Were you happy as a witness? (page 3)

seattleniceguy

I once asked my dad if he was happy in the very small community I was born in. He said something that caused me to think for some time afterward: "I thought I was happy at the time."

I was raised a Witness. I did it whole-souled, and I had friends that I thought I connected with. I thought I was doing my best, and I enjoyed being used in the congregation. I felt productive by using my foreign language skills to establish a Japanese language group. I was happy, but only because I didn't have any way of knowing what happiness could entail for other people.

It was only after I got out that I realized the that so many things that were simply an accepted part of my worldscape were actually unnecessary. Things like the nagging feeling that I was ignoring valid evidence, the difficulty in accepting the idea that I was right and the whole world was wrong, the very real fact that I was very concerned with acting in a way that others deemed appropriate - these things had been present for so long that their existence didn't register - at least not as something I could change. It was rather like the way you deal with gravity - you accept it at such a core level that it scarcely ever enters your consciousness. You certainly never wonder whether you might be able to buck it.

So when these negative things were lifted from me, it was as though the law of gravity had been repealed. I watched in disbelief as freedoms and truths I had never even dreamed of materialized before me. I was happy as a Witness, but I am one thousand times happier now. And if I were to revert to being a Witness, I would not - could not - be happy for knowledge of what happiness can entail.

Would that there is yet some higher plane of happiness which, when once discovered, renders even my current joy as mere pathetic drivel!

SNG

shamus

Um... let me think... no.

RAYZORBLADE

I really and truly wanted to be happy.

Honestly, I simply felt that my unhappiness, back then as a believer and dedicated follower, that perhaps my sadness was due to not doing enough. Or that I simply wasn't blessed; lost favour from Jehovah.

Factor in my own personal struggles, still trying to do the right thing: study, go out in service, meetings, assemblies, good association and prayer.

I would say I was happy. But honestly (ironically now, I can say this) I was not happy.

I tried, oh how I tried.....

Sassy

you know it is funny but I thought at times I was happy but I recently wrote an old friend who wasn't a witness, letter her know that I had left being one and she wrote me back and said GOOD FOR YOU! you were never happy as one! I was surprised at how she had looked at my feelings while being one. I had no idea.

shera

Nope,I was depressed.

Lol Elsewhere.

fraidycat9

Had to be. They told me I was.

maxwell

Yes I was happy. My opinion is that happiness up to the person. I like being so I choose to be happy. I think it helps if you have some interesting, challenging and worthwhile to work on and if you get to relax occasionally. I had all those things when I was a JW. Of course, one of the things I worked at, the preaching work, wasn't really worth anything, but as I grew up with that worldview, I didn't know it was for the most part worthless work. As I started going through the changes there were a lot of volatile feelings. Actually, I'm probably still feeling the effects of coming to a realization that I spent all my life looking at life in a veiled manner. But I still have some interesting things to work on now and that keeps me happy.

Mulan

I would have to say that most of the time I was happy. I was only not happy when my husband starting learning the real truth. That caused terrible unhappiness in our home and marriage. Only when I began to see what he had seen for a few years, was I able to begin to get the happiness back again.

Lady Lee

Hard to answer - probably in that honeymoon stage that someone else mentioned. I had such an intense need to be accepted that I bent over backwards to try to do the right thing. But I doubt that doing that would have changed and made me happy even if the JWs were the right religion. I felt so damaged by the earlier abuse and neglect.

I recall having conversations with my mother about neither of us feeling connected to God. And of course we both blamed that on ourselves because it couldn't possibly be the WTS - right?

But my need to be accepted pushed me to do many things that I would not have done otherwise - like get baptized and get married.

I did feel incredible joy when my girls were born. But through the years the bending over backwards got me to being very suicidal. Over-all it was a very destructive experience and made my already existant problems much worse

orangefatcat

I was sometimes happy and other times I felt like a dead fish. I really tried to be happy and I was to some extent. I think it was probably because I had wonderful friends. They were good to me and I was to them also. I think when I started with my ex husband at my side I was dissillusioned early. He was a real piece of work. He was a sneaky rat and that is the only nice thing I can say about him. Well except when our son was born and even then that is another story all together.

