Here is my example. I was with my boyfriend's family who are Jewish. Having grown up as a Witness, I always felt closer to Jews than most Christians (when you think about it there are a number of commonalities, like not celebrating Christmas, having a "Memorial" often on Passover night that talks a lot about the Israelites escaping Egypt, the whole OT focus of the Witnesses instead of on the Christ of the NT, etc.). Anyway, it was Thanksgiving and my boyfriend's aunt was there who was a Holocaust survivor. She has a serial number tatooed on her arm. And I felt a connection, because I thought of how my people were persecuted and put in the concentration camps too. And then I stopped myself and thought, What "my people"??? In reality, there was no connection; I was not a Witness. But as an ex-JW I felt it emotionally, having grown up with Gestapo and death camp stories, told in the Watchtower and repeated by elders and sisters in restaurants and in field service. Its like the Witness identity, though I have long renounced it, still has its latent effects that surprise me now and then? Anyone still feels deep down that it is a little bit "naughty" to vote (if not a little sinful?)?
Do you catch yourself still thinking Witness thoughts?
by Leolaia 13 Replies latest jw friends
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Phantom Stranger
I don't feel any naughtiness voting... occasionally with Xmas (I start to wonder if anyone will see me!) But the outlook of feeling like an opporessed minority (even though we really weren't, if we're Americans under 60, except mostly by ourselves) - I've felt that too. Odd... most of us really weren't oppressed, but we were brought up to believe that we would be. I always identified with conscientous objectors for the same reason.
I've found that the feeling lessens with time... and yet it still pops up in odd moments occasionally. The moments are real, I don't resist them or recoil from them any more, I just honor that they are part of me and I let them go, and their power over me is gone.
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Narkissos
My feeling are very similar to Phantom Stranger's. The JWs are just a silly yet significant part of my history -- without having been one of them I wouldn't be what I am. I still relate mentally to them when I see some of them in the street (you can't miss them). I don't think I have many JW thoughts left -- it's an old story, but the very fact I eventually came to this board so many years later prove it is not altogether meaningless to me.
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ball.
Not anymore. The other day I even reminded myself I used to be a witness boy, and laughed. I think that was a big milestone, laughing out loud that I used to be a witness.
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Mulan
I seldom think the way I did as a JW. If I ever do, I have plenty of people in my life to remind me how I sound.
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willyloman
You are so right about the Jewish connection we JW's (past and present) all feel. JW's focus on the OT as opposed to the New, on Jehovah rather than Jesus. The early WT "fathers" were like the first century Jewish Christians who wanted to "re-Judah-ize" the fledgling congregation. JW's are much more closely aligned with Jewish religious tradition and far removed from mainstream Christianity. Funny how we mistook that for "truth."
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frankiespeakin
Leolaia,
Sometimes I worry that it has only been 3 years since I left mentally the WT and I'm forgetting so many WT ideas because my mind is captured by thoughts about God and greatness, and how little we really know about Him.
My thoughts have changed so much about the Bible, the Holy Spirit, and experiencing God, that I sometimes feel I will forget them beyond recall. Sweet Liberation.
My understandings and feelings of God are that we try to see the blessings God had for us though painful events in ones life. I can't speak for God I can only guess, but I think God is in everything,, even in our time with the WT.
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Free in Jesus
That's right, Frankiespeakin!
I do agree with you.
I was there for over 20 years, thinking the way the WTS wants them to think. And I've been out for 6 months only. I must say I'm closer to God now. I rarely think JW thoughts. A possible exception is when my wife and I joke about the past.
Cheerio!
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kilroy2
I was a dubber for 30 years, and I count the time from birth as my mother would have me reading from the paradise book, ie the big orange book at 2, and I have been out for almost nine years and questioning for 11, but the mind control put forth by the old unlaied farts at brooklin is strong. for years I would feel guilt for doing thing that the socity said was wrong. I am over that now, even the thoughts of maybe they are right are gone. I know in my hart that they are wrong, but I still hide the xmas tree and just last night I was in a mexcian restraunt with my brother and his girlfriend and my wife. [real brother not a dubber] and I had a nice big don pablo churchill in my pocket and wanted to light it up so bad but it is sat, and the dubbers are out and about and I thought what if one sees me. not that I care about thair stupid laws but I dont want to give them the rope to hang me, as that it what they would love, then they could say see we told you he was no good, but now I am a bro, in good standing even though they do not talk to me, they hate it. and I love it. is that so wrong.
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Room 215
Leolaia, it's quite understandable that the JW experience causes you to feel a strong kinship with Jews; with its insistence on saving oneself through works and its myriad of Talmudic rules, JWism is virtual neo-Judaism with a wafer-thin, almost translucent veneer of Christianity