Opinions Please....Engagement Timing (page 3)

czarofmischief

Also wanted to point out that your view of him might not be realistic. Can you list his faults as well as his strengths?

CZAR

Much as I would have liked a romantic proposal -- in Maui, on a beach, with a beautiful sunset on the horizon -- having been married for 25 years, I am just as happy that I sort of blackmailed him into it. (He was going to be transferred and I would not have followed him away from friends and family had we not gotten married first. We had known each other almost five years by then.) My point is that by 24, I had already been abroad twice (had gone to school in Switzerland for 6 mos.), worked at three different jobs (one of which involved traveling across the US), and had had the example of my sister's young marriage and two pregnancies to sober me up on the responsibilities of being a wife and mother.

I wanted a career and a life, and I had one, before getting pregnant at 29. I now can look back happily at the "ME Decade" before I devoted myself to becoming "the cool Mom" . Even without kids, you might want to do the same before devoting yourself to being the "Loving-but-equal Wife".

Obviously, I say, "wait."

outnfree

franklin J

Stacy,

I can only advise you based on my own experience.If you are still in school, what is the big rush?

When it is the right time for you to say those "I do" words, you will know it and not have to ask .

Take it slow; if you say that you are not going to start a family ( and you may change your mind) there is no rush against a biological clock.

Why can't you both enjoy each other and postpone the marriage until school is over?

good luck, I am sure what ever decsion you make will be right for you

Frank

Nosferatu

Oh yay. Here's Nosferatu with his opinion. ;)

I haven't read everyone else's comments yet, but here's mine. There is a HUGE difference between infatuation and love. 2 months is definately not enough time to find out if you're truly in love or if you're compatible with someone. You need to definately give it more time to let all the bad habits and personality quirks come out. During the stage of infatuation, the people involved put on their "best behaviour". As time wears on, people get tired of putting on their best behaviour and enter the "comfort zone" which is where the relationship will truly be tested. If it thrives well after entering the comfort zone, the true love will shine and you'll know if you're compatible with each other or not.

Also, age 20 is quite young - I was engaged the first time when I was 20, and it didn't last. I now wish I would've spent more time out in the dating scene in my early to mid twenties.

logansrun

Personally, I'd advise the guy to see a shrink before he "pops the question."

hehe,

Bradley

William Penwell

In my case I only knew my ex for about 9 months and we were married. At the age of 21 we didn't know what we wanted and then I felt trapped and just doing my "duty". I always felt something was missing emotionally and then after 5 years of marriage my ex told me she never really loved me when we were married but felt obligated. Would I do things differently now? Yes, I would have gotten a good education, learned to know myself and what I wanted in life. I would have lived on my own for at least 5 years and learned to look after myself first. At that age I would have dated for at least 2 years before engagement. I was still young enough and I had all those years ahead of me to decide what I want out of life. A person can fool you in just a few months, so the longer the engagement the better. That?s my personal experience.

Will

Badger

Stacy:

I glad for you...love's great...

two months is a short time frame, though...Try for a more middle-of-the-road committment first...bear in mind, I don't know the whole situation, but if he does pop the ?, push for a long engagement...you'll then see any changes he may go through for that.

If he tries some sly way to get your ring size (notice any missing jewelry lately?) or has some intricately planned activity (picnic in this spot, this time, or a hockey game on THIS NIGHT) that's a sign.

Yay Stacy!

rocketman

My two cents (it's worth about that much) would be to enjoy college and concentrate on that and in the meantime just get to know the guy. No doubt you intend to do just that.

Beyond that, once you graduate, you may want to move on in a certain direction career-wise or with further education, and that may factor in too. So if he's on the same page with you by then, maybe you two really do have something worth buying a ring over.

About 2 1/2 yrs elapsed from the time I started dating what's-her-name until I married her. I'd have liked more time, looking back. I felt pressured to get engaged. That makes for resentment that can dog you for a long time - and that fact that here I am writing this after over 20 yrs of marriage proves the point.

Nosferatu

Finally got to read all the comments. Hey Blondie, great minds think alike ;)

I don't rush into thing and I can't imagine rushing into marriage.

There's one thing that noone's touched on yet. The moment after he proposes, there is going to be an incredible amount of pressure on your part Stacy. Will you end up saying "yes" just so you won't hurt his feelings, or will you stand up for your own beliefs and desires, and tell him "no"?

Stacy Smith

You guys have all offered useful advice. Of course none of you really know either of us and I factor that in too.

First yes he has faults. So do I. Nothing is every perfect. Second I will finish school before marriage. There is no doubt about that. He has a very good job offer and has accepted it. He has a few weeks to finish things up and he'll be able to work. His being a workhound will certainly lend a new perspective to how he is in the real world.

Oh I've had several relationships, some short and some long. I've gotten rid of guys in the past who weren't right.

Yes there will be huge pressure when he asks. But in all honesty I'm going to decide one way or the other before we take that trip to Maui. If I decide no I'll give him plenty of signs that he shouldn't even ask. If he asks after I've decided no I'll still say no.

Oh the bisexual thing. If I commit to him then it's just him. He is a very good lover and takes direction well. That won't be a problem. Like all people I'll check out good looking people but that doesn't mean I need to jump in the sack with them.

I've discussed this with my parents. They would be happy to see me live with them until I die. They've also seen me with plenty of boyfriends and girlfriends. Mom says this one is a keeper but that I'd better finish school before wedding bells. Mom doesn't need to worry about that. I'm no quitter.

Thanks again everyone, I'll let you know what I decide before we leave in two weeks. Then I'll let you know if he asked or not when we return.

Opinions Please....Engagement Timing

Share this