Opinions Please....Engagement Timing

Stacy Smith

I've been seeing a very nice guy for two months now, every day, almost every minute. As you know it can become very obvious when a guy is about to pop the question.

I have been very honest with him about when I'd be willing to marry, which is to say not until I graduate from college which is still a 1 1/2 years away, of course I hear things like "well a couple can wait but be commited right"?

Anyway I've bounced this off of my friends and have several opinions already but I thought I'd ask it here.

How long would you date someone before you considered accepting an engagement ring?

How long would you be willing to be engaged before you marry?

Now here's the rub. I do love this man. He and I are about a perfect a match as I'm likely to ever find. Neither of us want kids. We both want and encourage the other to have careers. We laugh all the time. Both sets of parents are in favor, even his dad who I took for 150 bucks in a poker game this weekend.

So have fun. I'm not an emotional terrorist on this subject. Flame away or advise away, your choice to do.

Big Tex

I'd never flame you Stacy.

I've always heard the rule of thumb in dating is that you need 18 months to see every facet of his (or her) personality. I dated Nina for 2 years before I married her, and I've never felt as sure of anything before or since as when I married her.

My personal feeling is this: do you like him? Not love, but I mean like, as in you like hanging out with him, or he with you. Yes that means common interests, but also I think it means being able to look forward to being around someone like you do a friend. For example, Nina knows very little about my big passion, football, but she is thoroughly delighted at sharing it with me. I know next to nothing about fashion, but I will absolutely watch a fashion show with her and talk about who wore what, or the length of skirts, etc. Even after 20 years, we share things with each, because we like each other.

I believe the first thing that goes out of a relationship is passion. Nina and I acted like rabbits when we were first married, but after a year we settled down. It was then that we both realized that we had a lot in common, and we enjoyed being around each other. Often we would look for reasons to be together (hence the football and fashion shows ). Now that we've been together 20 years, and I love her the fact that her arms are sagging. I mean it. I really love it. It's a sign, a mark if you will of our time together. I snore, I'm moody and sometimes very difficult to be around, but (and I still don't understand why) she likes being around me.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I hope this helps.

Chris

minimus

TAKE YOUR TIME!!! Don't rush. IF you're meant to be with each other, do whatever you want to do now. Enjoy your freedom. If I recall, you're in your early 20's. A few more years of life's experiences wouldn't hurt you.....But whatever you do----GOOD LUCK!!!

blondie

It depends on you, Stacy. Is there good communication, do you have similar (not the "same) goals, is there a physical attraction, do enjoy spending time together?

How long does it take to know the answers to such questions? I don't know. Some people could date for 2 years and not know. Some people only a few months. A counselor I worked with said that it takes 6 months for the differences between infatuation and love to manifest themselves. Up till then, they can appear to be the same.

http://www.heritageservices.org/ab-edIIlove,%20lust,%20inf.htm

Blondie

drwtsn32

I don't think 2 months is enough time. I'd give it more time as others have suggested. If he truly is a good match, it can't possibly hurt as you'll still think he's a great guy. You have nothing to lose by waiting!

SheilaM

Myself I would have married Thunder in December we met in July. I would have said Yes to engagment right away. With my son he is giving Girlie Girl a promise ring for Christmas, then he is asking her in July and they will be married a year after he is out of the Marines so 5 years from now. He can't marry while in Yankee White position so I am hoping they get married when he is done with that in three years :D Best of luck

Stacy Smith

I don't expect flames Tex, just wanted everyone to know I don't mind brutal honesty. It's ok

Yeah we combatable. Very much so. I do like him a lot. We were friends when he dated one of my roomies earlier this year. I've known him almost two years so we've been friends for awhile. Lovers for two months.

I suspect when he goes to Maui with me and my parents he'll pop the question. I visualize a sunset on a secluded beach, a diamond and hot sex following close behind, if I say yes.

The engagement would have to last at least a year and a half, at least.

More imput if you like, I appreciate your efforts.

Sassy

You need to do what feels right for you. You already said you have been clear about your intentions of not wanting to marry until after college. If he asks now, remind him of that. It is true that you can be engaged a long time, but unless you are sure of being ready for a long engagement beginning now, then you need to trust your instincts and do what is right for you. If you don't feel ready, remind him of your love, but also that you don't want to move so fast. Tell him your not ready yet to take it to a new level. Since you brought up the subject, my guess is your are not. Whatever you do, I hope it brings you happiness either way.

Stacy Smith

Sns maybe you're right, I may not be ready. I certainly haven't made up my mind one way or the other but eventually this would be the right guy.

PopeOfEruke

Why get married at all?? You don't have to anymore, don't forget! They say marriage is an institution but does anyone really want to live in an institution?

Pope

Opinions Please....Engagement Timing

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