How to tell my JW mum that I'm Pagan

by Sirona 27 Replies latest social relationships

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  Sirona

  Sunnygal

  Thanks for the encouragement - I do agree that sometimes we just need to be honest to those we love. I don't see any need to tell people I don't care about, but those I do....well it feels deceptive not to somehow because its such a big part of my life. I love native american stuff, I'm fairly shamanistic in my views and I like the subject of totem animals etc.

  LT - yes, it makes sense to avoid the words that will shock her.... Witch just has too many bad things associated with it and that is why sometimes I avoid it myself.

  Gadget - my mum has already noticed my pentacle but hasn't really commented. My bro asked me if it was a star of David to which I replied, no, this has 5 points, not 6.... Good luck with your dad!

  Sentinel - re "Charmed"

  Whatever you do , do not turn it off and don't allow her to turn it off. If she suddenly begins wailing and saying it is demonic in content. Just tell her that it isn't and that if there were a "fourth sister witch", you would be it.

  Charmed is a far cry from what I do, I just thought I'd point out. Whilst its cool in the same way that Buffy is cool, the Charmed girls are not practising witchcraft, they're reading out some words and "poof" it all happens. Unfortunately people think that we believe that baloney. Hence, I would not be the fourth sister witch....although I *could* see myself in the sexy outfits they're wearing in the new series! LOL

  (I'm certain there are folks who do that--but, am I right in understanding that you do not worship demons??)

  Oh, please. Please please.. I know not everyone knows about different pagan paths. Satanists exist but even most of them do not "worship demons". For a starter, "demons" in the biblical sense don't exist IMO, and neither does "Satan". We don't believe the bible and we don't recite it backwards . Wicca is entirely separate from Christianity. So no, I do not worship demons. On the main page of this site www.religioustolerance.org you will find a link to Wicca which gives some accurate information.

  Mysterious

  I agree with what mpatrick said, emphasize some of your beliefs and values without detailing exactly what they go along with. I know I've done that in the past with people and had it work nicely

  That seems the way to go. I think maybe just working it into a conversation might be best rather than making it a big deal with "mum I have something to tell you"...

  Sirona
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  Billygoat

  Hi Sirona!

  I suppose you understand then why I feel I need to say something to her. Its not going to be easy hiding it in future and honestly I don't feel "right" hiding something like this from her.

  This is just my opinion...so take what you want and leave the rest. I've struggled with the same thing with my JW parents. What to tell? What not to tell? I came to the conclusion that even though I WANTED to share that part of my life with them, that sharing it would do more damage to THEM (not just our relationship) than I wanted to make. I realize that YOU want to share your new lifestyle with her, but try to look down the road one year after you tell her. Is she going to be happy knowing this about you? Or can you continue a relationship with her, without her knowing? I'm not saying your idea is not a good one. Just look at EVERYTHING you possibly can before you make the choice to talk. You could be cutting a cord and not realizing it until too late! I say this because I have seen my parents twice in 13 years. The strained relationship is even more strained because of me voicing my newfound beliefs in Christianity.

  I dont think she will shun me. She hasn't so far, through thick and thin. You are right, I should maybe just call it "earth based spirituality" and give some of the nice details about it - things that won't make her crazy. She is direct though....she's likely to ask me for specifics.

  Be careful! But I'll wish you blessings!

  Andi
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  Sunnygal41

  Sirona, you are very welcome! I think I know how you feel..........it would be nice to be able to share that part of yourself with your mom, and why not, because this is something that gives you joy and connection with the Divine! That's how I feel. I do alot of reading and research about many paths of spirituality. I think that paganism is much like the native americans beliefs in that they both believe in spirits and energies of the natural world, they both have "helper" animals, and attribute personality and life to supposedly inanimate objects like trees, rocks, water, etc........they both use plants and herbs in their ceremonies..........I think the term "animism" applies to both the belief systems. I, too, am very interested in shamanism. A girlfriend of mine took my picture to work with her one time and showed it to her friend who is a Wiccan Master (?) and he told her that he saw 3 Spirit Guides standing behind my left shoulder..........hmmmm, that was quite interesting! I don't know what he meant by that at all, but, I do believe in Spirit Guides...........anyways, I think you'd feel better, telling mom, even if she doesn't understand right away, at least you will have taken your stand and empowered your belief and validated it out loud.

  Hugs,

  Terri
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  Sentinel

  Hi Sirona,

  I stand corrected on the type of Pagan belief system you enjoy. I was under the assumption that "Pagan" included all of these areas of witches, warlocks, spells, incantations, and demons, etc.(The good and the bad of anything opposite the mainstay religions of Christians, Jews, Budhism, etc.)

  Wicca is separate, I know; and of course TV is fantasy and not reality, so my comparison obviously not meant to put any other label on your practice. I was just trying to put some levity into your situation with your mom, and I'm so sorry if I offended you in any way.

  (I still think of "Charmed" as being a show about that sort of thing, as only TV can put a show like this to the public--a bit higher level than the Genie in a bottle, or Darren's Samantha. )

  Wicca uses the natural elements available and plants, herbs, oils, etc. in healing and health; as you said, similar to the practices of the American Indian. (Medicine Man)

  /<
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  BluesBrother

  Thanks for raising this point. I have had a fascinating read of the site that you linked us to. It has taught me a lot that I never knew about Wicca and it all seems much more "Harmless" and positive than I would have thought.

