She will be able to talk to you, but will be persauded your bad association.... They are advised to get rid of "worldly" friends ..I was one for over 20+ years .. It is a very mind altering religion... Dont even let her talk to you about what they believe because as scripture says "they have a spirit of deception" No one is immune to having their minds captured ... I my opinion...
Please can someone help me with this question?
by finger 24 Replies latest jw friends
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mouthy
OOps sorry for the repeat I must have posted the same time as you
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Elsewhere
Also will she still be allowed too talk to me and my husband? As we have no intention what soever of joining.
She will have to cut you off...
*** Kingdom Ministry 6/89 pp. 1-2 Enjoying Theocratic Association ***
WHOLESOME ASSOCIATION
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One cannot walk with God while running in association with those of the wicked and sick society that approves of everything that God abhors. The Bible warns: "Bad associations spoil useful habits." (1 Cor. 15:33) Some in the congregation may be inclined to invite worldly acquaintances and unbelieving relatives who have no interest in the truth to social gatherings, thinking that this will encourage them to accept the truth. However, is this wise and in harmony with the Scriptures?6
We have been counseled to be cautious in our dealings with men of the nations, unbelievers, and ordinary persons. (See the November 15, 1988, issue of The Watchtower, pages 15-16.) Why should we have unnecessary social contact with people who still pursue worldly ways and who have not become worshipers of Jehovah? (2 Cor. 6:14, 15) Some who are negligent spiritually may seek out others who also hold on to worldly thinking and ways instead of seeking association with mature Christians who could help them become strong in the faith. They fail to appreciate that attendance at social gatherings with worldly, unprincipled people can weaken their faith and corrupt them.?Compare 2 Thessalonians 3:14, 15.7
Everyone wanting to practice the truth should search out associates who are devoted to Jehovah and who will help him to walk in the truth and contribute to his progress in serving God. Our friends and associates can have a profound effect on us. Therefore, how wise it is to seek out the company of godly persons who maintain a close relationship with Jehovah! -
amac
We could go on for hours and hours about why she should be cautious about joining the JWs...but for me it can be summed up rather nicely in the fact that once you are a JW one of the greatest sins that has drastic sanctions is that you ARE NOT ALLOWED TO READ ANY MATERIAL FROM ANYONE THAT IS CRITICAL OF THE JW ORGANIZATION. If you do, you are seriously reprimanded and if you don't get rid of it you are kicked out and everyone treats you like you don't exist, they won't even say Hi in passing. Maybe not a big deal to someone who has just joined, but many people are members for a long time and only have JW friends and family and then are treated as dead by all of them. This alone should raise a red flag for anyone.
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Winston Smith :>D
finger,
Hi, and welcome to the board.
I was a a JW for 20 years. I just left the cult [Disassociated myself], and now my wife and i are are teetering on the brink of divorce.
All of my friends have shunned me. A family that I stood up for in their wedding for won't even ring the doorbell when they come to see my wife.
They call her cellphone first, then ask her to come to the door and they talk briefly there.
It's insane
So here's my educated perspective:
Um, yes. As stated, this will only end in misery for all involved unless she stops studying w/the JW's ASAP.
dustyb had some good insights, as well as others.
>but they both think there will be no problems.
Then they are woefully ignorant of what they are getting themselves into!
>His GF is not yet baptised so probably they are not telling her yet the whole truth about the rules she must abide by,
And that is exactly why they are ignorant of what they are getting into. As JW, we will sell you the warm fuzzy ideas at first. After you have accepted these ideas and you see how 'nice' [read FAKE] JW's are, they will then tell you what you HAVE to BELIEVE after you are baptised OR ELSE
When I was a JW, if we would get someone at the door to study with us as your friend is, here was the Mode of Operation:
1. Be SUPER-DUPER nice to both of them
2. Get her to come to the Kingdom Hall after studying for a month or two
3. When she comes to the Kingdom Hall, she will be LOVE BOMBED, and everyone appears nicer than anyone else you have ever known.
