Guys, Do you need to be on top?

Maverick

On another topic I wrote about spoiling my daughter. Some of the comments got off into a side topic about getting a submissive "non American" wife. By this I assume these posters were referring to non white women of other cultures. It seemed to get some people going.

So guys...where do you stand? Can you handle an American Woman? Can you tolerate a successful and smart women that may be better looking, taller and have more money than you? Or do you need to be on top. Would you get competitive? Or if you found yourself hooked up with such a woman, ( did not know she was a Doctor when you first went out) would you break it off? Some professional people keep their success a secret until they get to know the people they are dating because they want to avoid the mercenaries. I have one lady friend that is always buying me stuff, (expensive bed lined, surround sound for my bedroom, CD player for my new pick-up, tables and light for my bedroom and I could go on and on), I hate it when she does this. But she won't stop!...Life's rough!

And ladies, can you be with a guy who is less successful than you? I am a skilled tradesman, not a professional. True, I was an Art Director of a company for two years and am better educated than most tradesmen, but I get real dirty each day and work with my hands. Would you be ashamed of me? Do you need the guy to be on top? And please save the nice polite answers for the stooge you are going with. Be real with me, OK? Maverick

Nosferatu

In my opinion, being competitive with someone you're in a relationship with is disasterous. I could see it as being the base of the relationship where each is trying to outdo the other. Feelings will harden and less is focused on the relationship itself. You'll end up making enemies of each other.

My fiance just recently got a job where she makes more money than I do. I'm proud of her for doing it. As for taller women, I don't normally find them attractive, but I have dated them. When it all boils down, people are made up of the same organs, skin tissue, etc. Big deal. Going for the personality rather than the physical or financial aspects of a person will make a much more successful relationship.

If you want my opinion of women buying you stuff, just let them do it. It might just be their own way of showing their appreciation for the kind of person you are. Attraction causes some people to spend money. It's in their personality, and there's no point in trying to change it. As long as the respect is there, it's all good.

shotgun

Maverick

After reading your post yesterday all I can say is..please adopt me!

On this thread I'd say it's hard to say unless you've been put into that position. I have watched several relationships where the husband started out making more money and gradually the wife caught and surpassed him....in several cases the husband started taking on extra work, even a second job. He said this was because of bills but in reality it was pride.

I hope I would be different, I've always given my wife the control or power to make up her own mind on most things without my will being involved. Time and time again though she wants me to make the decision even when it involves only her. I have even sat with her and examined all the pro's and con's for many different things she has thought of doing over the years and somehow she still wants me to make a decision. It's funny too because she is very impatient and needs decisions fast but doesn't want to make them herself.

When she really buckles down and makes decisions she can be brilliant and a real leader...I've seen it when she managed retail stores.

Golf

Mav, I second Nosf, comments. I once encouraged a fellow ironworker to take advantage of an opportunity ( an older women who spent time and money on him) and today he's living high off the hog.

Guest 77

Nosferatu

I once encouraged a fellow ironworker to take advantage of an opportunity ( an older women who spent time and money on him) and today he's living high off the hog.

Woah! Is that what I said? Let's see:

It's in their personality, and there's no point in trying to change it.

I never said to take advantage of it. In fact, I'm against that idea. My point was if that's the way they want to show their appreciation for you, then let them express themselves. Preventing them from expressing themselves is only going to cause problems. Taking advantage of it is only going to lead to relying on them and cause them to question if you actually love them or their money. Keep things simple and you'll have no problems!

bisous

By this I assume these posters were referring to non white women of other cultures. It seemed to get some people going.

Actually, you didn't need to assume ... DoubtfullyYours (who from her post we can deduce is a Hispanic woman) is the poster who took your thread on another track by putting down white women, and pointing out how Hispanic women will cater to men and then she is allowed to get her way. I'm sure, by the way, that there are some Hispanic women out there who might disagree.

Some professional people keep their success a secret until they get to know the people they are dating because they want to avoid the mercenaries.

This can be true, but sometimes they keep it secret because a lot of men don't want to be with someone who may be more successful than they are. Personally, I won't because if this is the case I shouldn't be dating you anyway.

And ladies, can you be with a guy who is less successful than you? I am a skilled tradesman, not a professional. True, I was an Art Director of a company for two years and am better educated than most tradesmen, but I get real dirty each day and work with my hands. Would you be ashamed of me?

Basically, just be solvent! I don't want or need financial support, nor do I want to provide it ... except for my children. Beyond that, if you are happy and content with yourself .... then you'll be someone cool to be around. I wouldn't be ashamed of a skilled tradesman, I'm certain that means you have many skills and talents that I don't possess and vice/versa. My experience is many professional men are looking for a 'traditional wife' ... not another professional to partner with. When I was younger, I used to joke that I didn't need a husband, I needed a wife! In corporate america, having a spouse at home helps.

As far as some of the other comments, I don't want to be the boss of anyone....and conversely, they can't be the boss of me!! lol....(that hasn't changed much since I was a little girl)...

My desire is a relationship that adds value, doesn't complicate matters! Doesn't seem like much to ask, but boy sometimes it can be a bother to find.

Shy

FlyingHighNow

Welllll, I stayed off your other thread, Mav. I couldn't even read the whole thing. I did get to your post where you said your thread subject was tongue in cheek and was glad I didn't go off like a bomb and blast you.

As for being spoiled, I think spoiling happens in some families and in some it doesn't. It didn't happen in mine. I see spoiling happen for boys in a family and I see it happen with girls. It's not something reserved strictly for daughters.

I agree with Nosferatu's comments here and I am proud of him for being comparatively young and realizing this is better. Still, I think it's important for each couple to decide individually what will work for them.

I am in a relationship where we don't compete to be on top. We treat each other with respect and love. We don't have constant confrontations. This is a breath of fresh air after the JW Dominant Man social structure.

Why do some men feel so threatened by women? Why do some men think women have to sit at their feet like faithful dogs? This puzzles me. I have noticed men who dominate women are almost never happy easy going people. I also notice their wives are almost never happy either. Want a microcosm of society to look at as an example? How many JW women do you think are truly happy? The only ones I knew that were happy were the ones whose husbands cherished them and did not dominate them or expect them to be silent servants.

Heather

Guys, Do you need to be on top?

Maverick

Nosferatu

shotgun

Golf

Nosferatu

bisous

FlyingHighNow

Yerusalyim

bisous

LittleToe

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