My Husband Just Thinks I am Being Vindictive (page 2)

acsot

I was about to write what Patio34 and unbeliever wrote, but they already did, so ditto what they said.

Guest 77

Another vote for doing it privately. "Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good." Rom 12:21

Apparently this matter is eating away at you. So, as Jesus suggested, "Be about settling matters quickly..." Matt 5:25. Go get it done and be at peace.

Guest 77

Mulan

But I want so much to email my sister and simply ask her if she has ask the "ELDERS!!!" for forgiveness.

It's possible that she has taken care of this and it did not become public knowledge. If that is true, then you would be humiliated for nothing, and she would come out smelling like a rose.

Something similar happened in a situation I know of, and a man's in laws found out about something this 35 year old man had done as a teenager, and they wrote letters to elders and the CO and stirred up a real mess, thinking they were helping their daughter get out of a bad marriage. It had been handled when he was 17, very quietly, but it became public because of all the stuff they stirred up. It took the current elders forming a committee, and beginning to deal with it, before anyone thought to check with NY to see if it had been handled before, as the man and his parents said. Needless embarrassment and humiliation.

JamesThomas

I have been thru so much this past couple of years that I could not bear to hurt anyone.

You, dear Mystery, are your own best guide. You may notice that the "badgering" and vindictiveness comes from the story telling within the mind. Within the silence of your heart you have no need to hurt or strike out. In fact, it would hurt you more than her -- if you did. j

Mystery

Thank you for your responses. I was a little upset last night due to calling to check on my nephew and receiving "his medical report" from my sister (he was in a bad 4-wheeler wreck two weeks ago) and then being "brushed off and dismissed".

I would much rather prefer to have her eyes open to ?the truth? than to be vindictive. Being 3 rd generation everything at ?home? is JW. Her husband works for a JW. My sister-in-law has 4 sisters. All JW?s. Everyone she associates with is JW.

She is the one everyone goes to, to help plan weddings, baby showers, parties, graduations? Even if she began to have doubts I don?t think she would ever leave. She would have let her son die 2 weeks ago IF he had of actually needed blood. Blood was mentioned and she told the doc. under no uncertain terms, absolutely not.

I believe 99% that she has not ?confessed? to the elders. I don?t think I could ever call the elders and say ?did you know??, nor could I call the husband and say it. But I know that I could ask her if she has ?confessed?; to let her know that I know that she isn?t as perfect as she perceives.

I could let her know, that I know, of her hypocrisy and ask her to show me where forgiveness had to come from the elders and not from Jehovah. Ask her to prove to me in the Bible that a body of elders are the ones that have to be told and have to do the forgiving. Then maybe from her answer, ask another question. And so on and so forth? Never really blackmailing her to research, but just perceiving that it would be a possibility that if she didn't, i would tell.

Mulan

Then maybe from her answer, ask another question. And so on and so forth? Never really blackmailing her to research, but just perceiving that it would be a possibility that if she didn't, i would tell.

That might make her tell, but it wouldn't improve your relationship. In the end, you do what your heart tells you to do.

garybuss

Mystery, Thanks for the thread. My Witness brother told me, "You represent everything in the world I hate.". I replied by telling him I love him, and if i could ever do anything to help him or his family, to let me know. I sent him some family pictures I had taken when I was about 12 years old on slides after I had prints made. Then about three years later when I was near his home, I offered an invitation to meet for coffee and he declined. I was more hurt by it all than angry.

I regret going and seeing him, and risking the fragile rapport we had, but foolishly I did it.

I have let it lay there. That's the way it will all end. What do I say to someone who has told me I represent everything in the world they hate? In our case, it was pretty honest, and pretty final.

The contacts with my brother were at the encouragement of some well meaning but deluded people I wish I had never listened to. My gut told me to stay away from him. That would have been the better thing to do. We have nothing in common and I have nothing he could accept and by walking on his egg shells, I removed the possibility of future contact.

Now I advise doing whatever it takes to keep rapport short of living a bad life. For me, a bad life would be one that does not agree with my beliefs. I discourage confrontation of any kind, of a personal nature. GaryB

Sassy

I agree with the others that you 'telling' could hurt your relationship more and could cause irreperable damage.. I wouldn' turn her in (if it was me.. but then I want no contact with the elders for any reason any way)..

but I have to admit while she is so high and mighty and acting like you are so wrong about not acting as an active JW... I would be tempted to talk to her about it though.. calmly if possible.. The thing is, if she truly believes this is the way to life..............and she doesn't confess..... then ultimately by their rules she will be destroyed on judgement day.......just as you would be for not being a JW..

besides.. I take it you are not Dfd.. but they only treat you that way? who made them judge?? how do they know you would be?

sorry.. the thing is no matter what.. this situation has to hurt.. it is that I am sorry about..

My mother is actually acting the same way with me as far as contact and I'm not Dfd or Da'd either.. I just admitted to her I stopped my JW activities.. that was enough for her to make that choice to stop contact except and email here or there to ask if I am thinking about coming back...I know it hurts.. and I hurt for you..

patio34

Hi again Mystery,

One more thing I thought of after reading GaryBuss's post is paying attention to your own intuition. If someone came to you and asked your advice on the same situation, how would you advise them? That often is very revealing as to what your intuition is. Respect it, I think.

Warmly,

Pat

Schizm

But I want so much to email my sister and simply ask her if she has ask the "ELDERS!!!" for forgiveness.
I know if this was actually found out that she would be publicly humiliated. I am typically not a vindictive person....So why am I so enticed with badgering my sister with this info? Besides wanting to get the "last dig in" before they completely disown me?

"Love never fails." If you fail to show love your sister will have something on YOU.

Conduct your affairs in such a way that you'll have no regrets later on in life. None of us know what might develop with the passing of enough time.

.

My Husband Just Thinks I am Being Vindictive

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