How do we stop feeling like exjws?

by Brummie 50 Replies latest jw experiences

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  stillajwexelder

  BRUMMIE SAYS but I just wonder if we can ever really stop being exjws and get on with life when we get these little things happening to remind us of our past.

  Brummie what does it matter? The Roman Catholic church views everyone who was ever born a catholic no matter what religion they turn to as a lapsed catholic -- so I do not see any problem with the label ex-jw -- I agree with other posters -- being a jw for some part of your life and its after effects has made you who you are --you will always be an ex-jw - -sorry my friend
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  maybesbabies

  Many think that emotions are different from thoughts as if they were opposites, but the fact is that all thoughts have an emotional component and all emotions are likewise a function of ideas and beliefs

  I do not disagree with that, but I think that's off the topic. It's not thoughts that are the issue, but that there are "logical" thoughts and "emotional" thoughts. Many thoughts are tied to emotion, as being DF'd is not thought of on a logical level (oh well, it wasn't for me), but on an emotional level (what did I do so wrong that I'm not worthy of love and forgiveness?).

  it is not a seperation between belief and emotion but between irration beliefs which seek to move your body in ways it cannot go, like into the past and the future vs rational beliefs about what can be done right now.

  Belief and emotion are often the same thing, we are not "purely" logical creatures. "Irrational" beliefs is a subjective phrase, what is irrational to some is totally rational to another. A statement I have read, "To know better is not sufficient to do better", as we can know something logically, but be unable to apply it emotionally. It is not the difference between "thoughts and emotion", but the difference between logic and emotion.

  these emotions have NO hold on your current thinking beyond what your beliefs give them

  Ridiculous, these emotions have an absolute hold over your current thinking, because as you said, it is your beliefs that give them power, and unless you change your beliefs, then you are captive to the emotion you have at the time.

  it is bad habits of thought, misunderstandings of how thoughts and emotions are tied together, etc. which cause these bad feelings.

  B.S. "Bad Habits" vary from person to person, so what works for you may not work for another. As far as "misunderstandings of how thoughts and emotions are tied together" Thoughts and emotions go hand in hand, we are not purely logical creatures!!!!!! Your thoughts can be led by emotions the same as your thoughts can be led by logic, it has nothing to do with that.

  Everything you do in one way or another tries to bring your back to a state of contentment.... but when the dis-ease is mentally based, there can be no other cure than changes of thought pattern.

  This is NOT true, it has been proven that if you have been abused, your thoughts generally lead you back to that moment, not to contentment. I agree that there can be no cure other than changes of thought pattern, but it is not as simple as you make it seem. It takes a lot to overcome the damages that have been done!!! There is a huge difference between emotion and logic!!!!! MOST of us know what would be LOGICALLY best for us, but overcoming emotional patterns that are ingrained are not so easily overcome!!! I'm glad that you've reached a state of "ZEN", but just because you have does not mean that it's not a grueling process for the rest of us, as our emotions have a great deal to do with our progress.
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  zen nudist

  **B.S. "Bad Habits" vary from person to person, so what works for you may not work for another. As far as "misunderstandings of how **thoughts and emotions are tied together" Thoughts and emotions go hand in hand, we are not purely logical creatures!!!!!! Your thoughts can **be led by emotions the same as your thoughts can be led by logic, it has nothing to do with that.

  This is a topic often filled with misunderstandings... for example --Thoughts and emotions go hand in hand, we are not purely logical creatures-- you say this like I said the opposite when infact what I said was exactly this.

  now as to --Your thoughts can be led by emotions the same as your thoughts can be led by logic-- here you are not understanding something important. There is no emotion without a comparison and a belief involved... many of these comparisons are hidden and it takes a lot of effort to bring them to consciousness. one example of a hidden comparison is when you see someone as beautiful vs ugly. you are comparing them to a hidden template within and do not consciously realise that it is even being done without effort or learning to see it. Many emotions arise from these hidden things... this is one reason why ex JWs find it hard to break free of their emotions, they do not realize that they are making a comparison which was programmed into them by JWs. JW and christian theology in general puts a lot of effort into making an ideal fantasy world view. this view is programmed into the believer unconsciously. and once imbedded it becomes the standard of measure of all other perceptions about the world, it makes the world seem FLAWED when infact it contains the flaw. its flaw is in that it is a rejection of reality not an understanding of it... it is hard to break the habit of seeing someone as ugly, it seems like a natural property of reality, not the product of an inner comparison. so too its hard for people NOT to see themselves as flawed because they feel it too is a natural property of reality.

