by Nosferatu 24 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
Would you leave your kids with your abusive parents?Good question. It's risky to say the least, so I would only do it for something very important, like a date, or a drug deal that couldn't be rescheduled.
I REALLY worry about you Six! Is a date THAT hard to come by?!?!
Of course not Andi, so long as I've gotten a recent paycheck!
I wouldn't even let my children meet my parents. I wouldn't let my children be with people who would let my abusive parents be around them without my permission.
If your parents abused you, have not apologized and made amends, why would you think they would not abuse their grandchildren?
This is a good reason to get to know your neighbors, in-laws, and other people who could act as temporary caretakers in your place.
Blondie (who made this decision when I was only 19 and childless)
No. Never.
Fourth, which is most recent, me and my current fiance were discussing our parents being grandparents. She mentioned that we could leave our kids with my parents for a week while we go on holidays. I began stating my dislike to that idea when she told me that she couldn't do it with her parents; her mother doesn't like children.
OK. Am I completely wrong to think that it is not necessary for parents to go on holidays without their children while their children are growing up? My husband and I never went on any sort of holidays except FAMILY holidays for at least the first 10 years of parenthood. Then, we had my [non-abusive] Mother come to our home to watch our kids while we took a 4-day weekend. A few years later, we had his [non-abusive] Mother come to our home while we went away for a week. When my kids were all in their teens, I finally took a trip to Paris with a girlfriend which we had postponed because SHE had [stupidly! lol] had kids a couple of years after graduating from high school. Hubby parented while I was away. My husband has gone away golfing with his buddies, while I stayed home with the kids.
I realize that when one actually lives close to relatives (our closest ones were at least 400 miles away) it is easier and more tempting to have them babysit for the bambinos. We didn't have that option, ever. Rather than leave your kids with Grandparents who have been abusers in the past or who dislike children, you might consider postponing holidays for two until the kiddies are grown. Family vacations are really quite fun! (And the kids DO fall asleep earlier than the grown-ups -- especially if you've played with them enough to have worn them out!) We spent many happy weeks at a family cottage with their cousins.
When the two of you want some "alone" time -- have a trustworthy friend or neighbor watch them overnight while the two of you have a weekend getaway at a local hotel. If the only option is Grandma or Grandpa Abusive, remember it IS a want, and not a need. Postpone gratification, you're the grown-ups now.
My 15 gazillion cents,
outnfree
OK. Am I completely wrong to think that it is not necessary for parents to go on holidays without their children while their children are growing up? My husband and I never went on any sort of holidays except FAMILY holidays for at least the first 10 years of parenthood.
outnfree,
IMO...YES, you are completely wrong. Unless you are an advocate of Dr. Laura. Adults (even parents) deserve a break now and then. I think it is unreasonable to expect years of no holidays sans kids. A holiday allows parents to regroup and recharge, invest in their relationship which in turn benefits children.
Your decision must have been right for you...but definitely wouldn't apply to most.
