Is your marriage healthier now that you're out?

Billygoat

I already know how some of you will answer. I realize that some dear friends here have lost their spouse due to their JW "awakening", but for those of you where BOTH of you are now out, do you feel you are a better husband or wife because of the experience? Even if your spouse is still IN, do you feel you are a better husband/wife? Please be specific as to your answer.

This is open for discussion for anyone, not just those married. Has your exit precipitated better relationships all around in your life? Friends, parents, coworkers? Why? How?

Thanks for sharing!

Andi

Stacy Smith

Well Andi as you know I'm about to be married so no changes there. Michael has been very curious as to how witness things work but it's something I dont' really discuss much with him.

I don't think my parents changed much mostly because my dad wasn't anal about headship stuff. He tried to make a go of it with family studies but again, he wasn't anal. Once I became a teen I sort of became a pain in their sides with my slanted answers and questions.

My parents recently hooked up with a dub couple who recently DAed themselves. I was over the house a couple of weeks ago while they were visiting. She claimed that the damage to their relationship was the main reason they left. She felt that outside influences caused a lot of damage. . Others always telling her husband that he needed to "get control of his wife".

They joked with my boyfriend about how it would be better if he got baptised and drug me back in there with him so he could demand I render him his due whenever he wanted.

As if I've ever said no

xenawarrior

I don't have anything to add to this thread but I just wanted to say HI ANDI !! Happy New Year !!

XW

JeffT

YES!

Debbie and I left together in 1989, at that point we'd been married about 15 years, all of it as dubs. There have been some ups and downs, including a financial crisis that might have destroyed a less committed relationship. But here we are pushing thirty years together, and most of the time we still like each other.

And not just each other. Over the years our relationships with both sets of parents (never dubs) has improved remarkably.

FlyingHighNow

My 20 year marriage to a JW was mostly miserable because of his aniquated view of women and headship. Thank goodness he divorced me.

I am in a much better relationship now. We get along very well. A lot of people envy us and for good reason. When you truly love and respect each other, who is boss will never be an issue.

I can't believe I ever fell for that headship junk. I was only 17 when I studied though. As I got older I realized there is nothing commendable or respectable about the way most JW men treat women. It's just the same old man's domination of woman that's been around for thousands of years. It's the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing. They present headship as a thing that will make couples happier. It doesn't even make the men happy. How can you be happy when you are treating your wife like a child? How can you be happier when you compare your wife to the capable wife of proverbs or the wives in the WT lessons that deal with women and their roles?

Again: I am much happier now and I am a much better partner.

Heather

LittleToe

<== Feeling morose

My wife is still in, and it's chronic. It's been downhill all the way.

Nigh on every other relationship has improved, however.

Xena

After we left the dubs we eventually realized it was what was holding us together. We are two very different people with different goals and dreams. We still care about each other, but we aren't good together and leaving the dubs allowed us to stay friends while going our seperate ways. lol so in a way you might say yes our marriage IS healthier now

stillajwexelder

My wife is a diehard Dub -- I am on the slow fade (though I did go on the ministry yesterday -- magazine work only) -- but I am staying a witness for her only -- wrong reason I know -- but I would say marriage has got worse and worse since I started to fade -- in fact I am barely married and very rarely have sex -- so no -- not made it healthier -- I should totally leave her once and for all really.

Special K

Hi Billygoat .. nice to see ya..

Yes, .. my husband and I have a lot better relationship since we left the J.W.'s.. a decade ago..

We have been free to explore areas the J.W.s.. forbid.. much to our delight..

We have gone through some tremendous upheavals within our little family that some couples never have to cope with .. EVER...We have lived with reality, and not that "pie in the sky belief".. .

We have learned to be responsible for our own actions instead of blaming "Satan" for every little crinkle in the road..

We have allowed ourselves to take responsiblitly for happy things and success in our lives.. without always attributing it to "jehovah".

and we learned not to be so demanding of each other... and seek out the common goals and let each other enjoy the other individual goals we have...

We love, we laugh, we share, we argue, we cry together, we differ........but we do it ALL together..without the pressure of living in a religion that puts all kinds of other unreasonable demands on us. Our children are thriving..they have good ground to grow in.

We have our ups and we have our downs.. but we are still committed to each other and the vows we took...

We are a better couple..

sincerely

Special K

Mulan

Yes. Definitely.

I've already posted before how Dave learned the real truth years before I did, and that caused terrible problems for us, so I can commiserate with those who don't leave together. Only after I began to research and found he was right about everything, were we able to heal. Now after 7 years, things are wonderful, better than ever. I have freedom I never had as a JW, elder's wife. He likes it too.

Is your marriage healthier now that you're out?

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