I have this fascination with holocaust stuff, the memorial, movies like Shindlers list, the history channels programs they have. Last night I watched The Pianist. It was an incredible movie. After the movie, Mike and I discussed it. For the first time, I realized that the ideas I have about it are just not good.
I grew up with this idea that the holocaust will most definitely, happen again. I have dreams about it. I have dreams about getting shot in the head. My family getting taken away, or me dying in a gas chamber. Does anyone else normal have these nightmares? Probably not. The thing is, is having grown up a Jehovahs Witness, we were taught that "The Great Tribulation" will come...soon....maybe tomorrow, maybe next year. What the Great Tribulation is, is when the all the governments turn on religion, namely, Jehovahs Witnesses. I was taught that it will be a lot like the holocaust, just as Jehovahs Witnesses and mainly Jews were put in concentration camps, executed or tortured, the same thing WILL happen to me and my family. "Concentration camp" was in my vocabulary when I was in kindergarten. I knew 100% that there will be another Holocaust and I will get tortured. Watching those movies gives me not only a historical perspective but it is a sign of things to come.
Ok, so now that I am out of the religion? Well, I know logically, that there is no Holocaust coming. I know this. But deep down I have a fear I can not get rid of. Why do I continue to have nightmares? Why do I get chocked up thinking about it? Why am I paranoid still of the government?
What kind of people teach their children of impending torture and death? This is truly fucked up.
Does anyone else understand what I am talking about?
I posted this in my livejournal too, to get an outside perspective. This really bothers me sometimes.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/laceyjess
constant fear I can not get rid of
by jwbot 21 Replies latest watchtower medical
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jwbot
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Satanus
Yes, it's amazing how much the holocaust is intertwined in movies, subliminally to most people. Just watching 'xmen', there it was. Did you catch it. Likely not. That part was so dark, that it immediately sunk into your subconscious. Also, there is a flood of documentaries on this subject. Other holocausts are as if nonexistent.
SS
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FlyingHighNow
Dear JW Bot,
There is a solution that you can try. I'll add it after I empathize with you for a few moments. So please press on and read:
I can empathize with you because in one form or another I have had different kinds of fears and anxieties since early childhood. I had nightmares of tornadoes which began when I was five or six after going through hurricane Hilda. I had those nightmares until I was in my late teens. They terrified me and I was convinced one day I would die in a tornado.
I was not raised a JW. I went to the Episcopal Church. I didn't ever believe the idea of going to heaven. It was just something that was not logical to me. I feared instead that I would die and be very dead but very conscious that I was dead. I feared I would be caught, aware and helpless, inside my coffin in my grave.
I feared the Russians were going to bomb us with nuclear weapons and I fell asleep worrying about it every single night.
When I was ten, a house down my street burned in the middle of the night. We watched from our yard. A girl from my class who was spending the night there, she also lived across the street from the house, was trapped inside. Her mother screamed so loud for her little girl that you could hear her clear across our small village. I went to Ann's funeral because she was also in my girl scout troup. I had terrible nightmares every night about our house burning down. I would see our burned house and dead burnt bodies everywhere. I was terrified because my bedroom was next to the kitchen and afterall that was where most house fires started. I didn't stop having those nightmares until they tore that house down and built another. We used to pass it everyday on the way to school and sometimes climb up and look through the window at the white spot on the carpet where her body lay.
After I became a JW most of those fears and nightmares stopped. However, once I had children I had a new one to replace them. I feared losing my children to death or to persecution. This fear often caused nightmares and lost sleep and terrible anxiety about the kids even leaving my sight.
When I was pregnant with my son, my friend asked for my daughter to spend the night with her. She was four at the time. I could see her bedroom door from my bed and I lay there agonizing: this is what it would be like if she were dead.
Then is when I decided I couldn't take this irrational fear anymore. So I prayed: HARD, something I was rarely able to do even as a JW. I asked for some wisdom and some relief and a solution. Now, I don't believe in the WT Jehovah, but someone out there had pity on me and the answer came to me. I think it will help you, too if you will really ponder it and customize it to fit your fears. It is this:
Heather, you can worry that your kids might die, everyday and night, and they still might live to be elderly. Then your worrying was for nothing and you wasted a lot of time being in unecessary pain. You can worry, every single day and night, and one of your kids or both of your kids still does die. Your worrying did not prevent their deaths: so, you wasted all that time worrying and in pain for nothing. Sooooooooo...take the necessary, reasonable safety precautions any good, balanced parent would take and STOP worrying. Worrying has no power over the inevitable, whether the inevitable be good or bad.
It was so simple yet it was so effective. It worked. I try to apply this to anything I am worried about and most of the time it does help.
We saw The Pianist last year when it was re released after being Oscar nominated. We enjoyed it very much.