  with understanding people can learn to see all comparisons as they arise and to challenge their source and validity. I never claimed this was easy and for some it may not even be possible, but that is for history to record not for me to judge or pretend to know.
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  maybesbabies

  Hey, sorry Zen, having an emotional night, didn't mean to attack you. I see the point you're getting at. Just feeling very angry tonight.
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  Xandria

  

  Zen~ in part I can truly understand where you are coming from.

  http://www.dharmashop.com/Sounds/6inchsing.wav

  Zen Buddhism. It is sometimes called a religion and sometimes called a philosophy. One of the central points of Zen is intuitive understanding. As a result, words and sentences have no fixed meaning, and logic is often irrelevant. Words have meaning only in relation to who is using them, who they are talking to, and what situation they are used in. Some postings are indeed nonsense; other postings appear to be nonsense at first but this is because the meaning is all between the lines. Zen and poetry have gone hand in hand for centuries. ~ so in that thought Zen there is just not only one way to enlightenment. In short, ?zazen? or is a Buddhist practice to settle your mind in its original state: purity and clarity , and from that you can see everything in the world as it is.~ which to a point is true to do so you must seek peace of mind to find your true nature and path.

  One cannot always seperate emotion and beliefs. We are a product of an belief system. We are raised believing in what our parents teach. We are taught and programed from birth in many ways. As we become adults we develop and grow. Many of us find that we do not want to be what our parents were. It is a journey for many of us.

  When you see into your own nature, you know who you are, you know what and how every thing and being in the world really is. From this, your action and reaction will be in harmony with the whole and in situations around you.

  To see into your nature~ is to know yourself and understanding the past is part of that "enlightenment".

  Logic is the thoughtful mind~ in which we think out ourselves. As beings, ruled by beliefs, emotions and feelings~ logic doesn't always have control. Nor should it ~we are not Stepford people. The path to enlightenment Zen is not set in stone~ one must be as flexible as the cattail blowing in the wind. Respecting both the wind and the cattail for its strengths but respecting it all. To me no one "religion" or person has all the answers.

  Basically the circle comes back to you and your path to enlightenment and happiness.

  I see my sister's point quite clearly and understand where she has come from too.

  Xandria

  Of the Snatch the Pebble from my Hand Class...

  
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  arancia

  I was born catholic,I became a pentecostal for six months,then in limbo for some years,until the j.w knock to my door,I actually did like their policy and became a j.w.My husband and I left the org.a year ago,with not regretes.I am sorry that I can not help you more but once I so the label poison,I stop drinking it.Filling like exjw? not really,I do not even regret the time with them because,I consider another experience in my life that is the past.If you look back at every things that has happen to you in the past,try to remember the brightest side of it and smile,soon you will fell better.I have to practise it every day for diferent reasons and I know if you do not think positive you go crazy.
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  God is Dead

  see that's weird for me to understand as when i quit, i never looked back and never ever had a problem disassociating myself with the JW's. perhaps, because my views are and were soooo strongly against anything they spoke of or taught.

  perhaps, focus on that, (that you are making a choice to better yourself) and f**k anyone that tries to tell you how to live your life or make you happy.
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  zen nudist

  

  I am in no way suggesting that what I am trying to show is the ONLY way to accomplish the goal set out in the topic-- how do we stop feeling like an ex JW... instead I am sharing a method which has worked for me and has a universality which can be applied to all.

  the mechanics of emotions are impossible to understand even though many have been taught to think otherwise and this because those who do understand how they work have used that knowledge to manipulate and dominate others.

  here is my website page where I fully explain them www.geotcities.com/jiohdi/emotions.html
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  Eyebrow2

  Stinky well said
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  Brummie

  Thanks peeps, this has been very interesting to read. You all make great points.

  Brummie