funny old life isnt it....

Deacon

I was just looking out the window, as it would happen a middle aged woman, or perhaps a young woman worn out with her life walked past. She stopped on the edge of the mall where my wifes office is, and sat on a bench outside the window. On close look, she couldnt have been more than late 30's, but probably only 35.

She sat for a while just looking at the ground in front of her, her face just exhibiting that blank look of the world weary. After a few minutes, she sighed and looked up, stretching her back against what I presume was an ache. She sat back into the bench and rubbed her neck for a few seconds.

It was interesting. My mind began to think about a post armaggeddon situation, where she would not have the cares or the worries or the pains, where she would have energy and peace and happiness..

Strange isnt. Only this morning I talked to my wife about her feelings regarding the new system, and she said that a long time ago the dwelling on it has ceased, and it never really came to mind now,,,she explained that it seemed too hard to put all the disrupted families togetheragain, the deaths, the remarriages, the divorcing.. the kids...and you know what? for the first time I realised what a hold that concept had on me.

Im newly disfellowshipped, But have to admit that the drifting has been a couple of years in the making.

The realisation I came to is quite a revelation to me. I miss the whole shebang of everlasting life and the nearness of it. I miss the assemblies that we used to have, everyone working together in the kitchens, all the fun we used to have...

I miss the total belief that we had the right way, the correct understanding, a direct link to God....and a formulae for happy lives.

I cried for this loss today. I cried for the dissapointment of all of us, for the change in direction that has to be made in order to keep going. Some, in their enlightenment, have concluded in their heart that their is no God and that the Bible is a book of stories, some have found a new path to god through being born again.....

As for me...I want it back, all the above...

but its too late. My life has been irretrievably damaged by all the hopes and dreams that have been dashed by realities....

I went to the meeting yesterday..any my wife came along for support. It was unfinished business. I believe the reasons for the d/fing were incorrect, and as such....want to be reinstated to decide what to do with my life under my own direction.

Yes to you all, it might seem petty.....

everything that I had has been taken away....but...Im in the driving seat now and will find out WHAT the real reason for this is all about...

She has left now, to get on with her life..moved out from the bench, I wish her well, I wish her peace and I pray she finds what she needs...

funny old life isnt it...

Seeker

I can appreciate your point-of-view, and how an introspective moment can impact our lives. I certainly wish you the best with your life choices and with your attitude toward your choices.

As for me, when I was faced with the thought about giving up everlasting life, what helped me cope was this simple idea: I never had everlasting life to begin with, I only thought I had.

In other words, I didn't lose anything, but gained a clearer picture of my future instead of fantasies from the WTS. It was a gain, not a loss.

Your mileage may vary, of course, but I add this only as an alternate thought to this experience in life we go through as we cope with leaving the WTS behind. All the best for your particular future, regardless of the choice you make.

TMS

Deacon:

"I believe the reasons for the d/fing were incorrect, and as such....want to be reinstated to decide what to do with my life under my own direction."
______________________________________________________________________

Whatever one thinks of all the factors involved in DFing, individuals who courageously, stoically weather the humiliation, scorn, bad vibes, arrogant men and inhumane treatment fostered by this arrangement have my deepest respect for their strength of character. Truly, they have conquered the world.

TMS

LDH

Deacon,

Would you try me on my cell this morning? Or email me I will send you my home number as I am leaving for home shortly.

I know we've had conversations abut this and there is no easy answer, at least not for me.

Today I decided to have an old friend, an attorney, write a letter stating that since I was a minor the baptism wass null and void, and demand the return of any record they have on me.

The thing is, as son as the body of elders gets it, I KNOW those @*$&$^@#^$$# will not keep it to themselves, but will share it with my dad (who stepped aside about three years ago after what I think is burnout). So I am trying to prepare for the backlash.

Am so glad NPY went with you, I don't think I have the strength to ever go sit in a KH again. I didn't go to the memorial for the first time in my life this year, and there was no earthquake. So there's hope.

Love,
Lisa

PS have you been in touch with shauna?

outnfree

Oh, Deacon!

I'm still wrestling with those feelings, too.

Just the other day one of my kids jokingly said to another "you're gonna die!" The other retorted exactly what my non-believing mate has been saying for years, "We're ALL gonna die!"

I looked at her and said, "I used to think I wasn't."
She replied, "But you are."
I said, "I know, but 'millions now living will never die', and all that."
She gently said, "I know."
I replied, "I was a believer!"
She softly said again, "I know."

Hurts, doesn't it?

outnfree

joelbear

Deacon,

We are all on our own path. If you feel the need to be reinstated, you should do it for what ever reasons you have.

LDH,

Please let us know the outcome of your complaint. I have interest in pursueing that tack.

All,

Everyone has to face the fact of dying. I don't necessarily think its worse for those who thought at some point they would not die, but perhaps I am mistaken regarding this. I think most young people think of themselves as immortal. It is not until your body starts telling you that you are not immortal that you have to face facts.

Joel

outnfree

Hey, Joel?

It's not the dying I was disappointed about. ("Time and unforeseen occurrence ...")

It's the beautiful paradise lie: About it being [the true]God's Organization. That the loving brotherhood actually existed. That God would eventually put right any trials we were undergoing in the here and now. That we truly UNDERSTOOD the Bible and KNEW our happy future where others did not. (The oblivion to all the death and destruction and what that really meant to all others) That we were RIGHT with our Creator and thus specially blessed.

You posted a thread not long ago about missing that ideal, I think.
Because we happily believed!

It was so comforting to KNOW we had the right beliefs and would be duly rewarded for our dutiful lives.

I'm not afraid to die, no.

I AM having a hard time with the loss of my pre-Utopia and my certainty about God.

outnfree
(who was halfway to dead at 45 --
and that was almost TWO years ago!!! )

rodnico

When I finally realized that I did not really believe in god I wept. I cried for the same reason Outnfree, I grieved for the god I lost. I wish, I really wish that I could believe there is a god that cares, but I can't and I miss the time when I could believe.
Unlike you I am terrified to die. Panic sweeps my body when I think about dying. All of my life I knew, I knew that I was not going to die. I still haven't grieved for the loss of all my beliefs, but soon I will need to I can feel it.
I never really thought of it this way, but it is a natural progression towards healing.

joelbear

Out,

You are quite right. I did post about missing the ideal. Thanks for reminding me about that.

I definitely miss believing in the ideal.

I have come to the conclusion that:

Perfection is a myth
Justice is a myth

Actually, as I come to grips with these conclusions and begin to see reality, I am less judgmental of others and of myself.

I think possibly have realistic expectations about life can actually help you achieve more.

hugs

Joel

anglise

Hi Deacon

I can echo a lot of your feelings.
Our family gave 18 years to a myth, but we believed it and were happy
to follow initially.
The problem is we gradually became disillusioned and saw the truth for the lie that it really is.
Of course in the meantime many things in our lives had been put on hold waiting for that great tomorrow which we now know will never come.
We are trying very hard not to feel too negative about what we gave up and to find the benefits that we got from the org, yes there are a few.
Now we are living for our own dreams and hopes and not the fallacies from the myth makers.

We have found though you have good days and bad, but the bad ones are becoming fewer.

Dont fight on your own against the org just live without it.
If you try and fight on a personal level it still has a hold on you.

People like Silent Lambs, Lee Elder and Kent et al are fighting on a differant level and are doing a brilliant job.

There is life after the org, its up to you how you make it work.

This is written for me as much as a reply.
Hope it makes sense.

funny old life isnt it....

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