4. If she wants to continue studying but her boyfriend wants her to stop, they will tell her that since she is studying with god's chosen organization, Satan is now trying to stop her from knowing the truth about the Bible. They will then conduct studies with her at times he is unaware of behind his back. As he becomes more upset at her studying; he, in a sense, will be fulfilling the JW's false prophesy and it will make her tihnk that the JW's were right about being god's true organization
5. She may then be asked to go in field service. She will be scared to. So they will tell her that she doesn't have to talk at the door and just accompany them on some Return Visits, [people that they have talked to preiously and have been well received].
6. She will also start to be 'encouraged' to give comments at meetings during the participation parts. Her study conductor will assist in preparing easy answers for her
7. Likely she will also be shown how wonderful it would be to give small parts/talks at the KH. She will be asked then, not to give a talk, but to be a 'householder', acting out the part of someone they run into at the door in field service.
8. By this time, she is all but bapatised.
9. during all of this, men at the congregation will try to setup up bible studies with the boyfriend as well. Maybe even conduct a bible study with the two of them at the same time.
10. Regardless, they will start inviting her to come to 'get-togethers' at their homes with her boyfriend. If he won't go, she will be LOVE BOMBED some more. She will start to grow bonds with people at the KH, and start to view her boyfriend as a bad, 'worldy' person who is doomed to die at Armageddon, which is coming VERY SOON! Any friends she has will slowly lose contact with her.
Eventually, if she is baptised, and they then get married, a minimum amount of the so-called 'friends' will show up at the wedding because she is marrying a bad, 'worldly' person.
At that point will start to see the 'other' rules that the JW's have that new ones are not told about.
There are many more. Wait until they would have kids. She will be encouraged to drag them out in service, to meetings, lose all of thier neighborhood friends. It's bad. Don't forget the shunning of any relatives who are not JW's
>she also believes that she doesnt have to go door to door. Which I believe to be wrong.
She couldn't be more wrong if she tried. She will NEVER be allowed to get baptised as a JW unless she gets in time EVERY MONTH going door to door. 10 hours a month is expected. Any less, and you typically are viewed as a 'spiritually weak' person.
People will know how many hours she gets in because the group she will be assigned to go out door to door with will talk among themselves who is out and who isn't, and then they will tell the rest of the Kingdom Hall what she is or isn't doing right.
>Also will she still be allowed too talk to me and my husband? As we have no intention what soever of joining. And you will likewise will be REPLACED by her new, spiritual friends at the Kingdom Hall. It will be encouraged to her by her study conductor. You celebrate X-mas, birthdays, accept blood, and won't be 'spiritually upbuilding' to her, A.K.A., talking about how wonderful the WatchTower Society is in all of your conversations. Any other talk other than talking about the WTS is considered 'dead works'. If you don't stop her now, you will WITHOUT QUESTION lose her as a friend within a couple of years. Sorry. Plus, if you mention anything about finding information on the INTERNET RE: the JW's, you will also be accused getting false information from an apostate whose only focus in life is to destroy the WatchTower Society. Good luck; god knows you're going to need it. Hope she hasn't been studying long. Best, Paul
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jws
Although a lot of the rules are out there in the open, there are many subtle ones as well. Going to a bar or nightclub may not be strictly forbidden, but will be looked down upon if they find out. People will treat her differently if she engages in certain things and she will be pressured to comply. Eventually, they will get around to rules about what they do in the bedroom. If he/she likes oral sex, better start trying to go without now (assuming they are married). If they are having sex and not married, better forget it now. I forget whether R-rated movies are actually forbidden or just labeled "unchristian". So, they can't go see R-rated movies together anymore. Don't plan on going to most concerts together either. Although she might be with him, their "worldly" friends (non-JWs) will be considered "bad association", no matter what kind of people they are or how nice they are.
