Thanks sparrowdown
Should I be mad?
by kairos 31 Replies latest jw friends
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Listener
I thought you only send soup to someone when they are sick. You send cake or biscuits as a friendly gift. -
dubstepped
Somebody sent soup. Eat it, or don't, but don't read into it. That's one of the tough things about shunning, it leaves everything to the imagination. You said that your rage was at an all time high. You might want to go see a therapist to help you process some of your feelings. This amount of rage over soup that was most likely a nice gesture is more likely the result of the emotions that have built up inside of you with no release. Go find someone to talk to that will help you release them by working through them. Rage is often just a mask for profound hurt that lies underneath. I spent many years of my life in rage and I finally realized that I had a tremendous amount of pain inside me. I started delving into that pain and let myself feel the sadness and disappointment and once I got it out the rage subsided. I found books like "Healing The Shame That Binds" to be great, along with many others on emotional abuse and other subjects.
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Dissonant15
Cognitive dissonance, anyone?
I recently learned that while my sister was df my mom would regularly call her and say, "I only have a few minutes while your father is out. I love you and I miss you. Ok, gotta go, don't tell anyone we talked! " ...SAD.
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kairos
I've been blamed for "throwing everyone away".
This is my fault.
My actions make them shun me.
I've been ignored by most local JWs for the past 2.5 years anyway.
I'm glad to be rid of them all for the most part.
Just a few of my wife's family and a few so-so friends that I miss on ocasion.I've been building a network of "worldly" friends since 2004.
Leaving was fairly simple, it was staying off the elder's radar that was my downfall. If it weren't for my wife's feelings, I would have done crazy things. I'm glad I didn't, although a secretly recorded J/C with nothing but humiliating traps for the elders would have been special.Bottom line, I told my wife, no more unauthorized contact!
Either shun or don't. No more mixed signals.
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mana11
When i was DF, there was 3 people that came to visit me one by one. They broke the rules to do so. By doing that they showed me respect and that they were not in agreement with the judgment. Those people showed by their actions that they were indeed real friends. Friends that were prepared to break the rules.
I had discussed with them all the reasons the Truth was wrong, and they agreed. not one of them is in the truth now!.They too took a stand when able to do so.
My point is that you NEVER know her real reason for sending you that soup!. Don't presume that she has bad intentions, Your DF may have awoken a cord inside her. Simply make the chance to talk to her and say, name,, thanks for the soup, you are breaking the rules to send it to me? why?. you may be surprised and get a chance to counter witness the real truth to her as i got. and even to others. if she did it to patronise you then give her the message!, but otherwise take the chance given to you!.
Remember that yes she may have shunned her daughter, but many things can trigger a wake up, she may respect you greatly, Let her know the real truth.
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FayeDunaway
I think overall, it was a nice thing she did. If I was you, I would leave a message on her machine, saying 'thanks so much for the comforting bowl of soup. It was a very nice gesture and I needed some comfort, since I am being shunned by everyone I was ever allowed to be close to, simply for changing my mind about their religion. It was so nice you thought of me, and I am never going back to that cult and I am enjoying making new friends and being able to live my life as I feel is right. Thanks again! Bye.' -
punkofnice
It shows how screwed up the cult makes them. Looks like old soupy is probably in a bit of turmoil. Of course, you could respond with a gift.
''Thank you for the soup, it was nice with a few crackers. In return for your kindness, here's a copy of 'Crisis of Conscience.' It's a good book, I hope you enjoy it."
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WingCommander
Wait......this was a woman who was supposedly close do you for 20 years, then she sends leftover soup for you?
I'd send her back a note stating to pack herself a shit sandwich next time, not to contact you again until she can act like a normal human being. I would have donated the soup to a soup kitchen. Would have made me feel better.
You've gotten away from these toxic people, now get the message out that you mean to stay away. That's what I did with my toxic in-laws, life is now better than ever.