I hear ya!
I know exactly how you feel. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way towards my dub parents.
love
cj
Why bother to even show up at all? (rant)
by razorMind 22 Replies latest jw friends
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Robdar
Be glad they came and let it go. They are who they are. Your SIL isn't upset so don't let it bother you either. Just remember that you have the power to stop the insanity by not doing to your child the things that they have done to you. Show them the better way. Be patient with them. People do have the ability to change and sometimes they will. My parents have. Your's may also.
(((((Razor)))))))
Oh, btw, congratulations!
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AlanB
Hmmmm we have all experienced embarrasing stuff like that. You could try reasonsing with them in terms they may understand, in that this created a really bad witness. It is no wonder that people who have experienced close hand witness behavior do not wish to have anything to do with them or the religion.
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smurfy
I think that it was nice of them to at least make an effort but I understand it must be very hard to deal with. My fiancee (freelife) has tried many times to explain the whole shunning and "worldy" thing to me but I just don't get it. I have a feeling when we get married in May none of his family will be there nor will they even send so much as a card. It's hard for me to understand how people can break ties so close to home. I guess all the brainwashing and repeated shunning of people who venture into the world just convinces them that they will somehow be contaminated. I wish you the best!! And congratulations!!
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shotgun
I agree with robyn ...Be glad for all you have and put it behind you. Easier said than done.
It sounds like they are torn between the control the WT org has on them and their love for you and probably also wanting to be part of your babies future. Instead of feeling dislke for them feel sorry for the control exercised over them, so evident in your description of your mom's behavior and also your fathers.
Enjoy motherhood and it will also make you see the turmoil your mother is probably in. Loving a child never really stops and it goes against all of our emotions to shun what we love so much, the control which is reinforced by the WT continually puts a barrier in the mind of its followers to believe this is the only correct action no matter how painful.
Take care Razor and congrats
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razorMind
Thanks for all your excellent points.
It's just so sad....to be that afraid (though my father's "worldly folk" paranoia doesn't seem to come across as 'fear'; more like utter contempt) of the outside world.
My SIL's eternal joy at them showing up is just a little irritating as well. Especially when I know their behavior from long experience, while she thinks they are making major changes. PLEASE. My father's been an elder forever and won't give up that power for anything in the world.
They made vague noises about "seeing them another time"; I hate to ruin my SIL's joy when I tell her that that vague promise will be promptly forgotten. She's envisioning summer cookouts and 4th of July get-togethers, and I'm trying to tell her that it just ain't gonna happen.
I think I'll end up just letting it go, but might just make an offhand small mention sometime.....
Sheesh.
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ESTEE
Rant away ... rayzormind. I'm glad you had fun after your folks left and their "fear reaction" did not spoil your evening. JWs are a religion of fear and they don't even recognize it. They also don't know how strangely they appear to outsiders. Darn brainwash ...
It's great that you invited them and that they came ... as weird as they acted. Your sister-in-law sounds like a wonderful new friend!
ESTEE
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frenchbabyface
(((Razor)))They came anyway ... which is already big somehow ... (I guess they really wanted to see you ... and in knowing that the baby is coming they need to get closer as Grand Parent maybe) ...
It's all sad that way ... but who knows ?
Many people here was SO JW before ... just listen to thembest wishes anyway
Take care and announce the baby please !!! and HAPPYBIRTH JOB !!! -
Jesika
Hi razormind,
My father was also a long time elder and my mother used to be the "all obdient" elder's wife as well, so I TOTALLY understand what you are talking about.
I have been out of the "troof" for 12yrs and have learned that unless they want to change........they won't. I know it is hard to explain the dinamics of the religion to those who haven't been through it. It can be very frustrating.....especially when they see hope when we know there probably isn't any. All I can tell you.......from my heart......is be happy with what you have.........the "other" family you have.......and to just accept what is.........I am not saying to give up. I am just saying the only thing you can control is yourself.....noone else. You can accept the fact that your family is going to be distant........it may change later.......it may not......but you can choose to be happy with your life......your baby.....your life. If your JW family wants to be a slight part of that.......it is up to YOU if you want that or not.
The thing with our JW familys is that we feel we are at their wants and needs, and we have to comply with their wishes in order to have a relationship. If you want to do so.......then that is your choice.....but if you don't... then.......don't.
You can be happy and whole with your life and your family......and by family......I mean those you consider family.......friends.......extended family.......your baby's family.......anyone whole you feel is a postitive person in your life.
I had to make my own family for many years.........my situation with my family changed......I have a relationship with my mother and my father now.........but they have changed (they are no longer married and are married to others now)......not cause of anything I have done......but because their lives have changed. So you never know.
But what I do know......is you have to make yourself happy!
We have this conseption of how family is supposed to be.........but as JW's or having family that are JW's.......it isn't the cookie cutter family that is percevied. The family you want you can create in your own family......the one you have started for yourself. So all I can say......is make yourself and those who are willing to be a part of your life the family you have always dreamed of and be happy in your life. The JW family may or may not come around.....but don't waste time trying to make others see them the way they want to see them or even the way you would like them to be. Just be happy!!!!!!! You and yours deserve that!!!!!!!!
Love,
Jes
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William Penwell
I agree with Jesika's comments , the only one you can control is yourself. If they choose to act that way it?s their lose not yours. No reflection on you that is what they did to themselves. Typical Jdubism, conditioned to never have guilt free fun.
Will