Phone / Email Relationships (page 2)

shamus

Remember, online you can be "Fabio", but in real life, you are just normal.

Nobody is perfect; online relationships usually brings out next to zero bad qualities, except for in my case, LOL!

Phantom Stranger

Nos, you're right and wrong at the same time.

As someone who dated people he met with online dating services for four years, and did pretty well, and is now marrying someone he met there...

1) Talk on the phone ASAP, meet for coffee/drinks ASAP.

2) This is because the longer you communicate with someone whom you're not experiencing in person, the more your mind unconcsiously fills in the blanks with what you'd like, what their writing style and voice reminds you of, etc. The simple (and brief) fact is that the more data we have that is incomplete, the more we fill in the blanks - and the more we are disappointed when we meet the real thing - who had nothing to do with the person we created in our heads!

Good luck, all.

Nosferatu

Phantom, what you just stated is basically what I was expanding on. The less time you spend on the internet or the phone with this person, the better your chances are.

Phantom Stranger

As I said, your recommendation I agree with. However, I think your explanation is a bit off.

Regards,

PS

Nosferatu

My explanation is just me thinking out loud, but you made an excellent point about filling in the blanks with your mind. The woman will sit there and come up with ideas about how the guy looks, acts, and it will develope into her own fantasy. When the real-life meeting comes, her fantasy turns out to be just a dream. It's pure disappointment.

But I think both of our explanations lead to the same thing - disappointment. The only thing I can see from my explanation is that there's room for recovery which is why I like it. I don't think it's impossible to recover from all this since I've been able to do it.

Personally, if my fantasy was spoiled, I wouldn't want to continue with the disappointment of it.

imallgrowedup

The woman will sit there and come up with ideas about how the guy looks, acts, and it will develope into her own fantasy. When the real-life meeting comes, her fantasy turns out to be just a dream. It's pure disappointment.

Boy! Us women sure know how to spoil all the fun! The nerve of us horning in on fantasies about men we've never met! We should know to leave all the fantasizing to the men who stare at the centerfolds with their fantasies ... Heaven knows that if women didn't dream up unrealistic fantasies, all men and women would hit it off within the first two seconds of meeting a member of the opposite sex and everyone would live happily ever after - especially since there is never any fault on the part of men for expectations not to be met!

*shaking head and muttering under breath* Stupid women! Too bad they outlawed clubbing them and dragging them by the roots of the hair to the altar!

growedup of the "if it weren't for me and others of my gender, we wouldn't have these kinds of problems" class

xenawarrior

*shaking head and muttering under breath* Stupid women! Too bad they outlawed clubbing them and dragging them by the roots of the hair to the alter!

LMAO allgrowedup !!!

Nosferatu

Boy! Us women sure know how to spoil all the fun! The nerve of us horning in on fantasies about men we've never met!

Hey Imallgrowedup! I think you might be missing the point of my post. First of all, this is all coming from my perspective, not a general one. I could easily see this happening for men as well. The problem as I see it is men expect to be able to romance women over the phone and through email. Some spend more time just getting to know them more because they expect that's what women want. It doesn't work very well.

If anything, I'm attacking men in my posts. Lots of men expect women to think, act, and react the same way as they do. It just doesn't work that way. I'm not saying that women are to blame for the way they act. Women are different in some aspects than men, and very few men realize that. Too many men believe in what society tells them rather than what reality shows them.

Sassy

I do not agree regarding phone/email relationships.. not completely..

Maybe it is because I try to be real with the person I get to know if I begin a relationship on the phone or on email...just as I do even meeting friends. I am who I am. I don't pretend to be anything different and most people who meet me, tell me i am exactly how they expected me to be, even if it was a LONG time before we met.. but many emails.. long and many phone conversations can help you get to know some.. if they are a long distance away, it is pretty much the only way to get to know someone unless you are without a limitless amount of cash and can fly weekly..

The one aspect you have that is against you when you meet via the net first and have only email or the phone is you do not necessarily live nearby and can not see if they are for real.. are they married? are they who they say they are. Web cams HELP you at least see that the picture they showed you, is in deed them, and also if you are talkign web cam to web cam, you get to see the little gestures and expressions in their facial responses that add a deeper facet of what they are in real life.. rather than guessing. because lets face it, in an email response, you don't know how many times they rewarded a sentence before they finally thought the right response was there.... or on the phone, while you are talking.. you don't see them roll their eyes.. etc..

But If two people are being real.. as much as I think it is important to meet early on, I don't think that it is a bad way to get to know someone. My boyfriend who I am living with now I got to know on the net and phone calls for 4 months.. well we met in person after two. He moved to be with me after 4 and we have been now living together for 4 months..

The two men I married I met through old fashioned means.. we dated IN PERSON and several times a week we spent days together.. both were disasters after commitments...

so no matter what method we use to meet people, we need to use our brains.. be real.. and make sure who we are dating is also real..

Phantom Stranger

Science has shown that our brains think differently when typing or using written language for communication than when we are talking. Quite frankly, we are only displaying one part of our minds - and it's impossible ot do otherwise!

Science has also shown that the words we say are a small fraction of the data that's conveyed - body language, facial expression, etc., are far more important.

So phones are better than e-mail, and in person is better than phones.

As an aside, it's impossible to be "real" in more of a fraction of your self in limited-bandwidth communication channels. You will react differently with different stimuli - as will the other.

Phone / Email Relationships

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