You're right, your brother is frustrating.
my brother is so frustrating! arrgh!
by jwbot 17 Replies latest jw experiences
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mizpah
It reminds me of the normal way it was when I was growing up. No one talked about sex except in the locker rooms in school And usually the information was incorrect. Parents simply did not talk to their chldren about such things!
The best advice I can give your brother is to go to a good library and get books on the subject. Sex is always a personal and private matter. The choices that a couple make with regard to it is for them to decide. A husband must always be sensitive to his wive's feelings. He should never force practices that she finds repugnant. But it is important to determine some of these things before marriage to see if a couple is going to be compatable.
In spite of the difficulties, marriage can survive if the husband and wife love each other. My wife and I were very naive and innocent on our wedding day. But 45 years later with four wonderful children we can look back and say we made good choices and had a wonderful marriage.
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avishai
Wow. Thank god my folks were unorthodox about SOME things as JW's. They were always fairly open about talking openly about that sex stuff. Not too mention I was so fascinated w/ human sexuality that I'd read everything I could find on it at the library, masters & johnson, kinsey, etc. by the time I was 11.
Your bro has no business getting married or even having a girlfriend if he's too chickenshit to talk about "female stuff". It comes up, ya have to face it. What if every time she has her period she throws up for 12 hrs. straight? I've had a girlfriend do this, & while it was no prob for me, for someone this immature, it might be stressful.
Not to mention living with the folks. This WILL become a problem with the wife. It's hard enough to get along with inlaws you DON'T live with.
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iiz2cool
Should they even be dating at this point? It sounds to me like they both need to learn a few things - FAST - before they think of getting married. They don't talk about her monthly cycles or contraception? But they don't want kids? Sorry, but this sounds like a recipe for disaster. Also, the first 2 years of a marriage are already one hell of an adjustment without compounding things by living with parents.
Before getting married a couple needs to talk about EVERYTHING in minute detail, and there will still be surprises later. I know. I'm there.
There are a number of valid reasons for a person not to work. Temporary unemployment, physical disabilities, retraining, or child rearing are all good reasons. But he's not thinking of the future. I made the same mistake once, and had to be retrained in my mid thirties due to an on the job injury. It can happen to anyone. He could be unemployed for periods of time, or disabled. He may get hit by a bus. It would be a lot easier if she has a job from the beginning than if she tries entering the workforce during middle age or later.
At 19 and working in a gas station, he'd be better off getting an education first, and maybe living on his own for a while before thinking of getting married.
I really hope they wait, and maybe learn a few things through education and experience. And I hope they get past that JW thinking.
Walter
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jwbot
I hope they wait...but they will not, they are JW's afterall...
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CruithneLaLuna
A few years ago, having contributed my replacements to the human gene pool, I contemplated having a vasectomy. I reviewed all of the relevant literature carefully, and went ahead and did it. Not long after I had the surgery, a WT article came out that referred to those Christians who had "resorted to sterilization" - clearly indicating that although the Society would not forbid it, they were going to make you feel guilty for doing it. This was yet another example of "damned if you do and damned if you don't," of which I saw several examples in JWism over the years. Seems they just like for the publishers to feel damned - for facing the pressures of life and making conscisnetious decisions, which they are told they can and should do. This could be one of the reasons I decided to leave the org.
Cruithne
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CruithneLaLuna
I don't recall the whole thing, but the article in question was very clear on the point that sterilization was (in the writer's view) about on a par with marrying outside the faith - definitely, unequivocally wrong. That's NOT what the earlier WTs that answered questions from readers, etc. had said.
Cruithne
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mustang
Typical Dub ignorance.
I ran into the same thing talking to my stepmother. She wanted to get a "legal separation" as this was the "only way to do things in the ‘org’".
I said that wasn’t a good idea; what did the lawyer say? The lawyer said "I can’t help you that way; your rights aren’t preserved" & threw up his hands.
Right!! I’m not sure how it goes in the state she is in, but the lawyer does.
OK, so, she can stay in the house & he couldn’t return & her rights were protected; or she could leave but had to go for a divorce!!!
I said get somebody to talk to who understands these things. (Ten year old kids know more about divorce law here in California than all of the Dubs in her state combined!!!)
I suggested an eLDER that we both had known for years:
"Well, I couldn’t talk to him or it would be unseemly (the damned sex thing)!!!"
Oh, for crying out loud!!! He IS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR YOU TO TALK TO!!! If the phone is a problem, go over and talk to him through the screen door of his house while his wife is looking on!!!
Frankly, when talking to Dubs, brick walls, mud fences and telephone poles make more sense.
Being a JW doesn't prepare you for living in the real world: they are geared to something else entirely, as we all know.
I agree: frustrating to the max!!!
Mustang