Looking Back, How Did You Really Feel About "The Truth"?

by minimus 37 Replies latest jw friends

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  codeblue

  Yes, I believed it was the "truth" and lived it to the best of my ability. However, when I got baptized it was for serving Jehovah...not an org. I lived my life based on how Jehovah feels as opposed to what an organization feels. I never asked the elders for their opinions or thoughts, I had the Bible...that's all I needed.

  The crashing for me was the Dateline Special: realizing the religion I thought was the "truth" was no different than any other...That's when the rose colored glasses began to come off.

  Codeblue
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  got my forty homey?

  I hate it! If it were to be eliminated by the government I would go to Brooklyn Bethel and laugh and jump up and down! It has destroyed my life, my family life, and I have nightmares stuck in my head froma miserable childhood that no amount of money could pay back.
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  boa

  Looking back - I was a believer. Being born into the whole thing is its own trap. I have particularly idealistic relatives and this leads to a severely distorted view of the world imo.

  I also believe that my deep down person who I am inside would inevitably reveal itself and oppose such strong control. It was critical I think though, for me to have 'irregular' (another jw term) for several yrs so I could start to think for myself. Of course 'independent thinking' being a great sin in the wts.

  BluesBrother I like your points. I 'sacrificed' much to build my whole life around kh activites. I fought with the idea in the last 5 yrs of 'how can I know better than the much smarter bros in the gb?' and your 3rd point - It also took something special for me to go down the path (took 5 yrs) of realizing its baloney, namely, bethel, and reading the Bible from start to finish as required in 1st yr b.

  And I really love how most in the org would be looking at me now thinking I'm a weak one - arrrrgh! It might even be true but convicted only because of a lack of meeting att and (counted) service hrs cuz for the last year or so anytime I 'witnessed' I didn't count the time anyway - ha.

  boa
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  NoBorg

  I remember my job got in the way of meetings after I came in. I worked it out to where I would miss the BS only. I remember telling my wife, come on, it's only the bookstudy. She came back at me with the five fingers crap etc. We look back and laugh about it now. I did it all because I KNEW doing it is what kept me 'strong' and moving forward. I liked who I was. I was able to see through the bullshit at least in my own life. I'm very proud to say, I never bowed to ANY politics and always tore a new asshole on whoever needed one, and offered mine up willingly when I was in the wrong. THAT is what I beleive to this day being a Christian is all about. Accountability before your God and Fellowman.

  It aint' rocket science WTBS. Play nice with the other kids and share your toys.
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  cyber-sista

  It was sort of a manic depressive kind of a deal. Sometimes I would be all zealous and pumped up, but that would last for a short period of time and then I would be down in the dumps and not feel so good about everything, but instead of blaming anything on the religion I would blame myself. I had my doubts at times, but would try to not think too deeply about it...Once I turned my brain on again the realizations of what had really happened all came flooding in on me all at once and I know now I had been busy stuffing garbage for too many years.
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  Black Sheep

  I wanted out. I wanted my freedom.

  I guess you could say I committed suicide. I decided to live my life now and die at Armageddon.

  I forgot to check to see if the gun Watchtower was loaded.
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  minimus

  Now that we KNOW it's not the truth, it's a lot easier to ENJOY life.
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  seeitallclearlynow

  I just felt it was a safe place, though an unpleasant place; I felt it was the "right" place and the "right" thing to do, something necessary. I felt it was a highly privileged place to be, that brought with it very difficult and weighty responsibilities that I couldn't live up to. I felt it was full of contradictions and confusions.

  Then I found out it was nothing but a high control cult and I was so relieved! My mind cleared right up!