by beroea 27 Replies latest jw friends
Bereoa,
I understand your concerns. But I think You have displaced anger at 'all they have done to your wife'. Don't you feel any anger at all they have done to you?
How are YOU dealing with coming to terms about leaving the WBTS?!?!? You don't mention any anger. And maybe because you haven't left yet.
I have read and enjoyed your posts, and hope to continue to do so.
Lisa
Dear Lisa
About anger for what the Board have done to me I try not to fall in that “crevasse” I think anger is a very strong force of destroying people. It makes people look back and not forward. I try not to repeat that wrongdoing. So I try to look upon me and look forward to open eye and think about how beautiful live is.
That doesn’t make me blind - only facing the real live and try to move on. The only think that really make me mad is when someone or something try to do wrong to my wife and my children.
But I like you comments
Beroea
Borea,
I recall your posts from H20 when it seemed your "journey" was just beginning. You sound like you have made up your mind to leave if your family comes out, too. How do you continue in your position as an elder with all of its "teaching" and the entire package that makes up the job of one "taking the lead"? Doesn't your wife (and children) still watch you standing before the congregation spouting stuff that, in private, you claim to no longer believe? I would imagine that you have her quite confused with your mixed messages.
Anyway, if you don't mind saying, what brought you to the point of starting to research things even while you still continued as an elder? What made you start to question things?
AMNESIAN
dear Amnesian
You hit good points. Its not easy being elder not believes basis JW doctrines. I try to avoid those statements. I speak about basis Christian values instead. It has been easier that I though it would be. Many have been saying they like and appreciate my “new” way of speaks. They are more positive and not like many based upon fear and obeying. I also thing it’s more easier here in the north of Europe than in USA. We are more against authorities and go our own ways.
About me it started with the change of the “1914-generation” It make me feel sorrow and also a little angry for mainly all the old ones. Many of the old brothers and sister thought they were never going to die before Armageddon. By a WT lesson this was all gone and with no apologies and sorrow from the GB. That made me a little anger. Little by little it forced me to think about the whole thing and about a ½ a year ago I started serious to find information mainly about chronology. That information has made me reconsider my beliefs about the 1914 and the GB.
But I love my family. I have a beautiful wife and 2 children at 12 and 14 year which I will never do anything wrong against. So new thoughts must come slow and gentle
Beroea
That makes me a little angry - not on her but to the JW reasons to that.
Beroea, Not all anger is bad. Anger frequently helps us to resolve issues and bring closure. Kubler-Ross wrote about this in her stages of grieving book, the title is lost on me at this moment. It's only one step of many that allow you to move forward.
If my husband died of cancer, I would be right to feel angry--angry at the cancer, angry that he left me, etc etc. This is the same type of anger I think one can't help but feel upon leaving the JW.
And, on the 1914 thing, you are right. I am so angry for the old ones, who don't even realize yet that the rug has been yanked from under them. Also angry at them for duping my parents of so much money, and now starting a new 'charitable planning foundation' to make sure that when they die, they can have that money too. Angry at my parents for not seeing so clearly what I see.
But like you I am in this boat where I can't force someone I love to see them for what they are.
Lisa
Hi beroea,
Just a thought here.
Since you're both JW's,no matter how intelligent and independent she is, those notions have been operating under the headship rule.
Im sure this has limited her 'independence'.
Instead of viewing her as a supplement' or a compliment' trying viewing her as her own whole person.
As an elder you must have given so many talks on women being in subjection. Get rid of the oppressing archaic notion.
Maybe if she's treated as an individual and EQUAL person,she could get confident in her thinking abilities. Let her challenge your decisions or ways of doing things. Empower her,maybe that'll translate over into seeing how JW doctrine is so full of baloney. And she won't fear looking into the truth about the truth. regards,Tina
Hi Beroea
I must admist that as a woman this is a topic that has always made me cringe. The WTS has always placed women in a subjective role, and it is a hard one to come out of. It must be even more so when your regional customs reinforce this.
As a woman in the org, someone else will take care of the scarey things and you just have to do what you are. This makes it very difficult sometimes to look at what is really happening. Being in submission is also in some ways being sheltered.
My husband started questioning before i did, and it scared me. It was all I knew, it was my only real security, or so I thought. I too had had many doubts over the years, but found it hard to face the truth and think for myself because of the submission and the sheltering.
As Tina said
Maybe if she's treated as an individual and EQUAL person,she could get confident in her thinking abilities. However, this could be difficult as you have BOTH been given roles to play by the WTS. A man's position as head will only reinforce a woman's submissive position.
Regards
Cautious
Well, howdy, Cautious!
Nice to have you here with us. My husband & I quietly exited at same time - so my situation was different.
Please make yourself at home here. We have a HELLO? HELLO? HELLO? introduction thread going on - there you can learn about a lot of us and say a little about yourself, if you'd like?
Welcome.
waiting
