My Husband Just Thinks I am Being Vindictive

Mystery

Situation:

My mom and sister came down in November "during Thanksgiving" break. My mom has been a JW since I was 1 year old. My sister - her entire life. She married an unbeliver who is now a MS. A daughter (17 yrs old) that is pioneering and a son (15 yrs) who is not yet baptised; but soon will be.

During their visit, I assume, that "they finally decided" that i am an "unbeliever". I have been fading for 22 years. I will not return to this hypocritical religion. My mom, who has talked/emailed to me for the past 22 years has now decided not to take my phone calls/emails.

My sister, Ms. Holier than Tho, only talks to me regarding "illnesses or illness related tragedy" - so the WTBTS says, right?

So it has become evident to me that I am no longer in their lives except when it comes to "illness".

I guess, unofficially, I am DF'ed in their eyes. As it seems to me.

So the Dilemma is: (which my husband thinks I am being a total B.... about)

A few years ago; I know, for a fact, that my sister had an affair. Yes! Ms. Holier than Tho judging me now, had an affair.

I know I am very bitter right now. My "family" with their conditional love is basically disowning me. And I am not sure if I am glad that it is finally coming to a close or not. But I want so much to email my sister and simply ask her if she has ask the "ELDERS!!!" for forgiveness. Asking Jehovah doesn't count because she has to confess to the ELDERS!!!!

I know if this was actually found out that she would be publicly humiliated . I am typically not a vindictive person. I have been thru so much this past couple of years that I could not bear to hurt anyone. So why am I so enticed with badgering my sister with this info? Besides wanting to get the "last dig in" before they completely disown me?

Euphemism

((((Mystery))))

I'm sorry to hear about your family deciding to shun you. It's bizarre that they would suddenly feel the need to change their treatment of you after 22 years.

As far as your sister... I can understand feeling the way you do. When Meia and I were 'outed' by a Witness friend, I wanted to take revenge by telling the elders what I knew about her. But two wrongs don't make a right; and I realized that by doing that, I would just be perpetuating the Watchtower's power over her.

I don't think there'd be anything wrong, however, with appealing to your sister, and pointing out her logical inconsistency.

Gopher

It seems like your husband is correct in that you should rise above this.

Your sister married an unbeliever? Tsk, tsk. That's a no-no. Then she went and cheated on him after he became a good dub to make her happy? That's really sly.

If she's still married to him, did she confess it to her husband and make it right with HIM? The effect on him is much more important then having the elders come in and pry for details.

Of course your sister won't go to the elders about this situation. She's never followed the rules before, why would she start now? Nothing you do to expose it would change her hypocritical heart.

Sorry your family is deciding to become unloving. Many of us have experienced that same thing, and it can be hard to come to grips with the fact that it will never be the same as it was before. And it's nearly impossible to convince unloving people to show love.

avishai

I'd at least let her husband know. Give her the opportunity to confess to him and/or the elders. I'd hold them to the same religious standards that they hold you too, even though you have obviously chosen to not take that path. I'd do it, but then again, I am a vindictive sonofabitch!

Tatiana

Actually, Mystery. I don't think it would be two wrongs. Here's my logic. What THEY are doing to you is wrong. But, by "reporting" what your sister did, according to them, you'd only be "saving" your sister, and preventing her destruction at Armageddon. So, you are in the right! See how neat that is?

Fe2O3Girl

I can understand how hurt you feel by your family's rejection.

If you drag up what she did years ago, you won't just be hurting her, you will hurt her husband, her children and yourself.

It's none of the elder's business, and it's none of your business. So she's a hypocrite - you can't change that. Walk away from it.

Country_Woman

I think your husband is right.

Telling the elders right now regarding this past affair, would kind of smell of revenge or blackmail.
Telling in private to your sister that you know it, woul'nt change a bit at the current situation.

But I do understand your feelings - it is very difficult not striking back.

patio34

Hi,

It seems fine for you to tell her privately what you think she should do about her infidelity and even point out the hypocrisy of it. If she's uncomfortable or worried about if you'll tell, that's just too bad. Imo, that's self-defense and proper self-respect to show some backbone about being treated so poorly.

However, as far as alerting her husband or the elders, that would seem verboten to me. That seems to be meddling into something that's no one else's business.

It's one thing to talk to her privately, but another to provoke terrible repercussions in her life. If they happen, they happen, but not be caused by you. That would seem to be vindictive.

Pat

Nathan Natas

I agree with Avishai.

Your sister is responsible for the consequences of her actions.

She has made a choice - to be a zealous member of a mind-control cult, and to support the cult's shunning policy so as to psychologically manipulate YOU.

She does this while hypocritically concealing her own actions when they run counter to WTS rules and presenting herself as a "shining example to others". Well, I say "remove the basket, and let her light be seen by all."

You are not obligated to tolerate her abuse of you, nor are you obligated to conceal her hypocrisy for her.

Expose her, and let her feel the warmth of Jehovah's love.

Understand that she will probably deny your accusation, and that this will probably not improve your relationship with her. But it may give her the sort of personal experience of the elder's love that will open her eyes and the eyes of her family to the truth behind "the trooth." On the other hand, there is also the possibility that she will, through twisted Dub logic, become a sort of martyr.

Be sure you have your ducks in a row, take your time to get it right, then take your best shot.

Do not fear the judgement of imaginary gods or their representatives.

unbeliever

If I were in your position I would have no problem pointing out her hypocrisy privately. As far as telling the husband about something that happened a long time ago (if he doesn't already know) I would not go down that road.

My Husband Just Thinks I am Being Vindictive

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