How to tell my JW mum that I'm Pagan

by Sirona 27 Replies latest social relationships

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  Sirona

  Gretchen

  Sirona, oh my... is being a lesbian worse? I have had to come out of both closets.

  Aw - I think I'd have gone crazy with "two" things to come out about! LOL. I'm with a guy so I guess I don't have to touch the issue of sexuality!

  I suppose you understand then why I feel I need to say something to her. Its not going to be easy hiding it in future and honestly I don't feel "right" hiding something like this from her.

  I dont think she will shun me. She hasn't so far, through thick and thin. You are right, I should maybe just call it "earth based spirituality" and give some of the nice details about it - things that won't make her crazy. She is direct though....she's likely to ask me for specifics. Thanks for the pointers....

  Sirona
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  LittleToe

  Why tell her at all?
  

  If she asks questions (like about the candlesticks) answer frankly, and let her draw her own conclusions.
  If she wants to think the worst, she will do, if she wants to think the best of you (probably in a JW setting) she will do.
  Anything else will shatter her illusions of you, rather than of the borg (while it hurt none, do what thou will).

  Just my 2p - I don't know your mum, so I could be barking up the wrong tree.
  Whatever you decide, my prayers are with you
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  acsot

  I have an earth-based spirituality. If that brings up a further question I might say that I have a deep reverence for the earth and for nature, that my spirituality derives from that. That usually placates some people, and it could lead into discussions with your mom too which ease into the subject

  That's what I would say, except that I'm not Wiccan. But after reading your last post on it, Sirona, I'm almost ready to have a bible Wicca study . When I meditate I invoke Mother Earth and Father Universe, the duality resonates more with me than a stern patriarchal god.
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  Elsewhere

  Now she is bugging me to go back to the "fold" of the JWs

  Just laugh and say: "Mom, I'm trying to go forward, not backwards!"
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  Sunnygal41

  Sirona, while I appreciate that you don't want to give your mum a heart attack, I do believe that honesty with ourselves is the most important step we take in becoming emotionally healthy and autonomous people. Honesty with ourselves requires that we be honest with others about our true feelings and beliefs, etc. Obviously, you are on your own, and have your own life. Moms need to acknowledge that their babies have grown and flown the nest and are responsible for their own decisions in life. So, I have set my mom down, and told my mom something like this: "mom, you know that I'm a grown woman, and I'm on my own, supporting myself and doing very well. You know that I've left the JW's and I have found something that makes ME (strong emphasis on that) very comfortable. I know that you will not agree with my choice, but I do hope you will accord me the respect and the right to choose my own path, now that I am a woman." Then tell her. Let her freak or whatever. If you see she is calming down, then you can try to allay her fears about your choice. If she isn't then just say that you are sorry this upsets her, but, you are very happy with your choice, and that you love her very much. Hopefully, if she leaves upset, she will then go home and think thru what you said and come to acknowledge your right to have your own belief system. It may take awhile, but, as time goes on and she sees that her daughter doesn't exhibit demonistic tendencies or freaky things aren't happening and she is happy, then she will calm down. I had to do something similar with my mom, when I started reading native american literature and began practicing their belief system..........I also began collecting tarot cards and I guess I'm very blessed that my mom has the ability to step back from her JW beliefs, even tho she does still worry at times................hope this helps................you just need to give yourself permission to be a person in your own right, not a drone or attached to mom's apron strings of thinking, etc. for the rest of your life.

  Terri
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  LittleToe

  Just another thing that ran through my mind:

  Beware of triggerwords like "pagan", "witch", etc. You know how we all used to feel about deemenz!!!
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  Gadget

  I mmight have a similar thing this weekend, I'm going away with my MS dad and I think he might notice the athame and pentacle around my neck......

  Instead of coming straight out with saying that I'm a witch, I prefer to talk about what I believe, the divine power within, how objects around us can effect us(Like herbs used to make drugs), and how I let that effect my life according to the wiccan rede, threefold law and golden rule. I think Little Toe has a very good point though, why do you feel the need to tell your mum?

  A good place to look for more info on this is on the forum at www.witchcraft.org

  BB
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  Sassy

  If I told my mom something like that she would flip.. have a breakdown..

  she might even push harder to get me to realize I need to "come back".. since she has had 'many excellent experiences' talking to proclaimed witches in FS. Now she would think it was more urgent than ever to get me back before Satan really had a hold on me..

  if it was me, I wouldn't tell her. I haven't even told her I am living with my boyfriend yet.. I can't imagine telling her that.
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  Sentinel

  Okay. First invite your mom over when "Charmed" is showing. (Turn the TV on and sit down. Have some dinner for her or a snack or something.) She will probably not know what Charmed is all about.

  Whatever you do , do not turn it off and don't allow her to turn it off. If she suddenly begins wailing and saying it is demonic in content. Just tell her that it isn't and that if there were a "fourth sister witch", you would be it.

  She may stumble around a bit trying to figure it all out, but I think she will get the picture. Of course she will get the wrong idea of what Pagan is because of all the negative influence in the bible, and other religions. The occult and Paganism is truly much different than paying homage to demons. (I'm certain there are folks who do that--but, am I right in understanding that you do not worship demons??)

  Be prepared for an exorcism. (just kidding)

  /<
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  Mysterious

  joannadandy..I think you got that backwards lol. I told her I'm a lesbian but I definitely won't tell her I'm a Pagan. Which explains why mom thinks I still believe all the jw crap...

  I agree with what mpatrick said, emphasize some of your beliefs and values without detailing exactly what they go along with. I know I've done that in the past with people and had it work nicely. They agree with your points and it's disarming. They don't necessarily have to know what, they will ask in time when they are more accepting. You may perhaps want to refer to yourself as a Wiccan rather than a witch, I think you will get a bit less of a stereotypical fear response, not much but a bit.

  "Your mom will NEVER be cool with you being a pagan as long as she is a witness. That is the ULTIMATE bugaboo to the witnesses. The very word pagan is an expletive to them."

  And used far to often to refer to far too much. I swear no one loves to use the word more than the dubs themselves. Greatest fears I suppose.

  "I'm completely ignorant about it, and find myself dumbfounded at the thought that you, like so many others, change one form of slavery for another. Once I exit the JWs, that'll be it for me belonging to any other form of religious organizations."

  That is one of the appealing aspects of Paganism to me, it is such a contrast from the "slavery" of some organized religions like the JWs. There is often no right or wrong way to do things, it's about what feels right to you on a deeper level. There is no "police" squad telling yout he right and the wrong way to be a Pagan, there is no right or wrong way. Many Pagans are solitary in fact, they do not belong to any form of religious organization but choose to express their believes individually. It's a very welcome contrast from the judging attitude and legalism prevalent in the witnesses.