My Sister's Wedding - Good and Bad News

by kelpie 45 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  BLISSISIGNORANCE

  Hey Kelpie..............sorry about Friday night. I had people over and couldn't ring you.

  Well, I don't need to ask how it went. I felt happy for you when you rang me to say you were going, but I had a feeling it was going to go the way it did.

  All I can say about your situation is that everyone has to live by what THEY choose to do. Therefore no one should try to talk someone 'in' or 'out' of THEIR decision!

  But I will say that the borg is abusive. It uses the same tactics as any abuser, whether it be sexual, mental, emotional or physical. Think about how the borg uses emotional blackmail and fear to keep people in and quiet! The abuser does the same. Think about how alot of people deal with abuse in the family. They keep putting up with it because they want the family to stay united. So in many cases the abused person may keep quiet about what's being done to them. If they ever speak out about it, some family members may even doubt it being true................this is how the borg works.

  Anyhow, I will give you a call. But just give things time. We all see things differently after the emotions have settled and this is very emotional. But I really believe that in the long run we are all happier when we don't sell ourselves short in life, and feel we've been honest to ourselves! You have to think about how your decision may effect you (and everyone in your life) in the long run. Will your kids really benefit from grandparents that won't even speak to their own daughter under certain conditions? Using their influence and power to teach them false religion? Because that's what they'll try to do when you hand power back to them! You may even end up resenting them in time. Give yourself time girl, don't jump into anything!

  I'll ring soon. Hugs to you ((((((((((((((((Kelpie)))))))))))))))))

  Cheers, Bliss
• 

  flower

  Anyway, getting off topic for a bit here. Flower, you have come such a long way from when you first posted here. You went through a lot of doubt and bad times. But look at you now! I admire you.

  lilacs, i still go through a lot of doubt and bad times but i just havent shared it here for a long time. thats sweet of you to say though..thanks!

  i have come a long way in a lot of ways though and this particular issue kelpie is dealing with i am pretty sure i am over.

  flower
• 

  avishai

  Dad then went into his lecture to Rick saying that I was the one in the wrong, he said it was like I was in jail for my wrong doings. Rick said, why dont you just walk over and give kim a hug and mum said that she is fighting with herself and finding it extremely hard to hold herself back. Dad, being the big macho man he is, said "we cannot break Jehovahs laws, not one little bit" My mum ended up walking away in tears

  No.1, Tell your fiance' He is one helluva guy for showing the restraint he did. Punching your dad in the mouth would have been near impossible for me to avoid in that situation.

  no.2 You have children? Do they REALLY need their grandparents so much that you would expose them to a a life of hatred, acceptance of child molestation, etc.? Expose them to your dads attitude? I have been through almost IDENTICAL situations as that wedding, I think many of us have. It's horrible. But your kids matter more than a relationship w/ your parents. Seriously. They need you, not abuse at the hands of a cult.

  (((((kelpie)))) I have much respect for you as a person. I will always respect you, no matter what your choice. However, I felt the need to be brutally honest in my reply, please do not take this as any reflection on yourself as a person.
• 

  kelpie

  and you say that you are mentally able to beat the control... are your children? How will going back affect them?

  My going back to the organisation (if I do) will not affect the kids because they will not go to meetings...

  If I did it, I would do what I had to do to get reinstated and then go to the occasional meeting, maybe twice a month and put in a fake monthly report (hey i can count the time witnessing to rick right?? hehe)

  As you all have said, I would not rush into anything because rick and I are not getting married until february and i wouldnt do anything until after our honeymoon in april so I have alot of time to really consider what I want. And be here for my sister.

  All the people I know that were df'd didnt have to go to the field service meetings.

  Rick and I have talked about this, and if it starts to affect our relationship, I stop because the most important thing to me is my relationship with rick.

  But.......... God I miss my family so much. Just reading all your replies has tears streaming down my face. I am such a mess right now. I know going back in name only is not being true to myself but I cant stand being away from my mum.

  oh im soooo confused and emotional....... Bliss,i look forward to your call, I may even pop around to see you..... I am such a mess at the moment.

  thank you all for your support...

  love kelps

  ps.. do you think i would give up christmas?? I love it tooooooo much.

  mac... i passed on the hug and kisses and she said you where fantastic!
• 

  shamus

  Kelpie,

  Do what is right for you! Remember that. Even if it means going back to that organization. I would not think that you are weak, or anything like that.

  Your emotions are in overdrive... rightfully so. Take lots of time to think. It is not an easy decision, and you need to take weeks if you need to.

  Take care. I am sending you a virtual hug.