  Perhaps if these positive points were brought out first, your mum may not freak out at the name "Pagan" , which , as someone said is an offensive term to a JW. Whatever you say, she will not be pleased but...................
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  Gretchen956

  This is such an excellent thread, Sirona. I know its helping you to work through what you are feeling about your need to disclose this to your mom, but I think it is also helping others to learn a little more about a mostly misunderstood religion.

  Yes, pagan is a broad term that encompasses a lot of "alternative" religions. But Christians tend to use it to lump together anyone that does not worship Jesus. That is totally false. As someone said, there are MANY paths. Here is some information from a website I particularly like that might help those of you that don't understand the religion:

  Pagans:Paganism is not a single religion, but an umbrella term for all those religions other than the Abrahamic faiths of Christianity, Judaism and Islam. A Pagan is a person who follows one of those "other" faiths. Many Witches, Wiccans, Reconstructionists, and other Neo-Pagans simply identify themselves as "Pagan" or "Neo-pagans" when talking with others who may not be familiar with the complexity of the different belief systems. This can make it sound like "Paganism" is a religion instead of a collection of religions. Neo-paganism should also not be confused with the "New Age" movement, as Pagans are almost exclusively involved in distinctive religions while New Age spirituality draws from many sources and esoteric spiritual techniques which are generally added as an extra layer on top of whatever religion one normally follows.
  
  Note: The word 'Pagan" itself comes from the Latin paganu(m), for "someone who is not from the city, rather from the country." In Late Latin, this turned into pagensis, "one who is from the country," and this ultimately became the French pays and the Spanish Pa's, both meaning "nation."-(From Etymologically Speaking at www.westegg.com/etymology/)
  
  Witchcraft and Witches:
  A practitioner of a nature-based/revering or folk belief system, art or religion. Not all Witches follow the same belief system. Some practice what is called the "Old Religion" which has its roots in Pagan pre-monotheistic folkways and beliefs and which usually follows the agricultural seasonal cycles. Many Witches believe in a polytheistic deity structure usually based upon the local gods and goddesses of the area of origin. Witches may practice alone as 'solitaries" or in covens. There are also family groups or traditions that trace their practices and beliefs within the same close group throughout several generations. Some Witches consider Witchcraft to be a religion while others simply practice witchcraft as a magical art.
  
  Traditional Wicca:
  A modern religion of Witchcraft is called "Wicca." Traditional Wicca is based on the teachings of Gerald Gardner, is coven (group) based and each coven can trace its lineage (line of teaching passed on by initiated Traditional priests and priestesses) back to Gardner himself. There are offshoots of Gardnerian Traditional Wicca such as Alexandrian Wicca, Georgian Wicca and many others. Traditional Wicca is considered a 'mystery' religion, one that requires initiation by the coven and has a "degree system" or different levels of rank based upon coven training and the readiness of the initiate to accept the duties and responsibilities of that degree. Traditional Wiccan covens have a core of inner knowledge-often called the "Book of Shadows"-which is shared only with initiated Wiccans. Most Traditional Wiccans believe in the balance of male-female divinity. Traditional Wiccans are seldom solitary except for those 'Elders'-usually former priests and priestesses-who may have retired from active coven involvement, have taken a voluntary sabbatical or do not have access to a Traditional coven in their area.

  Other Forms of Wicca:A newer form of Wicca has developed since the 1970's that is looser in structure and practice than Traditional Wicca. These practitioners may follow a mixture of various or 'eclectic' Pagan and/or non-pagan beliefs. Some have formed 'traditions' or covens of their own, with or without a degree system, and have written a "book of shadows" outlining their own belief system and coven structure. Many are 'solitaries' who practice their beliefs and formulate their personal rituals in their own way.
  
  Sirona, here is an essay about coming out of the broom closet, not written by someone with a JW mother perspective, but might contain something you can use.

  http://www.witchvox.com/words/words_2004/e_outbcloset.html
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  stillajwexelder

  sirona --you sound a real cool person and I would love to meet up with you someday when I am next in GB
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  Mr Ben

  Well Sirona,

  If you?re gonna go for it, why not try the old ?make it sound worse than it really is? routine, so there?s an easy landing for her?

  ?Mum, there is something I have to tell you that I have been wanting to tell you for a long time, and? there?s really no easy way to say it? perhaps you?d better sit down. You might get upset but I truly need to be honest with you because I love you.?

  She should be shittin? herself at what?s coming next? are you a bank robber? An axe murderer?

  ?Well, here it is? I?ve come to the conclusion that I should be tolerant of other people who do no harm to me or others, and that I should be the same towards other myself. I feel this natural kind of spirituality brings me into a closer relationship with the God that fills the air & earth & all the mighty Universe. How do you feel about that??

  Depending on the answer, you?ll know how much more to say? or not.

  Or try a little humour. ?Mum, I have become a Pagan, but don?t worry! I have spoken to God and She?s fine about it!? Perhaps not.

  Best wishes, I hope you are better now, as I haven?t spoke to you here for a couple of years at least

  Ben.