Please think about what I said because I think it can help anyone if they apply the same principles to their situations. Also, when you are gripped by fear tell yourself: This too shall pass. This fear shall pass.
You ever need a shoulder from someone who understands? I've got two, okay?
Big warm hugs! As many as you need. I give good ones, just ask my kids and grandkids.
Love, Heather
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jwbot
SaintSatan: It is true, not exactly sure you got the point of my post there. I am not complaining about the theme of the holocaust being put into movies, in fact, I really felt that it was imperitive to the X-Men story. Anyway, I really like it, and I think it is always important that we know and remember it. I guess what I was saying was that it is so weird the fear of it that young JW's have about it, that at a young age we are to expect that our lives will end in some form or torture.
Heather: You had a lot of good things to say, and our experiences are similar in that reguard. I know exactly what you mean about worrying. There are so many things to worry about, but if we let them affect us, we would not even be able to leave the house.
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BluesBrother
I can see the J W upbringing that many of us had, has got a lot to answer for in this regard. how many other kids are brought up on pictures of armageddon? Not as a fantasy or fiction but as a certain reality that we would have to face.
How many kids are trained to expect persecution? ie, prison and torture as a certain reality at sometime in their life.
The images of such things need not be detailed because we all know them. Thinking back, it is a wonder that we grew up to be the nice balanced people that we are
I am not qualified to offer counsel, only fellow feeling and empathy. Perhaps placing the blame where it belongs will help to see things in perspective
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FlyingHighNow
There are so many things to worry about, but if we let them affect us, we would not even be able to leave the house.
This is true, Lacey. I worry much less since I realized the concept that worry cannot save us from things. I still am the type of person who is given to excessive anxiety but I worry about significantly fewer things these days. I save my worry for real threats such as when my grandson's inept and dangerous father lodged a custody suit against my daughter. I went for counseling that time. The counselor told me to do find things I could do to help my daughter each day. She used to the catch phrase proactive: be proactive.
About your nightmares. I just remembered something. I told a brother, at his health food shop and vitamin store, that I was having nightmares. He told me that when you are low on B-complex vitamins that you will have nightmares. I bought a strong B-complex supplement and took it for a few days and the dreams DID calm down. Sometimes when I stop taking B-complex for a while, I do indeed get the nightmare or anxiety type dreams again. You might go buy a B-50 or even B-100 complex supplement and take one everyday with a meal. And please let me know if it helps you at all. It usually starts to get better after 3 days to a week but it might be different for you.
Love,
Heather
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Robdar
JWBot,
I have the nightmares too. I have been out of the org for almost 20 years. When I was younger I became a bit of a dare devil and pushed myself to the limits to over come many of my physical fears. However, I have had trouble ridding myself of my anxiety and fear of Armageddon.
One thing that has been helping me though, is meditation. Not too long ago, during meditation, I became aware of places in my body that I carry my fears/anxieties. I found it in my neck, chest, belly. What I am now doing is paying attention to when my body is showing tightness in these areas and immediately telling myself to relax. I also try to replace the tightness with love. I imagine love flowing into those areas and they relax. This has improved my outlook considerably. It has also increased my happiness and joy in living.
I feel for you and what you are going through. I would recommend therapy but it never helped me. It may work for you though. Let us know how you progress. I hope you do better soon.
Much love to you.
Robyn
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Gretchen956
You aren't alone in having these types of nightmares. I believe dreams are our subconscious' way of telling us that we still have baggage to process. Many people have found help in therapy. You really can talk about this and come to a resolution. There is no shame or dishonor in therapy, that is a WT myth. Please consider it. If you live with a fear this long, then your body is asking you to deal with it. This group is wonderful for that purpose, rather like group therapy. But none of us (that I am aware of) are trained in the field. There are some therapists that are ex-jw's, I know of one, but probably not in your area.
I hope you don't take what I'm writing the wrong way, I know it's a sensitive issue with many, I am NOT saying you are crazy.
Gretchen
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Stacy Smith
Hi Jess,
I'm sorry you and others have to deal with these nightmares. I guess I'm a lucky kid. I hate nightmares about going to meetings when I was a kid but they're over now. I never believed the tribulation stuff.
Now anything about the holocost is upsetting to me. It's hard to imagine people can be so cruel.
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jgnat
I don't think JW's are unique in holding this irrational fear. Lots of ordinary people carry these fears - me included. Stephen King wrote his fears down and made a living out of it. My fears ended with a single dream. I wrote it down here.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/38029/1.ashx
My experience was very similar to FlyingHighNow. After intense prayer, God cured me with a "baptism of fire" sort of event. I went THROUGH the fear to the other side. Death and destruction no longer hold me in their grip.