My Girlfriend's a JW, but I am not, What to do???

by Another Guy 29 Replies latest jw friends

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  Another Guy

  Just wondering if anyone can help, so heres a little insight into the situation.

  We've been friens for ages but she always told me we could be nothing more she said "Theres stuff you dont know about me & you wouldnt understand" but one night i kinda hinted that i knew and she fessed up not only bout being a JW but also bout how she felt only thing is she says its not gonna work, but she wants it to work she wants me to convert and i want her to leave the orgainization. Her mothers been a witness for ten years but her father is not. Also she hasnt paid much attention to it either till a few months ago and shes starting to get into it now. So far we have talked about different topics mainly those listed in Randall Watters - "Opening the Closed Mind" She of course couldn't answer all the questions due to her limited knowledge in the Org. but some she did answer she didnt answer to true WT teachings so i think theres still a chance. She offered for me to ask her the questions that trouble me most and shes also gonna "bring some stuff round to show me" (should be interesting).

  If anyones got some helpful advice or good links it would be much appreciated.

  Also if anyone knows any ex jw's in Australia eg. support groups etc. this would also be a great help.

  Thanks again everyone!
• 

  willy_think

  RUN don't walk
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  Vita Nuova

  What Willy said. There ain't no girl, boy, woman, or man, that's worth gving up your freedom and peace of mind.
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  blondie

  Find another girlfriend or wait until this one disassociates herself (resigns formally from the JWs) and is out for at least 5 years.

  Blondie
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  NeonMadman

  Normally, I'd be chiming in right alongside the posters who are telling you to find a new girlfriend. But it sounds like you have done some research, are confident of the falsity of the JW's' teaching, and might stand a chance of getting this girl out. It's going to be a tough battle, so ask yourself whether it's really worth it. If so, prepare well. Here are a few tips:

  Have your ducks in a row. Make sure you are well versed in the topics you'll be discussing. JW's have very reasonable-sounding arguments, and they have answers for everything (not necessarily right answers, but answers). Make sure you know what you are talking about, or you could, with surprising ease, soon find yourself peddling Watchtowers from house to house.

  Try not to argue doctrine with her. Witnesses say their faith is based on the Bible, but it's really based on the organization's interpretation of the Bible. You won't get anywhere tossing scriptures back and forth, because she will always accept the "official" explanation of any scriptures you present. Your focus needs to be on the organization; show her the cracks in the Watchtower (false prophecies, lies, child molestation scandals, UN scandal, RandCam, etc.). Once she realizes that the organization is seriously flawed, the basis for her understanding of doctrine disappears.

  If she shows you something in the literature, read it carefully. When scripture is quoted or cited, ask yourself whether it really supports the point being made - frequently it does not, or is only marginally related to what the paragraph is saying. JW's are taught that their doctrines are "Bible based," but frequently that means they take a scripture and add a lot of their own ideas to it.

  If she shows you a scripture to support a teaching, read the context of the scripture, and see whether it really means what they say it does. Many of their favorite proof texts are actually taken out of context.

  If possible, get her to read Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz. It would be difficult for a sincere, honest person to read that book, in my opinion, and still remain a JW.

  If all of the above sounds too difficult or like it's too much effort, here's plan B: find a new girlfriend.

  Good luck.
• 

  detective

  Try reading steven hassan's "releasing the Bonds: Empowering people to think for themselves". He's an expert on cults and offers advice on how to deal with people who are a part of them.

  You've got a tough battle ahead. Be armed.

  good luck!
• 

  Nosferatu

  Here is a fact that few people take to heart: You shouldn't need to fight for true love.

  Attraction is a natural process. The unfortunate thing is that the Watchtower Society interferes with this natural god-given emotion. It causes people to set up boundaries to others who are no part of the JWs. Your gf can't deny the feelings she has, but the WTS has brainwashed her to feel a "problem" when she has these feelings for someone outside her religion.

  Here's the good news: she hasn't fallen too deeply into this religion yet. But if you take the wrong steps, you're going to be incredibly unhappy with this girl.

  Here's my suggestion: if she has a deep attraction for you, she'll chase after you. You've given her a little taste of yourself, now she's going to be craving it whenever you're not around. Tell her you can't get involved with someone by converting to her religion, and make the suggestion that it would be better if the two of you moved on your separate ways. What's going to happen is she's going to question what she loves more, you or the Watchtower. If she continues trying to convert you over to a religion she's not deeply involved in herself, she's going to lose you. This is where her true feelings are going to show. Don't comprimise for her to have you and the religion in her life. If her attraction is deep enough for you, she'll come back to you and leave the Watchtower behind. She's going to need some time figuring this one out for herself.

  However, if she chooses the Watchtower over you, you've just saved yourself one big headache.
• 

  Tinkerbell4125

  My advice?

  Pink Floyd - Run Like Hell
• 

  Gerard

  Been there. I'd say RUN ....Unless she is already on her way out.

  Even then, do dot wave Bibles to each other, it will take you nowhere. Instead, make her see the way this cult religion is controlling her mind. Use the psychological angle: http://freeminds.org/psych/psych.htm

  Point out that what they call The Truth is only Watchtower's doctrine.
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  Stacy Smith

  The difficult part about her being in the early stages is that she hasn't seen the negativity that goes along with being a dub. Since she's studying they're still treating her nice. She doesn't know about the control the society will put on her, such as the emotional blackmail.

  If she won't consider stepping away by reading the books listed I would follow the majority viewpoint and fun like hell. You need to think about you.