My Girlfriend's a JW, but I am not, What to do??? (page 2)

worldlygirl

Sorry, but I'm with the general concensus now... RUN. Don't wait until you're too involved and it is too late. I've been there and done that. My life will never be the same.

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone that you feel that you need to fix/rescue first? Hell, how did you attract that relationship? You might want to know the answer to that for your own reasons - so think about it as you RUN AWAY.

franklin J

if you are really in love with her.....

but I suggest you find someone else for saturday nite dates.....( could't hurt)

Oxnard Hamster

What Willy said. There ain't no girl, boy, woman, or man, that's worth gving up your freedom and peace of mind.

Wow, I'm so glad I read this thread. There is a JW girl I'm hopelessly in love with, but I think you all are right; it's just not worth it. There are more fish in the sea.

concerned mama

Perhaps a bit more information would clarify things, Another Guy. Do you know if she has been baptized? I would guess not, if she is only "getting into it" now. How old are the 2 of you? Are you looking for a casual girlfriend, or are you thinking that you might like a more serious relationship? How does she feel about her parent's mixed relationship?

Part of growing up and maturing for her is deciding whether she want so live the Witness religion/cult and culture. It sounds like she is exploring that option right now. You have received excellent advice from some of the posters here. If she is at early stages of indoctrination, it may be possible for her to break free, with your help. Remember, by turning her back on the JWs, she risks losing all her JW family and friends, and they may shun her depending on how hard line they are. It is a huge choice with enormous consequences for her.

Should she decide that she wants to stay with the JWs, make sure you separate and move on with your life. Even is she left for you, but still believed, the situation would be very risky. Unless she is completely de programmed, there would be a high risk of her going back to the JWs someday during a period of stress in her life.

Remember to protect yourself. Try and free her if you wish, but if it isn't working, it is time to move on to look for a healthier relationship.

Please check your in box.

codeblue

I ditto what Nosferatu said....

When I married Mr. Codeblue we were both active JW's....however...about a year into our marriage he started fading...This caused HUGE problems....because in his wedding vows he said we would serve Jehovah together...Thus in doing so are the 5 meetings a week and field service. (not sure if you are totally aware of the kind of life Jw's have)

This is both our second marriage....I might add. Both our first spouses where cheaters (both JW's) so we value relationships...in fact, we were so much alike because we tried everything to keep our first spouses...

So when he started fading I thought our marriage was over....I had to back off of him...I started to see why he was fading...huge issues...

I decided that I didn't get married to be "alone"...So, I left the issue alone and just worked on our marriage and time together.

Then I saw the Dateline Special about JW's and child abuse and almost fell off the couch. It disturbed me so much, they tell us the Catholic Church was so bad because they did this, and now we do the same!!! (Hypocrisy---I was highly offended) I am also turned off by the lack of love....(some of the very issues Mr. CB has had). We still want to serve Jehovah...they way he approves, not rules from men that aren't in the Bible.

If you want to pursue this relationship....just know...you have a lot of issues to deal with, you will need to have open communication and MANY talks to get thru this issue and a lot of LOVE.....Hope all goes well for you.

Codeblue

Valis

dude, find some naughty chick...anything but having a JW girlfriend. If she is a good dubbie you may never get to be naughty w/her till she's married. If she is leading a double life then fine, good for her, but I'm telling you. Don't let her push the religious stuff on you and when it starts, as if it hasn't already, affecting your relationship get out!

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

jgnat

Wow, great advice here. Being "sorta JW" is kind of like being "sorta pregnant". Both grow and give birth to a lifetime of hard labour. I know, I am a non-JW married to a JW.

If you are really keen about showing her the wrongness of this cult, I think a gentle, sideways approach is far more effective than frontal attack. Every time you hear something "off", ask questions. Ask lots and lots of questions. For example,

Do you believe everything they say in their literature?
Why?
Is it possible that the WT could have gotten anything wrong?
(if they answer yes, then why would you believe everything they say, and how does that make them any different than any other organized religion)
(if the answer no, ask them how a human-led organization can be so perfect)
How do you know this is Jehovah's chosen organization?
If I found examples of where the WT made serious errors in prediction or error, would you rethink whether this is Jehovah's organization or not?

Also, if you are serious about each other, you should find out what she would do about seasonal holidays and blood transfusions. Would she let a child of yours die for want of a blood transfusion? Would she let you die?

stillajwexelder

I know sex is not everything -- but being blunt it is part of a relationship --so I assume if she is a JW you have not yet got intimate -- if she IS prepared to get intimate --this will give you a big clue on whether to stop or run -- if she IS prepared to get intimate then she is on the way out -- I hope you make the right decision

Nosferatu

Stillajwexelder may be onto something. If she's baptized, bang her, then report her to the elders LOL!

My Girlfriend's a JW, but I am not, What to do???