I really believed it was true, and then I istarted to notice I had no zeal anymore for service or meetings. It started slowly. In my heart of heart I knew it was perhaps superficial. Mind you I was blessed many times and yet I am not sure if that had anything to do with the organization. I know now that it didn't.

I today have a deep love for God and Jesus but it is the inner feelings I have. I don't think I have to go door to door or meetings to let God know that I love him. And the love I have of God and Jesus is genuine in my heart. As a little girl I was blessed with a wonderful grandma and she use to take me to church. She taught me to pray, she use to spend time with me talking about the life of Jesus, she was in no way a JW, she was Anglican, Church of England.

My life as a JW was literally thrust upon me as I was 12/13 yrs old when the witnesses became part of our lives. My father a reformed alcholic took the truth from his parents who were JWs. As a young man he despised the witnesses and made jest of his parents religion. And yet that is what he chose to do with his live now to be like his parents as he always felt his parents were so happy and peaceful as JWs.

He took me from my loving enviroment with my dear grandma and said it was not Grandma's way it was now going to be daddy choice of being a witness. I felt that when it was told to me that we would no longer celebrate any and all holidays I was hurt and cried because I loved being with my grandma and loved her and her ways. Dad said to us that when we get older and we don't want to continue as a witness we could change to what ever we wanted. But that was only a statement on his part. He would not in any way allow us to have the freedom to choose what faith we wanted to be or practise. So what chance did I have. I had to conform. Hind sight tells me I should have stuck with grandma I know I would have always been happy as she was a magnificent person. We did alot together. I was with grandma more then most kids because my mom got pregnant with me when she was 15 and at sixteen I was born. If grandma had not been close by who knows what could have happened to me. Mom me and dad then 2yrs later my sister came along and still my mother had not grown up as she should have, she was only a child herself. Grandma was the stability of my life. I love her and miss her too as she passed away in 1992.

I was always happy with her and going to church with her and at her house in my bedroom, I had over my bed 2 beautiful pictures of Christ and when I would close my eyes at night it was as if I were looking into his peaceful eyes and Jesus and he was helping me to rest peacfully,

In my early yrs at home as a JW my father and mother always fought, constantly. And I wondered if this is what is suppose to be so I thought relgion and love of Christ would make our home calm as was Grandma"s. But that was not the case. It sure was not a happy home. I had a very unhappy existance at home. MY neurotic mother and overbearing father. What a mix.

I guess being a witness was something that I just slowly excepted and went on day after day in that fashion. I knew I could never change and be back with grandma.

I finally went to live in montreal with my sixteen yr old sister and that was hell, as when ever I did anything she didn't like she would call mommy and daddy or call her favourite two hypocrite friends in the org. I was alway feeling like I lived in a vice and the tightness was getting greater.

All in all I did what I had to do to be a good third generation witness. But that is not how I felt and so things became a drudgery. I hated being a witness by this time and yet I continued to be one for 38yr until I found the courage and guts to quit it all, lock stock and barrel. I know I am happy today because I made it happen.

And just to add a little note here. My new husband of 3yrs bought me a cruisifix and that made me happy, as it is very beautiful and everyone tells me they have never seen a beautiful cross like that before. Anyway Marco is not a religious person, he was born in Greece and is Greek Orthodox. But he never practises it any more since being a young man. Well yesterday I was sound asleep and my son had been over most of the day working on my computer. After supper Marco drove Richard home and I was in the bedroom when he got back home. He called to me and asked me to join him in a drink and so we did that. And he said to me I bought you something today. I said yes you did give me something already today. No No he said its something else. So I am looking all around the living room and I didn't see anything. And then he said turn all the way around on your chair and look at t he wall, and so I did and lo and behold there on the wall was a magnificent Crusifix, I couldn't believe it. Knowing that Marco is not spiritual in any way, it came as an utter amazement. He said to me, you know as soon as I saw this I felt I was compeled to have it for us. It belongs with us. My heart was so overcome and overwhelmed that I don't know exactly how to put it in words.

And so now I have these gorgeous things in my life, Marco me and our Lord! Oh how I love not being a JW. Since my departure God and Christ have been good to me and my inner peace is so restful and calm, just like the days when I was in my grandma's life.

All my love Orangefatcat.

terry

Were you happy as a witness?

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