How Did You View JEHOVAH As a JW? (Part 1)

by Prisca 22 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Prisca

  When you were a JW, how did you view Jehovah?

  • Was he some Almighty God who was to be feared yet respected ?
  • Did you fear him, terrified that if you didn't obey every commandment and Society rule, you would be doomed at Armageddon?
  • Did he seem a benevolent God, one who looked after and cherished you?
  • Did you feel as though he was close, listening to every prayer, watching over you with concern and love ?
  • Or was he watching you so as to judge every wrong thought and action, condemning you when you were anything less than spiritually strong or pure?

  And how do you view him now ?

  Has leaving the JWs affected that?

  Any outside factors as well?
• 

  jayhawk1

  Since I am not the greatest writer, I will let this picture do the talking.

  As a kid growing up and seeing this, it is obvious how I felt then. (Terrified.)
• 

  Prisca

  WOW, where is that pic taken from? I've never seen that one before.

  I was brought up on the "Paradise Lost/Restored" book (the orange book) so I had similar images of Armageddon to influence me.
• 

  jayhawk1

  Here is the page I found it on.

  http://www.unc.edu/~elliott/icon.html

  Images like this are things I saw frequently growing up. Not hard to see why my childhood sucked.
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  refiners fire

  I didnt like God at all. I didnt know how I was supposed to love someone that never talked to me. All I felt toward Him was fear. Intense fear of His anger and apprehension at the certainty of His destroying me in a rage at Armaggedon. I spent a lot of my prayer life trying to fool Him, and myself about our relationship.

  I never knew the man.
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  rocketman

  I'd say defintely not the loving, benevolent God in choice number 3. I'd pick somewhere between number 1 and 5.

  The WTS did at times try to say that God overlooks weaknesses, and loves us, and all that stuff. But the way the religion carries on in everday practice led me to view Jehovah differently. There was no closeness, no affection, no warmth, emanating from this God. I must say though that I personally have never felt close to God anyway, WTS or no WTS. It's hard feeling close to someone who supposedly wiped out all humanity (the flood), entire nations, and plans on wiping out billions in the war of Armageddon.

  And as a side point, they promote practically no concept of feeling close to Jesus. That concept is virtually totally absent from their teachings. It's all Jehovah, all the time.
• 

  smack

  exactly what RF said.

  Steve
• 

  Big Tex

  Or was he watching you so as to judge every wrong thought and action, condemning you when you were anything less than spiritually strong or pure?

  We have a winner!

  Actually I waffled between the idea that Jehovah was keeping record of every mistake (even thoughts) I made and the idea that Jehovah was like the CEO of IBM or some other global corporation and didn't know or give a damn about little people like me.

  When I was in therapy, I heard someone put it this way, and it really shook me down to my core: we often give to God the personalty traits, and flaws of our father (or father figure, i.e. uncle, older brother, etc.). I realized that Jehovah and my father were identical. My father would keep track of every nit picky flaw and gleefully point it out over the dinner table ("Why don't you do something about all those pimples, they make you look so ugly.") or he would ignore me for weeks on end. Personally I preferred being ignored.

  But as I went down the list and compared, I realized I had given to God all my father's likes and dislikes, even during prayer I realized that I had given God my father's facial expressions when I talked to him.

  It might sound difficult to change but in actuality it wasn't. My father was so completely bad all I had to do was reverse him, at least mentally and spiritually, like a jacket. So wherever Jehovah rolled his eyes as I shared some heartache, now God, my God, smiles tenderly and listens carefully as I do to my son. Where Jehovah was exclusive and judgmental, God is inclusive and open. The only one I still have trouble with is how I look. Jehovah really drilled it into me how ugly I am, and although God says it doesn't matter, it still does.

  So I've got something to work on, and probably will till the day I die.

  Anyway, that's my weird and skewed vision of a Higher Power.

  Chris
• 

  Prisca

  Big Tex,

  You've just confirmed a theory I have been thinking about, which was going to be the subject for another thread (Part Two).

  But I'll let this thread get a few more replies, before I start Part Two.
• 

  jayhawk1

  Big Tex,

  Not that I didn't already give close attention to what and how I say things to my daughter, you just gave me more to think about. Thanks for sharing.