I told my mother to stop contacting me (page 3)

Octavia

Wow! That's pretty intense. When I first got df'd (the first time), I so rarely heard from my mom that I would shake for days after she'd call. She never said anything mean, just scary... "The end is so close...", "Can't you tell these are the last days...", etc.

Other than the once a year (or every other year) phone call I basicly had no contact with my family. But they were there for me when I needed them even before I was re-instated.

Now, I think they've pretty much given up on me after being df'd a second time! But she's still there to handle family business.

I'm sorry things are so tense with so many other people.

Huxley

Hang in there kid...you'll be okay.

Similar situation with me and my folks..

Dad: "Your Mother just cries and cries day after day because you left Jehovah."

Like you, I could only handle so much parent induced guilt. Thankfully my 'worldly friends' were there for me.

You've drawn a line in the sand, and I applaud your courage...

Remember the words of the great Moz, "Hold on to your friends"!

Huxley

shamus

It had to be said.

I am sorry that you have to deal with this kind of crap in your life. I just can't believe that she can't see how she's behaving towards you. It's just sick. Where is this "christian love"?

Cutting her off is the best thing for you and for her at this point. Stay strong.

SheilaM

Thunder had to choose to not have a relationship with his parents due to their weirdness. I am glad since we chose to leave the dubs. His Dad called twice in 12 years.

Do what you have to do to be strong and to heal

Carmel

Kyira, best wishes to you and your brother. Been there, done that about 45 years ago. You will do fine whether or not your mother comes out of the slough of the cult. My mother got progressively worse right up to the day she died. Never gained a modocum of common sense. Too bad the cult takes over like a brain cancer and extinguishes all rational thought.

carm

willy_think

Kyria,

She had already told me that she could no longer speak to me because I was an apostate, so I suppose I'm just doing what the elders told her to do anyway.

No you are actively taking charge of your life!!!!! You've taken the power away from the elders. Nothing starts or stops on there say so any more. freedom is a gift we give our selves

I wish you the best of every thing.

Will

xenawarrior

I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of that Kryria. I think at least for now, you've made the right decision to distance yourself from your mother.

The book that cyba-sista referred to is an excellent one for those in your type of situation -dealing with a toxic parent:

"Toxic Parents - Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life" by Susan Forward.

She also wrote "Emotional Blackmail"

You may find these books helpful.

Good luck to you - you sound as though you are well on your way and have a great emotional support system around you !!

XW

garybuss

All I ask for is to be treated with decency. Anyone who can abide by that is welcome. Condemning me is not decent. Trying to partition off one of my family members is not decent. Taking the high road with me is not decent. Yelling at me is not decent. Slamming doors at me is not decent. Walking away from me when I ask a serious question is not decent.

I think when we discover we can establish healthy boundaries and then actually establish those boundaries, people who have been long time abusers and users are taken aback by it. Usually they try a different approach to get past the new boundaries, usually lower than the first.

Witness group associates are like drug addicts and alcoholics, when they call or show up, they always want something. They have an agenda. They want material things, they want free advise, or they try their guilt trigger phrases. That's why it's so important for former group members to have had a thorough exit counseling and deprogramming history. That way when group members try the same old tricks like saying the end is near, we never become upset because we know what they are doing and why they are doing it.

A Witness telling me *the end is near* knows that is designed to trigger me to have the thought that her god is going to kill me and I will be bird food. That's not okay with me. First, none of the group triggers work on me anymore. Second, I don't want to hear them.

Witnesses like the addict and alcoholic need to have some clean time away from their drug of choice, i.e. the Watch Tower group before I want them around me. It's much more important if we have children. We wouldn't want an active drug addict or alcoholic around our kids and we wouldn't want an active Witness around our kids either unless we really don't care for the kids. Just my .02 GaryB

Bryan

I'm pretty much in the same boat... went though all the "come back! The end is just around the corner!" stuff.

Take a deap breath... hold it... now exhale slowly and release your mother. Remember, no one hurts us with their words. We allow them to hurt us. I too am an artist, that complicated my father and step-mother's relationship with me before they totally cut me off. But remember, they have their own life to live, and you have your's. I feel sorry for my dad; he could have such a great relationship with me. But I refuse to let my physical health be compromised ( if you let it pull you down mentally, it will effect your physical being), because of what people around me feel or think. My life is great, I make it that way! I left the borg, married a great woman. LIFE IS MEANT TO BE GOOD!

Good for you! Take charge of your life... and break-a-leg!

Bryan

itsallgoodnow

Kyria, I'm sorry to hear you had to deal with such a difficult situation and that your mom tried to corner you that way.

I just wanted to let you know I thought about how you point blank told your mother "you are in a cult" and how great that was for her to hear. That's how I figured out I had been brainwashed. Somebody told me that very same thing. At first, I had no reason to believe them, but instead of looking only at what JWs defined as a cult, I also looked at other sources and found the general definition of a cult was much wider than I was once led to believe, and that JWs fit right into it. Bravo to you, maybe she will actually be moved to check into it herself. She must change her own mind if it's really going to work. That's why I don't try to discuss things with JWs. They pretty much have to figure it out for themselves, but sometimes they need to be nudged a little with a challenge like the one you gave your mom. That same challenge helped me to find peace - finally.

I told my mother to stop contacting me

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