Jehovah’s Witness dating rules

by Addison0998 34 Replies latest social relationships

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  nugget

  The first time my now husband kissed me was the day we got engaged. Even after that when we were buying a flat to be our first home he was terrified that we would be spotted in the car on our own when we were going to the solicitors. Whilst dating we were never alone. We were always in a group. We dated for nearly 3 years before getting married which is unusual for JWs since the pressure to marry quickly is very high. This explains why so many marriages fail. It helped that we were in different congregations so we didn't sit together at meetings and most people didn't know we were dating.

  Looking back it was ridiculous That being said we have been managed for 30 years.
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  Sail Away

  My husband and I dated for only 3 months before we married. We dated under the same circumstances you describe. We got married in 1978. He was 27 and had been a FT Pioneer and a MS at his assigned Bethel congregation. I was 19. This is essentially arranged marriage. The organization, the elders and your parents tell you who is acceptable to marry, when and where to get married. Some arranged marriages work out. Some don't. Sexual incompatibility is a painful thing. Please don't wait to find out until you are married that it was a mistake.
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  scruffmcbuff

  I stand by this claim and im sure many here will agree: you do not know someone tell youve lived with em!

  This process of dating just wont work!
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  Bad_Wolf

  Like another said, would suck to find out not sexually compatible. And unless your bf is leaving the religion or feels like you do, you're in for a big mess if you continue. You also don't know him at all. When alone with somebody things are different, aside from physical, how you interact, etc.
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  stuckinarut2

  Would you buy a car before test driving it?

  Would you buy a house sight unseen?

  No

  But JW culture demands that the biggest commitment of one's life is made with very little REAL background knowledge. Marriage is about how you work WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS AROUND. Yet JW culture never allows the two people to ever really be alone to discuss things properly!
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  pale.emperor

  Ah I remember Lydia the elders daughter. She was 18, I was 23. There we were not having sex for our three year relationship... we were so frustrated we resorted to her dry humping me whenever the chaperone wasnt around.

  Wonder where she is now?

  Look, this whole "no sex before marriage" thing is bad enough, but being constantly watched and snapped at for a lingering hug is just unhealthy.

  Get out! Get out now and just do whatever comes natural to the both of you.
  
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  Diogenesister

  I'd recommend a test run if you know what I mean.

  But if you can't or really don't want to, you absolutely need some alone time together....a holiday, at the very least . Rent a chalet for you, him and some friends/family. Stand your ground!! Say we are adults and answer to Jehovah if we make a mistake by getting divorced.

  Insist on your rights and don't allow them to pry!!
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  Darkknight757

  We were allowed to hold hands during the meeting and while praying only after we were engaged. Going out was a whole different story though. As soon as we started dating we could never find anyone to chaperone us so we always ended up hanging with her parents or at my sisters house. That kind of sucked. We couldn’t go out to dinner alone or go to movies or putt-putt. That part really sucked, not being able to have a normal dating experience.

  We dated at a time when there were many young people divorcing and our engagement was met with much protest. Funny that this will be our 20 year anniversary this year and most everyone we knew from the Borg have either failed marriages or they are miserable.
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  Finkelstein

  Dating rule No.1 for JWS .......

  
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  Saethydd

  I’d get out of your parents house as soon as I could. Make friends and start asking around to see if anyone is looking for a roommate. That’s how I found my current best friend (who is also my girlfriend). Dating as a nonJW is SO much better. Far fewer restrictions on what you can do with whom, the ability to actually get to know a person, not to mention a larger pool of people which drastically increases your odds of finding someone compatible:

  Also, in my opinion, trying to live a lie is just not going to be worth all the trouble and frustration that comes with it. Far better to be honest with yourself and others and just let things work out how they do, that’s how you’ll find your true friends anyway, I sadly went 21 years of my life without a single one.