by kelpie 45 Replies latest jw experiences
Keep in mind if your dad is the way he is - he is subject to make you an example in his talks
"Yes bro my wife and i had a child dfed and it was hard, at times my family ALMOST GAVE IN, but we remained firm and today my child is back SELLING BOOKS FOR THE ORG?
Poor Kelpie........damned if you do & damned if you don't.
If you do go back.....your free conscience & mind is damned to a lying existence - as JT said. And your setting an example for your children.
They said that they would not reconsider a reinstatement unless he attended the meetings regularly, went out in field service again and abided by all the rules and regulations of the organization. They asked him specifics. For example, they asked him whether he would a withhold blood transfusions from his children in an emergency situation. - another poster up above
That's the way it is around here. And if you're labeled an apostate? You're worse....you didn't make a mistake......you defied Jehovah knowingly. You're not to be trusted.
If you don't go back....your blinded JW family damns you.
But remember this, Kelpie.....you are a FINE EXAMPLE to your neices & to your sister & to your mother IF you don't crawl back like a "dog returning to his vomit." You're free.....and on some level, at least your sister suspects that.
Don't underestimate your mother. I was her about 5 yrs back - but at a family funeral when my df'd daughter & her fiance attended. Our immediate family had never shunned her......but ALL in the congregation did & the fools even shunned her fiance - and he really tried to make friends with some there. He (Methodist) was stunned & furious. He had never met a group of such treacherous people.
It was a terrible day for me - and I suspect I was as crushed as your mother. Two years later, my husband & I slunk away from the WT......and my daughter & her husband were there to be our friends. So were my other children - thank god we weren't good jw parents
Don't underestimate your power, Kelpie.
waiting
But remember this, Kelpie.....you are a FINE EXAMPLE to your neices & to your sister & to your mother IF you don't crawl back like a "dog returning to his vomit." You're free.....and on some level, at least your sister suspects that. Don't underestimate your mother. I was her about 5 yrs back - but at a family funeral when my df'd daughter & her fiance attended. Our immediate family had never shunned her......but ALL in the congregation did & the fools even shunned her fiance - and he really tried to make friends with some there. He (Methodist) was stunned & furious. He had never met a group of such treacherous people. It was a terrible day for me - and I suspect I was as crushed as your mother. Two years later, my husband & I slunk away from the WT......and my daughter & her husband were there to be our friends. So were my other children - thank god we weren't good jw parents Don't underestimate your power, Kelpie. waiting
EXCELLENT POST
if she goes back ALL PARTIES INVOLVED LOSE that is a fact
any MOMENTARY good graces she gets by going back will INDEED BE SHORT LIVED-
i thought this quote was so interesting when it comes to jw
"The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong, is to let him have his own way."---Josh Billings
I haven't read all the posts, just the original.
I stayed in the WTS for years, fearing I would kill my grandmother if I left. I was convinced that it would kill my grandmother. As it turns out, she survived for many years after I left, and I had greatly understimated her.
They can't make decisions for you, and you can't make decisions for them - you each can only live your own lives. For any of us to subvert what we really believe, to forsake opportunities to live as fulfilling a life as possible, in order to try to make other people happier - this is indeed the meaning of "sin". You won't really save them - as long as there is someone to try to manipulate (like your other sis) they will pull the same cheap tactics. It's not because of you - it's because of their choices.
From your comment that you will disappoint others if you go back, it seems that you are making many decisions based on other people. Please, do yourself and your kids a favor - stop it! You are teaching your kids (by example) to forsake one's own happiness in order to attempt to please other people. Think about what kind of life you want for your kids - then go out and live that life as a shining example - all the others be damned, no matter what "side" they're on.
All the best in the world,
PS
(((((Kelpie)))))
it all blew up. My stepfather (whom I consider my natural father) is the only elder in his congregation and is very proud and likes to be the centre of attention, asked my sister if I was attending the ceremony and ... the reception
First off, the elder must ask the protocol questions so he could enforce elder rules...
He went off his head screaming and yelling saying if I attend they wont etc etc.
Remember there is nothing personal here ... step-pop is just being an elder. He must express his righteous indignation and continually prove his own worth as a faithfulTM elder. Otherwise, what kinda elder example would he be ...?
Mum stormed out of the house in tears, my sister ran after my mother. (like a movie)
Mom is also playing a role .
.. the dutiful elder's wife ... faithful as can be. And mirroring her husband's righteous indignation. She has to. What kind of elder's wife would she be if she was "okay" with a df'd relative attending her daughter's wedding...? Sister is trained in mom's image, of course, so must storm out of house after mum (like a movie)
My Dad called my other sister who isnt a witness (and not attending the wedding in protest) for advice. To cut a long story short, it was decided that I would attend the ceremony but not the reception and that I would stay out of mum and dad's way.
Deciding to revise the plot at the last minute is never an easy call. 
Especially if elder/director is never quite sure if all actors/actresses will follow the script. What if the new lines are too much to re-learn in such a short time frame...? Lots of phone calls are in order and some educated guessing, some threats, some crying and pleading ... and the plot thickens ...
Dad tried so hard to keep them away from me but as soon as he was distracted they came running over to me. The 8 year old broke into tears saying how much she has missed me and how long it has been. You can imagine the tears streaming down my face at her hurt. After the ceremony, my fiance walked up to mum and said hello, she threw her arms around his neck and burst into tears and just clung to him saying im sorry over and over again. Dad then went into his lecture to Rick saying that I was the one in the wrong, he said it was like I was in jail for my wrong doings. Rick said, why dont you just walk over and give kim a hug and mum said that she is fighting with herself and finding it extremely hard to hold herself back. Dad, being the big macho man he is, said "we cannot break Jehovahs laws, not one little bit" My mum ended up walking away in tears.
Yup ... the plot thickens. It is a whole "guilt trip" drama here. If they can "guilt" you back, their performance will be in line for the Academy Awards! All good dubs want you back, honey. They really believe the tale they have been told about the TroofTM. They really wanted to win you back "without a word" ... but a few words or tears for good measure might do the job, too...
They are just soooo strong but mum admitted to rick that ignoring me is killing her but they cannot and wont back down.
Now ... really ... what kinda dubs would they be if they backed down...? What kinda anti-climax would that create in this whole drama anyway? Next year ... starring role in drama at International Convention!!
Bottom line... they are putting on the performance of a lifetime in the hopes of guilting you back into the fold.
Will you be happy going back, knowing what you know about the TroofTM ...?
It isn't easy. It is a high control religion, remember...? I figure that if you and your sister can keep your loving relationship, it might help your mom to see you on the sly when she can. I imagine it helps knowing that she can "break a rule" and talk to you. Because she did it once, just know she will do it again... I figure with time, she will be less melodramatic about her covert visits with you. Hang in there, sweety! I figure that your sister and your mom will find ways of having you in their lives where possible! That is really precious!
All that drama is kind of hard to take. Just remind yourself not to take it personally. The dubs are doing what they are "expected" to do, unless they figure they can get away with a covert visit now and then. Thing is, when they are feeling unsafe, that is when you will see the drama. The covert visits will assure you that they are feeling safe to visit.
I see this as a lot of positives, believe it or not!
Good luck with your family!
ESTEE
Gday Kelpie, What a terrible situation to be in but only you can decide what is best and I hope you pray about it.
I would like to comment that isnt the WT encourageing people to be JWs in name only and what effect will this have on the future of the Organisation. Barry
