Alone and Lost. Please help me understand. (page 2)

Guest 77

Someone suggested to leave it be, that's a good suggestion. Give it some time.

I married outside the faith and my wife can tell you some 'rocky' stories. I never had any regrets marrying an outsider. I asked my wife if she had regrets. She said, 'My father told me, you made your bed and now, you have to sleep in it.' Take it from there. We've been married 41 years.

It is my understanding that if any marriage partner 'forgives' their spouse for committing adultery, he/she is not free to marry.

Guest 77

Doubtfully Yours

I really, really, really dislike adulterers.

DY

cruzanheart

I do not want or deserve approval for having an affair with him.

First of all, welcome to the board! I think you will find help here as well as a lot of insight into the inner workings of the JW mind. Secondly, please don't be so hard on yourself! Being human means we make mistakes, and the only thing you're guilty of is falling in love. Sex kind of naturally follows that. And besides, why would it be your fault anyway? He was there too, right?

You've received a lot of good advice. It sounds like your man is getting a guilt trip from a family member who is a JW, if he has any, or some elder-type person who is trying to get him back to meetings. He really needs to take a stand one way or another, or you will be sitting on a fence with him and be totally miserable because he won't make up his mind.

Above all things, please don't try to become a JW to please him. It is a very damaging isolationist high-control group that is NOT the only way to salvation, no matter what they may try to tell you.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

Nina

Nosferatu

I'm going to put all the JW stuff aside, and give you reasons why it's better to let this man go.

First of all, he's already cheated on his wife with you. At one time, he was in love with his wife. Why else would he have married her. The love has obviously fizzled out.

Now, if you were to marry him, what's going to stop him from doing the same thing to you? He probably loves you the same way he loved his wife when he first met her. When he gets bored of the relationship (or discovers something he doesn't like about you), do you really think he's going to put some effort into the relationship, or go out seeking something new? It sounds like he doesn't care enough about his wife to help her with her problem.

You're definately better off without him. I doubt you need this kind of person in your life. Now throw all the JW issues on top.

cruzanheart

DY: Well, I really, really really dislike politics, which is why I usually avoid threads dealing with the subject. That way I don't hurt anyone's feelings.

Nina

gumby

It is weighing him down that he has had an affair,

It's weighing him down because of what the witnesses believe. The witnesses do not believe that a serious sin such as this can be handled by the sinner and god alone. They believe that ALL sins of a SERIOUS NATURE.......must be confessed to them so they can provide 'spiritual aid'.

My daughters mother-in law was disfellowshipped after confessing of an affair 3 years prior to her confession. The elders reasoning was........she was hiding a sin. She confessed and was sorry and they still disfellowshipped her. Your bf probably knows he faces the same trial.

It's intresting how a witness can lead a double life and commit sins.............and still hold to "certain other" principals they wouldn't dare break.

BTW.......welcome

Gumby

Amazing

HI Amy,

Although not spoken of often, another basis that the Watchtower leaders have allowed for a divorce is called "Spiritual Endangerment" ... but it is primarily intended when a married loyal JW has a partner who has turned away from the religion, becoming what they call "apostate." Were he to become "apostate" they would encourage his wife against him, leading her to divorce him ... BUT ... the problem you have is that he is trying to stay loyal to the religion and holding on to his less than happy marige. If anything, were his wife to be deemed an "apostate" he could divorce her ... however ...

That still does not technically free him to remarry. Yet, once this happens, many JWs have been very creative in obtaining a "scriptual divorce" by simply pressuring their partner to sign a statement that they are free to remarry ... kind of a loophole in the religion's rules ... no proof, no evidence, simply sign a piece of paper ... another loophole would be to hire a handyman to visit the house during the day when the wife is home alone, and have someone take a picture of him being there, and then by circumstantial evdience, the JW Elders will accept this as good enough to get a Scriptural divorce ... albeit a very dirty trick.

NOW FOR THE TOUGH PART: Run from this man like hell, never turn back, never feel sorry. Find a NON-JW and fall in love and marry him ... but don't marry a JW, especially one that sits on the fence, willing to have and affair, but whose loyalty is still stronger for this silly religion ... your life will be hell, and what you thought was love will get ugly and prove to be nothing but pure misery ... he either wants to marry you or not ... and he has already proven he does NOT. So please, run like hell, and let him go ... grieve the memory as you need, but ask God to get you through this and run for the hills ... run fast ... and don't look back. Ever.

Jim W.

gumby

Although not spoken of often, another basis that the Watchtower leaders have allowed for a divorce is called "Spiritual Endangerment" ... but it is primarily intended when a married loyal JW has a partner who has turned away from the religion, becoming what they call "apostate."

Were he to become "apostate" they would encourage his wife against him, leading her to divorce him

Jim......are you sure you do not mean a scriptural SEPERATION?

The witnesses STILL believe there is no grounds for divorce except for adultry. As you say........they do not always take ACTION against one who divorces their mate on other grounds........yet if they RE-MARRY without a scriptural divorce......then they too are an adulterer.

My point is..... I have not known an elder body to ENCOURAGE or RECOMMEND a witness to divorce their mate on grounds of Apostasy.................they WILL encourage a seperation if the situation is bad enough in their eyes.

Gumby

Amazing

Hi Gumby,

Jim......are you sure you do not mean a scriptural SEPERATION?

I am absolutely sure. We discussed this on the body when I was still an Elder ... and I think there may be a Wt article on Spiritual Endangerment hanging aournd on this ... but it is a way that the Elders can encourage a loyal JW to leave their apostate mate. This definitely happened in a case I was close to ... but the loyal JW wife decided not to divorce her husband, though she was counseled to do so.

When it comes to Bible rules, they go out the window when the Society perceives a threat to itself.

Jim

Carmel

Abandon all religion! Seek guidance from astrology and a numerologist. Live, love and leave.

Alone and Lost. Please help me understand.

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