trivial my ass! You ever try to get the smell of cat urine out of the cushions? We are still visited by the ever present if not somewhat dilute aroma of our cat's attitude. They went through a phase a while back and did just as you described.

As far as losing it, relax. You're not your dad. The fact that your anger made you think, shows that you're conscious of your actions and working to controll your reactions. I have been known to pop a cap from time to time. Sheila has learned that it isn't real, I'm not going to do anything, and she sees how silly I look when I'm mad, because I start talking backwards.It usually ends with us both in tears with laughter. Cut yourself some slack.

Looks like you've gotten a bunch of good advice from the other posters, figure out which suggestions might do you some good and go from there.

If you really just need to tear some one up, feel free to verbally abuse me! I don't bruise easily.

{{{{{Andi}}}}}}

Thunder ==}>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Lady Lee

((((Andi))))

First of you are being way too hard on yourself and I have to wonder if you are trying to be super woman. Any chance you can scale back on something?

The others have given you some great advice but I have a question.

You said you were watching Anger Management. I haven't seen the movie but sometimes feelings can be triggered that are all out of proportion to what is going on. Is it possible that something in the movie triggered something from your past?

Mind you I get pretty ticked off when my cats do that too. But just a thought.

Oh and do you think you could rephrase these

“You’re never going to amount to anything”

“You’re not worth of love” ------> I AM worthy of love (cuz I think you are)

“You don’t deserve to be happy” ------> I DO deserve to be happy

“You will be just like your folks” -------> I will NOT be like my folks

“Nobody wants you in their life” -------> Somebody (Neil) wants my in his life

“Don’t dare have children” -------> When I am ready I WILL have children if I choose to

“God doesn’t love you” -------> God DOES love me because he is better than my parents were

jst2laws

(((((Andie)))))

I may not be right about this but I will speak to you like a father. Your reaction to your anger today tells me you will probably be OK. (Make sure you express yourself to Neil as you did to us).

If you are saying 'I don't like this about myself' or 'this behavior is not acceptable' then follow that up with "I am going to relax this tension and change the way I react" you will modify the way you react to these things. It will not happen fast but you will get control of it. (I wonder if it is a matter of controling feelings or an emotional state that produces uncontrolable feelings. )

I would worry about you if your attitude was "Well what do you expect, the damn cat pissed on my loveseat" or "Of course I got mad, my husband sat their and did nothing". You see your need to react differently, and I love seeing that.

You ARE WORTHY.

You DESERVE TO BE LOVED.

YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO ALLOW TIME TO WORK ON THIS.

Steve

Nikita

((((((((((Andi)))))))))

I have no words of wisdom to offer (as my fellow posters before me have offered) but just wanted to give you a cyber hug.

Nikita

little witch

Billygoat,

The cat pissed on your sofa, and you yelled and slammed a door. Big deal.

Really. Big deal. Considering what you have been through, and how you were taught to deal with anger, I say you are doing very well.

You should let yourself get angry. There is nothing wrong with that. Dont feel bad for feeling bad!

I would have kicked that cats ass! lol

Women arent taught to show anger it seems. It seems like its ok for men, but not women. I dont know why.

You know the old addage, about a pot boiling over? Keeping things inside? Well, it is only natural for the steam to let off in the easiest point. ie the cat and hubby. That is no sin, hon. It is quite natural. I think given the circumstances, you are showing great restraint.

think41self

((((Andi))))

First of all...Give yourself a break sweetie! You have permission to be human and to make mistakes AND to get angry. It's ok...it doesn't mean you'll be ANYTHING like your parents! The very fact that you question if you'll be like them proves that you won't. Stop and think about it....Did they EVER question themselves?

The denial that they are still expressing shows that they are incapable of self examination. You have already grown way past them...and the borg.

You told us how much you've been working lately. You're just tired. When we're tired, our tolerance level for anything is much lower than normal. So chill out babe, you're fine. Neil, I'm sure, would agree with me on that! If you can't afford counseling right now, read some good self help books or just books that make you feel good. Remember, you may have had counseling for years...but time has passed and you look at things differently with each new day, so you may need to look again at something you think you've dealt with years ago. But somehow, I think you'll be just fine!

Tracy

Sabine

((((Andie)))),

Wow, I blow around once every few months (my poor family). Well, considering I'm on the verge of menopause, I'm still carrying around alot of anger (feeling powerless after my daughter's death) and I'm a very passionate hispanic, it happens.

What I think is helpful is to immediately admit what you did, and apologize. Think back as a child, if only our parents would have said they were sorry (and meant it), it would have made a huge difference. Neither my Mom nor Makena's parents ever, I mean never, said they were sorry for anything. Neil is so understanding and sweet, just keep owning your behavior. Also, try to stay conscience of your level of being tired, overworked, etc. I am guilty of not always being "present" or conscious of my emotional state, till I blow of course.

Big hugs to you both, and kitty too!

Handling anger badly

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