When a JW parent dies (page 2)

Lady Lee

Nos

I would probably let my mother have her Special Funeral Talk, but I wouldn't attend.

So what would you do for yourself to help you have some kind of closure?

Lady Lee

Sassy My mother too has her whole life wrapped up in the JWs. It is the only thing she has left. I don't mind them having the JW service. I just don't want to be a part of it.

But at the same time I want something. When my father died (non-JW and long divorced from my mother) we had a small service at the funeral home. I realized after how important that was. And I just know the JWs won't allow me any part in my mother's funeral if they can stop me. Two services seem ideal to me. Neither side has to feel left out.

BTW My mother is alone again - none of her husbands were JWs and only one studied for a while when she was just beginning.

Lady Lee

Unbeliever

As Mulan said in many places it is against the law to scatter ashes now - especially in public places. In Quebec where I dealt with cremations of JWs you needed a special permit that went where ever the ashes went.

Anglise

It is very possible she has it written down somewhere. Very often people forget to let others know about this or it doesn't get found until after the funeral. I will respect anything legal but that still doesn't stop me from doing my own thing later.

Lady Lee

Mulan

We have all discussed it and will have our own "service" probably at my house.

That sounds good. It doesn't have to be big and the JWs probably won't show up (especially if they aren't invited)

If it is mom's dying wish and she were to beg me to go back to meetings I would never go back. I might tell her I will, (not sure of that) to make her die peacefully, but after she is gone, what difference would it make? I have thought of discussing it with her now and telling her not to think about asking something like that, which is not beyond her. I fully expect it to happen so I thought it might work to discuss it beforehand.

I thought about talking with her about it but then I know she would take legal action as in a will to control us even after she dies. So my lips are sealed - (so y'all hush now)

As far as will are concerned, it doesn't matter with either of my parents. They have nothing to leave to anyone. But if I learned that there was money they left to the WTS I would contest the will. I know others who have done that, and the WTS has capitulated each time, and the family got the money. They didn't take up the battle.

That is really good to know. She doesn't have a lot but the family should get it. The WTS is rich enough.

Lady Lee

Scully

You're right - that is disgusting. (((Scully))) on both points

sure am glad you are free

darkuncle29

How far would you go in this situation to have things your way when a parent dies?

In this order of importance: Wishes of deceased, wishes of offspring, then other immediate family, friends or anybody else left over.

As a child would you take over from the JW siblings?

Unless specified, absolutely yes.

If there is a will (and I don't know if there is but there might be) would you honor her wishes for the JW infomercial and leave it at that?

I would fullfill the intent of the will, but would also have something for non-JW family to have closure.

How far would you go to push through the JW siblings if they insist on the infomercial and shunning?

If not the explicit instructions of the deceased, then no holds barred. Frock them and their puny mind set.

Would you fight the will if the WTS gets everything and the kids get nothing?

Sadly, this is one battle that can not usually be won. If there is possibility of winning, then go for it. This is not a fight I'd choose just for the sake of a fight.

Would you fight the JW family if they had removed things from her home before you got there?

Damn straight! This happened with my great grandmother-nonJW. I lived 2000 miles away. Extended family decended like vultures. The things of personal value that I wanted access to were gone or destroyed. I wanted to scan hundreds of very old photos, and some of her hand written recipies and notes. Now, I am not even allowed to see them.

I am generally a peacful fellow, but this sort of thing makes my blood explode.

Narkissos

My father died a few days ago. I had not seen him for years. He even didn't want to see my daughter who was his only grandchild. Although he mentioned several times the WT instructions about apostates to rationalize his attitude to me, I know the JWs were just a part of the problem.

I went to the funeral in the cemetery -- hundreds of miles from my home. I know from my halfsister (who never was a dub) they had a service in the KH the day before (I was not invited). One positive thing about it is that they made a collection and gave her the money to flower his tomb (things seem to have changed a bit on that matter). In the cemetery an elder (who is a relative) gave a very short and neutral talk, without any religious reference. And so it was.

I had a rather long conversation with my halfsister, then I came back to the graveyard alone when everybody was gone. Although I didn't think of such a thing before, I felt like performing my own "ritual". I looked for and found my paternal grandmother's grave in the opposite side of the cemetery, brought some stones from her grave to his and from his to her. Had a few words with both. Then I went away.

In fact I knew for many years I had already "lost" my father, and lived with the memory of the daddy he was when I was a little boy, this time it was the end of whatever "hope" remained in my heart, and I too needed some kind of "closure".

As for wills and the like, we know nothing yet, except his model JW wife having a firm hold on most of his belongings (she was very busy after that the very day of his death)... In the meantime we found he had (at least) another "secret" child he never told us about. What will come up next, we'll just have to wait and see...

That was the pretty silly end for a pretty silly story...

Lady Lee

Narkisso

Sorry to read about the death of your father. It certainly does end the hope of some kind of reconsiliation.

And it wasn't a silly story by any means. The way you marked his passing by the sharing of stones was beautiful and thank you for sharing it.

Before my father died I thought I would never do anything - (well maybe go spit on his grave). But that need for some kind of closure is much stronger than I realized. Even if as in my case the relationship was a very negative one, that hope that maybe something will change lies dormant.

darkuncle

I'm with you on every point.

Years ago I saw something similar happen with a family when the mother died. She had foster kids who came and stepped over her body at the door (yes really) to take things from her home before the family got there. Just disgusting - and many were JWs but not all

Sassy

((((((((((((((Narkissos)))))))))))))))) I am so sad for you. Thank you for sharing. I think you are smart to remember things from another time in your memory when your father was in your life.. and you own ceremony at the cemetary was so touching.

Lee, I understand what you mean and think a seperate cermony is a good idea... I must admit I will have a really hard time listening to the talk at the hall.. and I guess I was thinking more about my mom's insterests than my own closure.

Mulan.. now you have me worried. I know my mother would on her death bed beg me to promise to come back.. she might think it is the only way to get me there.. I have no idea what I would say to her.

Lady Lee

Sassy If my mother was to ask me something like that I think I would honestly say "I will think about it"

I just won't tell her how long (about 10 seconds) nor will I tell her I already know the answer (NO!)

When a JW parent dies

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