Someone has already touched on not celebrating holidays and birthdays. She will also be attending church services (meetings) 3 times a week. Usually, Sunday morning, Tuesday night and Thursday night. Missing even one of these will be frowned upon. They may give her some slack at first, but once she is in, she will get counselled on why she is skipping them. And yes, she will be compelled to go out preaching. That's another couple of hours, usually on Saturday mornings. If she does not at least get in those couple of hours a week, people will be suspicious of her. She will also be expected to prepare for each meeting. There are 2 question and answer meetings each week that she will be expected to read and study and be prepared to answer. Some people actually earn respect from others by how much highlighting and notes they make in their books/magazines. When you add it all up, you've got 5 hours of time at 3 meetings, 2 hours of preaching once a week, time to prep, time to get to/from meetings and preaching, time before/after for talking to friends there, and time to get dressed up for meetings/preaching. In all, it's easily over a dozen hours a week for this where the boyfriend is not involved. It is a forced seperation and will start to alienate them from each other. That can cause problems in any relationship when one is in some group and has a whole different set of friends that aren't part of both of their lives. And there are the occasional conventions in which she will be gone for a 3 or 4 day weekend for the big ones (once a year) and a day or two on the weekend for the smaller ones (used to be twice a year).
Everything in her religion is going to divide them. As she believes it more, she will believe that if he does not become a JW, he is going to die at judgement day (Armageddon). If she cares for him, she will try to pressure him in any way she can to join. There will no doubt be many fights over this and their relationship might not survive. If he does not want to join (a wise choice), she will worry about him and it will be something that will eat away at her.
And most importantly, it is a cult. It has some beliefs that are provably wrong. They will deny it by disallowing members to read opposing views. The very foundations of their religion are based on false premises. From there, they've built a belief system that puts their organization between man and Jesus. Neither of them should ever consider joining. Avoid them.
He might want to look into some books that expose the JWs. Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz is a good one that many people start off with. Check out freeminds.org for some others. If she can be turned away from them before she gets too far in, maybe they can save their relationship and save her from a lifetime of walking on eggshells and letting others dictate every aspect of her life.
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finger
How can I make her see she is making a mistake, If I tell her I think it is bad will that make her more determind?
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imzadi
One of my best friends married a third generation JW two years ago. It hasn't been easy for either of them, and I'm worried -less that if he ever gets into a situation where he needs blood to survive she'll let him die. For now, they are happily walking a tightrope between his world of birthday and holiday celebrations and hers of <almost> absolute obedience to the WTS. My gut feeling is that they won't be able to keep this up indefinately and one of them will ultimately have to convert if the marriage is to survive.
PM me if you would like more info.
Iz
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Country Girl
You bet. Think about it. JW men are encouraged to take control of the house as "head of the household." Although they are told to treat their wives like the "weaker vessel" according them respect and consideration, this seldom is the case. Very often, it is that the JW wife is the bottom of the food chain in the Kingdom Hall. I hope your friend likes wearing doilies on her head when she prays in front of her husband or other (even) upbaptized males that may be even 9 years old. Women are second class citizens in the average JW Kingdom Hall. You might tell your friend that if she and her beau get married, that she will be required to "keep in her place." She will not be allowed to talk to Elders, if she asks to, unless her "head" has told her she can. Her children will be subjected to mass mockery at school for being so different, in addition to the "normal" problems of childhood.. If they are sexually abused by a fellow JW, she will be encourged to keep it quiet and not contact the appropriate authorities because to do so would bring shame and reproach on Jehovah's organization. If she *does* report it, she will be treated as a pariah, and her child will most likely be shunned because he/she brought accusations against another brother. In the congregation, she will most likely be warned that her child cannot "talk" about the abuse, because that is slander. If the child is baptized, and talks, it will be slanderous, and the child would be disfellowshipped, and be shunned by all known friends, family members that are JW's, including your friend. If she does *not* shun her child,she will most likely be disfellowshipped herself.
The most "privileges" that she can expect in the congregation is cleaning toilets, and being an Elder's "wife." Women don't make the big decisions, and they never will. They will not even be INCLUDED in making the big decisions. If her husband is an Elder, he will frequently be called out on "shepharding call" or in a room at the Kingdom Hall on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays while he attends "elder's meetings." Her time with him will be pretty limited. She will be expected to put up with it, because of his position in the Hall. She will be expected to raise the children and teach them, hold studies with them, and *still* keep the house clean, cook, etc. while her husband is off galavanting with even yes <gasp> single sisters in the "socalled" shepharding work.
She will constantly be scrutinized, analyzed and gossiped about. She better be perfect.
CG
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Country Girl
wooops... I misread your post. I thought it was your friend's BOYFRIEND that was studying. Sorry about that.. but what I wrote still stands. Heh.
CG