  Shamus.
• 

  mizpah

  kelpie:

  Be aware that the elders may try to impose conditions upon you if you decide to be reinstated. A friend of mine met with the elders with this purpose in mind. They said that they would not reconsider a reinstatement unless he attended the meetings regularly, went out in field service again and abided by all the rules and regulations of the organization. They asked him specifics. For example, they asked him whether he would a withhold blood transfusions from his children in an emergency situation. He simply could not agree to all the terms.

  Of course, this friend had disassociated himself. So, the rules may be a little different from a disfellowshipped individual. But the elders are aware that some former members may try to get back for the purposes you mentioned: family association, etc.
• 

  Lutece

  Kelpie,

  If you can be strong for a little longer you may be able to be the one your sister comes to for information to help her finally break free from the religion and it could in turn wake your parents up to investigate too. If you go back, they will believe that you made a mistake and are repenting and that you are wishy washy, please, hang tough and just try to show them love, even if they won't accept it. Work on your mom, seems like she may break. I'm sorry you're going through this, my mom just started enforcing the shunning and it really hurts, I didn't realize how bad it would be, but I plan to be there when her witness friends show their true colors.

  Best wishes whatever you must do

  Anne
• 

  lady
• 

  avishai

  You have to do what you think is right, but dont underestimate the love your family have for you and how much it hurts them to have to avoid you. I know it the hurt my friends went through when they could have no contact with their only daughter. I know the hurt another friend has because her son has left.

  Your putting the blame on the wrong people. Your saying they "have " to avoid there family & "could'nt" have contact with there daughter & hurt because of it. It's the other way around. THEY make the choice to shun, not the ones who leave, & that's why this judgemental piece of crap religion sucks!!!!
• 

  JT

  what makes this post so sad is we are actually witnessing just how Powerful the WT Society Truly is, we are watching a woman who has literally been BROKEN by the policies of a group of guys from the Service Dept, it is truly amazing

  for all of our lives we have been told that the most important thing that one can do as a JW is to be UNWAVERING IN ONES LOYALTY TO GOD and his organization

  When a JW is asked "Why do you treat your family so COLD
  the response is SO THAT THEY CAN SEE WHAT THEY HAVE LOST AND COME BACK ON THEIR KNEES BEGGING FOR FORGIVNESS

  AS has been mentioned by another poster, this going back to the org ONLY CONFIRMS IN THEIR MIND why they SHOULD TREAT YOU LIKE DIRT

  the poster mentioned that her father was a dyed in the wool - we must be loyal elder

  well i hate to be the bearer of bad news but my dear friend you are about to become the "POSTER CHILD" FOR WHY TO TREAT YOUR DFED CHILD LIKE SH!T

  because it will make them COME BACK-

  WHY MANY Have stated they are not going to tell you what to do I AM GOING TO TELL HER WHAT TO DO- yes i know it';s up to here, but from my standpoint you are about to embark on a situation that if you think is mentally depressing you know JUST WAIT

  they will throw this stuff up in your face everytime you miss a meeting, your hours drop below 10 and ou miss a comment at the wt study

  I realize that some of you may think i am being cold or too hard FINE, but i'm just keeping it real-

  keep in mind this my dear friend, you have been labled as AN APOSTATE, there is no other label that carries with it the type of sanctions and abuse that you are about to subject yourself to in oder to get reinstated-

  in fact most jw would perfer for you to be slinging "Cooochie" all up and down Martin Luther King Ave, than to be an APOSTATES

  FOR AT least they can say it was due to WEAKNESS, but apostasy is due to WICKNESS, YES A WICKED HEART is how it is viewed-

  in my opinion the Price that you are going to pay will pale in comparsion to what you are paying now

  you see at least now you can go out an est NEW FRIENDS, ONCE you are back

  1. NO ONE WILL WANT TO HANG OUT WITH A FORMER DFED APOSTATE SO you will have little if any friends

  2. you will not be able to est friends outside of the congo for it will prevent you from being reinstated and once reinstated, you will be dogged big time for having WORLDLY FRIENDS, remember THAT IS HOW YOU GOT INTO TROUBLE TO START WITH they will say-

  your decision is very clear to any of us who are honest with ourselves- and that is it is being based ENTIRELY ON EMOTION

  and everyone knows the worst decision are made when one is emotional

  so my advice to you is take a step back for a moment and get on the phone and call up some of us here and talk OFFLINE-

  WE CAN HELP YOU GET THRU THIS FOR we ourselves have been helped let us return the favor-

  there are tons of folks on this site who would be more than willing to touchbase with you off line

  in fact feel free to call me or Lady "C" at 301-209-4629 or hit me on the email-

  [email protected]

  in my person view, THIS COULD BE THE WORST DECISION YOU EVER MAKE

  JUST MY 2