thanks sparrowdawn - I agree
fairlane - exactly what i mean but I call it culture shock. the person leaving is like a refugee hero - he has to start again and no longer has access to his past life. realizing one now has 'free will' is what I would call taking responsibility for oneself cos this is the way the secular world operates. we now have a different set of responsibilities and like a refugee/hero we have to act fast to get control of our lives.