by one_ugly_time 25 Replies latest jw friends
One_, I just read this thread. And Nosferatu and Xena have the best responses . I think their experiences have great value for all of us walking wounded. If I may suggest a book, The Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck. It's quite a journey that this man has been on, and I think you will appreciate his philosophy.
At 42 you are too young for the male mid-life crisis. I'd say 49 or 50 is the real mcCoy.
Panda - I actually printed this thread to take to my counselor. He doesn't quite get the religious connection, but he knows it is there. He has started talking to others and surprised me by learning some of the things I was taught but hadn't even begun to mention. xenawarrior actually had me in tears. I just don't know what to say or do when it feels like someone does understand. And I think that is part of the problem, if not the major piece.
Life is difficult. I added that to the "Things Learned Along The Way" thread the other day. It's a very good book. I have read it many times, looking for different answers. The sad part about Peck is his real life.
And please quite reminding me that I am going to go through this all over again . I'm going to package this crisis with my mid-life crisis and get them both out of the way at once. And if I can manage that, I should be so emotionally independent that I'll be a typical guy and you won't be able to get me to talk about me feelings at all. hmmmm... is that good? yeah, I think that's a good thing.
ugly
One_, You're so right about Peck's life. I kind of like that too because in his book In Search of Stones, he discusses his infidelities and other troubles (misdeeds?). I was in therapy when I was leaving the WTS. My Psychiatrist was a great help to me. I only wish I could've continued, but he moved and the new guy just wasn't the old guy.
Actually, male menapause isn't about depression. My Sweetie (Nick) went into a creative frenzy, which cost way too much money, I keep telling him that a redhead and a hot sports car would've been cheaper. But I have to admit it was amazing to see his onemindedness, kind of like an absentminded professor. I ought to write a book about that and title it ... Empowered Old Guys, or something ...
Panda -
I keep telling him that a redhead and a hot sports car would've been cheaper
But he might have ended up like Peck. That wouldn't be good. But it would give you are reason to gone on that cruise with your g/f's.
Empowered Old Guys
LOL ! That is a great title. Start with the definition that "Old" isn't age related, it applies to any guy that isn't dependent upon mom for nurturing and isn't waiting for dad to pass the baton. I think that's when it all comes home like a tornado.
As for me, I have been in therapy for quite a while. Learning to trust my feelings; as intrusive and unexplainable as they are; and the fact that my heart or head don't always want to listen. I have never healed the wounds of missing my childhood and it has been a very painful experience reliving events and understanding the characters that I call my parents.
I'm still curious if this "emotional dependency" is common or is what I am experiencing what I mentioned above. I am finally starting to realize that the mother nurturer won't ever exist, and trying to recreate it in relationships makes me appear emotionally weak and disturbed. Any thoughts or comments?
(((((((((one time)))))))))) I'm sorry - I didn't mean to make you cry.
Yes, I do have some reading for you. A great book- "Heartwounds; The Impact of Unresolved Trauma and Grief on Relationships" by Tian Dayton.
Here is part of an excerpt from it:
Any creature that bonds grieves when it experiences separation?whether it be an elephant kicked out of the herd, a duck that has lost its mate or a mother who sends her child off to college. As humans, we are biologically designed to form kinship bonds through which we learn the lessons of love, caring and intimacy. When those bonds are broken, a piece of us breaks or is traumatized by that loss. Then we go through life hungry for what is missing. When we avoid the experience of grief, we lock ourselves up in the loss; we carry around an unhealed wound.
Here is the link to the rest of the excerpt:
http://ww2.hci-online.com/tdayton/
once there, click on Heartwounds and then "read and excerpt"
XW
(((xenawarrior))) - Back atcha...
Thanks for the book idea. I I've never heard of it, but I like the simple analogies because I can draw the parallels to my own life. I had never thought that simply about loss and greiving. I'm still in my head, I guess. I know it has helped tremendously just reading real life from this board and journaling responses. When I read it from a book, although I understand that the person writing most likely experienced their own pains, the presentation quite often ends up tuned for reading and thinking versus feeling; for me anyway.
And don't worry, they were happy tears. I need more of those in order to fully bring my feelings to awareness and work through some issues.
one time
wow, one ugly time. i so completely identify with practically everything you've written. it's like reading a page from the journal i would keep if i was capable of journaling.
good luck to you on your personal journey, and to everyone else, the inciteful comments were very interesting to read and i appreciate them though they weren't directed at me.
One,
I am touched by your honesty and openess. how refreshing.
You have gotten much good advice already, and there is nothing I can add.
Just to say that, you seem to be able to verbalize here very well, so I feel you are on the brink of success on a more personal level.
I feel that I have known you all my life already! I soppose we share similar experiences and feelings.
Welcome to the board, I look forward to more conversations with you!
Tink -
wow, one ugly time. i so completely identify with practically everything you've written.
The good news is - you have the awareness and support group 20+ years before I did. I have read quite a few of your posts and I want to let you know that I see you as one very intelligent young lady.
it's like reading a page from the journal i would keep if i was capable of journaling. it's like reading a page from the journal i would keep if i was capable of journaling.
Regardless of what anyone tells you or what you might think, your mind has sooo much growing to do. Not only intellectually, but emotionally. I have found through the years that my journaling has ended up being a lifeline to reality. Even stuff like homework, research papers, english reports, and so on, make sure you save them all and date them all. As the years go by and you feel stuck or not getting anywhere, you can reread things you've saved and it will put on whole new perspective on how much growth you really have accomplished.
I have a collection of stuff kept, mostly because I was proud of the effort and the results at the time. I pulled some out 6 years later, showed them to my counselor, and he pointed out phrases that I was unaware of -- the real feelings and deep thought. He also pointed out that unconsciously, based upon the subjects I studied, and the direction I took the material that there was an underlying theme to it all. It was really enlightening. Surprisingly enough, the example I am giving you, the underlying theme was religion. I didn't know it (I did but I didn't, if you know what I mean), and I certainly didn't believe the depth of it at first. A few months later, I found this site, and I just wept for days reading what others had gone through. I would have never looked for it had he not pointed it out point blank from those papers.
(((( little witch ))) -
I am touched by your honesty and openess. how refreshing.
I am trying to reflect onto this board, with the intent of uncovering and understanding. Finding the right atmosphere for this type of emotional shedding is next to impossible, especially when you already feel like you suck people dry with your presense. (OK, a little dramatic. Can I have a ).
There are a lot of great soul-searching individuals here (comics too). It is truly refreshing . I am stepping out of my shell, m aybe someone will listen, maybe not. But the beauty of this forum is that I am shedding to the world at this point. Shame? I'm afraid that when I'm done here, I won't have anything left hiding to be ashamed of.
I feel that I have known you all my life already! I soppose we share similar experiences and feelings.
Thank you so much. Those where really kind and touching words to hear. (I read out loud sometimes, so I did hear them ). I will follow up by reading through some of your posts. I, too, look forward to more conversations.
one time
It is truly refreshing . I am stepping out of my shell, m aybe someone will listen, maybe not.
they WILL. Keep talking- we're listening.
and here's your
