by Piph 40 Replies latest jw friends
((Euph and Piph))
You both are showing a lot of courage, taking hard steps and not losing your resolve!
fwiw, I think what you're experiencing is becoming more and more common: "active" JWs are turning their backs on the DF/DA/fade-ing policy. Not in every case, to be sure...but it's gradually becoming like a lion without teeth, and all the more so as marginalized JWs see that there're communities like ours!
Craig
Piph:
That is incredibly cool! You are quite lucky...most dubs wouldn't be so understanding. I'm happy for you!! That must have been incredibly difficult!
I was really embarrassed about this thread after the debacle that happened...one of the friends I thought I was going to be able to "keep" was the one who turned us in! I was just really surprised, because we'd been so close for eight years...and she seemed so supportive...it's just amazing the level of mind control that goes on.
The other was still loving and supportive of my feelings and views, but in view of all the changes going on, can't really associate with us or else she would endanger her own standing as well as ours. So, although we no longer associate, at least I know I still have her love. That actually is enough for me right now. She has too much at stake in her life right now to endanger herself for one friend. I totally understand and respect that.
My parents...my dad actually was the most supportive. He told me he wanted my wedding day to be happy and he said that they were going to do everything they could to keep it "the second happiest day of my life"...next to my baptism, I assume...*hurl*
After we got back from the honeymoon, my mom and I exchanged emails and she laid on the guilt pretty thick. But I was able to stand by my...self? (LOL) and explain to her how I felt. She was much more reasonable after that, and I felt much more confident and at peace with myself. We even had them over for drinks...and although things were strained, they at least were respectful enough of us to keep it light.
So...all in all...things are OK. Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. It means a lot.
Glad to see you are hanging in there even though times are not easy. Sorry that a friend who seemed to be there for you isn't there like she first seemed she would be. I'm going through the same stuff right now. In a way closing a door on long time friendships because even the most supportive (as possible under the circumstances) are in an awkward position and others turned on me with full force because of my decision. I've lost most contact with mom now due to the situation. She says she will stand by Jeh and his organization even if it means her life so that was her answer to me leaving and our relationship. The org was more important to her than our relationship. She'll stay where she is, even if it means losing another child/her last (to the world).
Since it is all new for me too, I can't say for a certainty it gets easier, but I am sure those here who have been through it longer can. I am just thinking new friends will be made and somehow the bond between family now injurred will still have some ways of mending or at least we come to accept the terms we can live with.
We have each other Piph. Hang in there.
Piph, actions speak louder than words. When I read this, I knew betrayal was on the doorstep. I don't know how many times I have said that and not really believed it about people. When I was inactive years back, I had a total of 5 people call me once, that is after 48 years of meetings and "friendship" with some of them for over 25. I learned who my friends were. When my car broke down, my boss gave me his second car to use although his family had to do a little rearranging. I had 3 co-workers help me move when my "friends" were too busy. Another went with me to the emergency room at 3 a.m. when I had an asthma attack because my "friends" were too busy. We find out that JWs "love" with conditions. It doesn't matter that you drove one to her parents 800 miles away when she couldn't afford to take a plane to see her seriously ill mother. It doesn't matter that you helped one pay for repairs on her car....get the picture. Time will sift out your true friends from those who say they are friends like chaff from the wheat and the chaff will blow away with the four winds.
This is a love song (not a friendship song) but it felt its sentiments often.
Show me! Show me! Don't talk of love lasting through time.
Make me no undying vow. Show me now!
Sing me no song! Read me no rhyme!
Don't waste my time, Show me!
Don't talk of June, Don't talk of fall!
Don't talk at all! Show me!
Never do I ever want to hear another word.
There isn't one I haven't heard.
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream;
Day one more word and I'll scream!
Blondie (remember who your best friend is, Euph, and he is not going anywhere)
(Piph and Euph)
Finding out a close freind is a traitor is horrid...as Dante said, the deepest circle of Hell is reserved for these.
I'm glad you're reasonable with the parents...The fade was a little accelerated for you two, but at least things are civil...you'll have to share how you did it...I know I'll be using it soon...with probably far less reasonable people...
((((sns)))) It's scary...isn't it? I'm really glad we have each other.
Blondie...such sad experiences. It's amazingly ridiculous, isn't it? And those are beautiful lyrics. Thanks for sharing. Yeah...I can't even imagine what I'd be going through if it wasn't for Euph. He's incredibly brave.
Thanks Badger. In my email to my mom, I basically described my emotional journey for the past few years. I just explained how I got to where I am and why I need to do this for my own emotional health. PM me if you'd like more specifics...I can send you parts of the email if you think it would help you in your situation.
Wow! ((((Piph)))) I'd love to talk to you about this sometime. My husband and I haven't "come out" yet to any of our family. I don't know when we will, we've been completely "inactive" for a year, but it sounds as if the situations might be similar otherwise. Hard thing to go through...
Odrade
(((Piph))) You've got two lovely and very rare friends....I know you must treasure them immensely!
Hugs,
Frannie B
Piph,
Losing our closest friends when we want to cease involvement in the JW faith is one of the toughest pills to swallow. It's a sad thing, but almost inevitable due to the cocoon they insist on living in. Ironically, it's always their decision, not ours.
I know all of this will get easier for you and Euph. It's the intial months of separation that hurt the most.
My best to you,
alias
