This is an excellent post, and something that I have given thought to. However, my dad made his own arrangements prior to his death and they were honored: no casket, no funeral, just cremation, and ashes disbursed in a lovely place. My dad was not an active JW when he passed...he was baptised, but inactive for many years. He had a fear of armageddon, but felt the rules and regulations were too strict for him.
When he began planning for his arrangements, he also planned for my mom's, and they both decided that they wanted to be cremated. I really don't know whether my mom wishes a funeral in the KH or not, but her feeling is that a casket is a waste of money. They will probably have some type of service for her, because she continues to be a very faithful and active sister.
She has already said that all her estate will go to the youngest, our brother, who did so much for them in the past years. Being the youngest, and male, he was able to be helpful in ways that I could not--especially so, since I walked away from being a JW in the early 80's.
My dad's ashes were kept in a box under a desk for over a year afterwards, and then finally, my siblings gathered and said a final farewell. My brother read aloud what I had written as my special message to him. Then his ashes were let go. It was private and went well, he said. Mom cried as he read what I'd written in my abscense.
I would never go about arguing with anyone regarding the known desires of my mom. She has a will, and it will be honored. She has said that some things should be sold and the funds given to the congregation; but now she owns so little, that I'm sure my brother will take whatever she has and the rest will go to needy people in the congregation.
I certainly wouldn't like it if things happened and I wasn't aware of it; but there wouldn't be much I could do. My mom has things under control and she has made her desires known, so we will all honor her wishes.
The thing that I want most from her is something I can never have, and that is our precious mother/daughter relationship, which was ripped away many years ago, due to JW influence. She has made her choice and I have made mine.
It's important in matters such as this that your parent(s) have a will and make their wishes known to family. It doesn't even have to be a formal will, as long as someone is appointed to make certain their wishes are carried out as best as can possibly be done. My parents softened a bit from their cruel letter to me back when dad first made arrangements for their cremations. He told me that if either one of them died, there would be no need for me to come to Florida, no need for me to do anything. So, I was hurt, and I wrote back, that in case I died, they didn't have to be concerned about coming to my funeral, etc. Feelings can get hurt when things get emotional. No use to wait until the last minute for important things such as this.
I admire my dad for doing this when he did, even in the way he did it. At least he took much of the burden from my mom and from my brother. It gave my mom great peace not to have to worry with all details. I believe she is intending the same thing. Although her being an active JW, and most of her children being on the outside now, restricts things a bit.
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