Background:
I married a "worldly" gentleman. My "approved associations" status is already up in the air--I am no longer "in the troof". I was unbaptized and just drifted away. I've never responded to my parent's guilt trips to "come back to the fold", so they have basically given up inviting me to the meetings and exhorting me to have a Bible study. My parents have never met anyone in my husband's family, though he has been with me to visit my them several times.
Scenario:
My SIL gave us a HUGE baby shower. It was a really big deal. She's extremely family-oriented and cannot understand the lack of family ties and issues with my folks, especially since we're talking immediate family here. I was torn between sending them an invitation out of sheer courtesy, or sending nothing and just not giving a damn. I was so afraid they'd act weird that I was kind of anxious about them attending and was hoping they WOULDN'T show up.
Anyway, we agreed to send them one regardless. To our shock, my mother called my SIL, thanking her profusely for thinking of them, and asking her what items the baby needed, how to get to the shower, etc. My SIL went WAAAAAAAAY out of her way to make them feel comfortable---making sure we had the foods & drinks they liked, making sure we had movies and games they liked, even postponing the installation of her Xmas decorations for fear she'd offend them somehow.
They actually showed up---very late---to the shock of all. My dad (the controller) immediately and repeatedly informed everyone that "they wouldn't be able to stay very long at all." My SIL had a game room planned out for the men at the shower, stocked with my dad's favorite drinks, snacks, and movies. She took him there to watch movies with her husband. After we got my mom caught up with the game we were playing, she shamefacedly announces to the entire room, "Well, you all will have show me how to play this, because you know I'm dumb."
My dad was AWOL throughout the entire event. I don't even know if he even ate or not. The only other time I saw him is when he came to the shower area and informed us that "he needed to speak with his wife". My mom hopped out of her chair and sprinted obediently across the room in a manner that was just pitiful. I already know, from years of experience, what he was telling her--that "Now, I have already talked with you about this and I'm not going to say this anymore, we have to leave as soon as this is over." He talks to and criticizes my mother as if she were a mentally disabled child. About everything. At every opportunity.
We finished unwrapping all our gifts. I had barely uttered the last word of my thank-you speech (I mean, BARELY, okay?) when my mother literally LEAPS OUT OF HER CHAIR, announcing, "Well, that's my cue to leave." My father already had on his coat and hat. They were out the door---I had to flag my mom down to introduce her to MY BABY'S OTHER GRANDMOTHER-TO-BE for God's sake. I had to flag her down to share some of my beautiful cake. It was utterly pathetic. Totally pathetic. I have a hunch that had I been upstairs or something, they would've left without even saying goodbye.
I am, admittedly, ticked off. I don't have this deep melancholy yearning for constant contact with them--I had a BLAST after they left, the shower lasted the whole night long. No drinking, smoking, cursing, etc.--my inlaws aren't like that. (Besides, why even attempt to show a JW that "worldly" people are decent and can have good clean fun? I made up my mind to never do that. I don't have the time to convince them of anything. If they want to remain stunted, paranoid and isolated, that's their problem.)
I promptly forgot all about them in the fun. But now, thinking back, I just feel that the whole incidentwas just so rude. Like I said, my SIL doesn't understand JW-world ; she is just so grateful that they showed up, and thinks I should be too.
If you have to make it so pathetically obvious that you are trying to avoid contamination with "thuh worldly folk", then why show up at all? I am SO VERY TEMPTED to say something to them; I don't know what nor how, or even if I should. I'm having trouble expressing how I feel. It's not like they had to stay for hours and mingle; but damn, couldn't they have at least stayed around just enough to chat a hot minute with my goddamn inlaws? I just keep feeling these pricks of "pissed-off-ness" whenever I think about it.
Thoughts? Sorry this is so long--and thanks if you read this far.