Can we forgive our parents?????????? (page 4)

joannadandy

Forgiving Our Fathers by Dick Lourie, originally published in a longer version titled Forgiving Our Fathers in a book of poems titled Ghost Radio published by Hanging Loose Press in 1998; used the book, The Lone Ranger & Tonto Fist Fight in Heaven and also used in the movie "Smoke Signals."

How do we forgive our fathers?

Maybe in a dream?

Do we forgive our fathers for leaving us to often?

Or forever, when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage, or making us nervous

because there never seemed to be any rage there at all?

Do we forgive our fathers for marrying or not marrying our mothers?

or for divorcing or not divorcing our mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?

Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning, or shutting doors?

for speaking thru walls, or never speaking, or never being silent?

Do we forgive our fathers in our age, or in theirs?

Or in their deaths, saying it to them, or not saying it.

If we forgive our fathers, what is left?

Badger

Jo:

I thought of that same poem (saw it in Smoke Signals) during this post. I'm glad you recalled it.

MrMoe

Forgive? Yes, of course, we love our parents, and could never our backs on that. But the things I was exposed to as a child I can't forget. Perhaps it is human nature to forgive only partially, because how can you forgive if you rehash the mistakes? Life wasn't horrible, all parents screw up and make mistakes, just some things are a wee bit too big to to hide, like an overwieght elephant in your kid's closet. But who knows. I have been wrong plenty before.

LyinEyes

Once again I type these words wondering if I should even speak.

Big Tex, you know I am in not therapy ,,,,,,, I am just going thru life, but yet the things you tell me you went thru in therapy, I guess in away I am doing a little bit of it on myself , if that makes sense. I am not ready for therapy, dont want it,,,,,,,I dont dare say that others shouldnt or that I wont day be ready,,,,,,,,but right now , I am going it alone. I am sure,,,,,,,,,,,,,laughing at my own dumbass,,,,,,,that I will be doing all the paper work , all the questions one day. But for now as you know Big Tex, you have to be READY to face the past , the real truth and between you and me , and all who read this post there are MAJOR issues that one day I will face,,,,,,,,,,,just not at this time , and I do this for me. I am sure you know what I mean.

Waiting,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so much of what you said I can totally understand and sounds like they are coming out of my own heart. Thanks so much for understanding what I am saying here.

Lady Lee, I have so much respect for you and I dont think , at least right now will not admit the horrors that some docs have told me had to happen to me , at the hands of my own dad. I refuse at this point in time to face that fact. In time on my road to healing, as Big Tex and my hubby has told me, I will be ready to face what so many seem to see so clearly.

It hurts to think that the person you trusted and loved so dearly could ever do such a thing. I guess that is why some of us, refuse to accept it. Especially if we had one parent passed out on the couch, or in rehab, or whatever, the one that seemed to take care of us, is the one we idolized.

I know that in time, my journey will tell me the real truth of what needs to be said in my heart. But at this moment in time, I am just not ready,,,,,,,,,,,yet by all of this all you reading this probably see it so clearly,,,,,,,,,,yet I still do not. Part of me feels gross...................just sickened, anger.........pure , hate and anger if I even hear of someone eles being hurt.........even fighting mad......but when it comes to myself, I just back away and try to dwell on the memories that make me happy. I am too scared , at this point in my life to face worse than what I know for SURE happened.

All of you , have posted so much dept in your souls that it touches me beyond what you could imagine,,,,,,,,,,,,yet I bet you do know, because you probably know exactly how I feel.

If only I could hug each and everyone of you, and radiate the feeling of companionship, understanding and love I would. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))your sis, forever Dede

LyinEyes

I wanted to add that San Fran Jim,,,,,,,,,,,,,I totally understand everyword you are saying and although I dont know you that well, from now on , I will always feel a connection with you because of what you just said.

JO,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I want to crack up with you and talk about going to sexworld, etc.............you know how we always joke,,,,,,,,,,,but this time, I just want to hug you,,,,,,,,,,,,you are a jewel, a strawberry blonde , pillowy goodness, wonderful friend and I thank you for your wisdom, your sense of humor and your deep love.

Gumby ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you said so much that moved me to tears. As always you add so much dept to any topic,,,,,,but one of this nature,,,,,,,,,,,,one that is not so defined by the poster, ME, you seem to understand without me having to say more than I am willing to say.

I appreciate all of you who can read between the lines, without drawing conclusions that even I am not sure of right now. That is the most healing thing ...........having friends that stand by you and hold you,,,,,,,,,telling you that no matter what the outcome is , what the truth may be,,,,,,,,,,you are gonna be ok.

Because of so many of you via email, phone calls, replies, I know that I and so many more who read this will know that they can make it too. That is why I post these things, not just for myself, to vent or rage , cry ,,,,,,,,but to just connect with others who just dont know where to turn to to talk about these things to with.

Thank you with all my heart,,,,,,,,,,,,,Dede

Lady Lee

LE

at least right now will not admit the horrors that some docs have told me had to happen to me , at the hands of my own dad

Hon Never ever accept what some OTHER person, doc or not, has to say about what must have happened to you.. Deal with what you know.

Billygoat

Personally, I'm not ready to forgive my parents. I'm not ready to re-establish a relationship. If they never contact me again, I can't say it would really bother me. Just thinking about my parents makes me angry sometimes. I think that's when I am experiencing the reality of the situation. I have a right to be angry at them. When I'm missing them I am experiencing the mourning of not having parents...I'm not really missing them personally. And I have a right to do that too.

But what I do miss is my little brothers. They are still very active in the Borg. I really want them to come out. And I don't have bad memories of them at all. All good memories there.

This isn't easy stuff.

waiting

O Billygoat,

You're such a sweetie.........with a strong backbone & temper. I think we all need to allow total freedom to each other to forgive or let go or remain angry or to be in a rage.

We're all different at different stages. Next week, I may change my tune a tad - one never knows.

But all of our stances are valid. We've earned the right. You have the right to feel as you do - with all the different emotions. Welcome to the club. It's hard - but you have a good partner to share with. Tell him I said "hey!".

Hey Tex!

Thanks for the compliment - unearned btw.

The movie? Was released for rental within the last 6 months. Antwon Fisher. It's perfect for this discussion - as it shows varying responses to varying situations. His first response was to just bitchslap anyone who crossed his path - landed him in the Navy jail several times. He's a remarkable man.

Highly recommend this movie and the insights in it.

waiting

LE's..................

Please take Lee's advice - don't let anyone tell you about yourself. Just take it easy. Don't assume - or let anyone else assume for you.

Thanks for the above post to me too.

waiting

Lady Lee

I watched Antwon Fischer

- definitely a must see movie

Can we forgive our parents??????????

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